Roan by Wapole Languray
Something that physically hurts to look at
Original SA postHey, I'm feelin kinda bad about abandoning Invisible Sun. I do wanna finish it, but it's also as of now over 2000 pages of text with the supplements they keep cranking out, and honestly it's kind of boring textwise as the entire thing is basically wastedpotential.pdf
But y'know what we haven't had recently? A good horrorshow F&F. A real honest to god fuck you terrible nightmare product. Something that physically hurts to look at.
So prepare yourselves because motherfucker unlimited is coming down the tracks.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
Original SA post
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
This is a motherfucking brony-made My Little Pony but in Alt History Urban Fantasy 1950's. Do you want disturbing art of cartoon horses? Do you enjoy Libertarianism? Do you wanna know about all the gun-companies that make pony-compatible firearms and what innovations they brought to the pony arms industry? Do you wanna see 21 motherfucking fan submitted My Little McCarthyist Pony OC's?
Welcome to fucking Roan. Strap in, our intro is an in-universe newspaper that prints alternately in color and black and white.
A Species Divided; A Nation United posted:
A Species Divided; A Nation United
Hail to the day
The eve of another century
A nation’s one hundredth birthday
Our rebirth of freedom
Liberty
Justice
We who were divided
Now
United by our Hearts
Day of Days! No radiance cast
In the cycles of the Past,
Like to thine in round sublime
Gilds the dial plate of Time
Brushing off the dust of Age,
Forms awake from history’s page.
Marshaled forth in full review,
Error battles with the True.
Honesty and Pride again prevail
And the hosts of Faith assail.
Till o’er all the conflict’s strife
Sounds the words, with Wisdom Rife
This newspaper just says a bunch of shit we learn elsewhere, but I'll cover the content for your edification:
We learn that Roan, which is Pony America, is 100 Years Old. There was something called the Aether War (AKA Not-WWII) and everything is a horse pun.
President Pony
Other nations include Canida (Dog Canada/Britain its sorta both), Falconigrad (Gryphon USSR), and some country of Dragons that goes unnamed.
The various kinds of magical pony variants we will learn of later were made by Magical Nukes and therefore are literal mutants.
Pony George Washington was named, not fooling, "Gauge Jet Chase".
Pony Heroin is literally called SALTZ and is in the form of sugar cubes. It is illegally snuck into your food and drinks by dastardly communist infiltrators to addict the population of Ponymerica. Thankfully the feds will protect us!
Have a page of animal puns and disturbing world building:
There is going to be so much art, because this book for some reason has like 20 artists credited. I hope you enjoy disturbing pony art, because we got a lot coming!
Anyway, you want to see a sexy flapper horse?
Original SA postROAN posted:
Sometimes it is the world of adventure, driven by our imagination and built by our strangest circumstances that bring us to a
inspirations. Roan is such a world, inspired by an earlier My Little
Pony project, and it indulges in the Hollywood pulp action adventure that focused upon the 40s both real and fantastical. With further inspiration coming from Indiana Jones, or war-time films like
The Longest Day, Where Eagles Dare, and Memphis Belle, Roan seeks
to build upon the player’s imagination, to pursue the fantastic and
the impossible, bringing together a world of pulp and fantasy.
What the hell made you want to combine a cartoon about cartoon ponies learning lessons about friendship in a pastel fantasy world, with media about real ass humans shooting Nazi's??? Also this is a lie, as I previously stated, the world is more 1950's than 40's, and the bad guys are the Not-USSR, so fuck if I know where this "inspiration" disappeared to.
Anyway, you want to see a sexy flapper horse?
The Ponies of Roan
ROAN posted:
The streets are thick with many colorful species, celebrating Roan’s 100th Independence Day, the mass majority of which are ponies. Various species and flavors of speech all brought together for this momentous occasion.
You canter through the crowds at a leisurely pace and find yourself trapped among the waves of people, forcing you through the open doors of a nearby bar.
Your first thoughts about the bar is its homey atmosphere, with its natural colors projected by the bars lights, bathing the room in a warm glow that seems to saturate it with an air of comfort, inviting you closer to the main bar where a Kelpie is seen chewing upon a pen whilst reviewing a blueprint.
“Oh, pardon me!” he exclaims, shoving the papers aside. “I didn’t realize that we have a visitor!”
He frowns slightly as you shake your head, and releases a deep sigh.
“Ahh, sorry about that, I should have figured the crowds forced another visitor into this establishment.” He offers a polite smile while gesturing to a stool. “Come, pull up a seat and name your poison, you won’t be getting back into the crowd so easily, so might as well enjoy a moment’s respite!”
You look back to the doors to observe the masses blockading it in a wall of bodies. With no other choice, you kindly accept the invitation and drink, naming a brand which is quickly set before you.
“The name is Clear Skies.” His kelpish accent is not as heavy as others, but it certainly shows his roots which you question. “Yes, I came from the east closer to the fresh waters of the Amber Cascades,
but I find that there is more business here than anywhere else!” He gestures to a wall, and you look, spotting a notice board tacked with a multitude of papers, wanted posters, and contracts.
“Let me truly give you a proper introduction to this fine establishment. You’re sitting here in the Wild Geese, home of the Wild Geese Mercenary Company.” He gives you a small smile. “Named and owned by me, mostly because I was dumb enough to fill out the tax forms . . . or smart enough to understand them, either way, I own the mess, and we, that is, my friends and I, enjoy it!”
He waves a hoof towards the other side of the bar where a small herd seems to be congregating, laughing over a particularly funny joke made by one of the Nocturnes.
“You’ll learn there is a lot of opportunities here in Roan, and of course the rest of the world.” He leans against the bar with a smile. “So, what brings you here then?”
This is the character creation chapter, and therefore is mostly boring as hell to go over but we get to learn exactly how many types of stupid mutant horse we can be, and there's a ton more weird pony art.
Race
Yes, it is uncomfortable that Type Of Pony is called Race. Also uncomfortable is that this is also literally a racist system where these different pony types are divided into weird caste-systems and personality is genetic.
Roadies
These are what we'd call "Normal". They're just standard My Little Ponies with no magically induced mutations. Their things are they're good at physical stuff, and take less damage than other types of cartoon horse.
Roadies are really generic. They're tough and no-nonsense but warm and friendly. They come in earth-tones and red coloration. They're farmers and hicks. Roadies sounds like an ethnic slur when paired with the concept of "race".
Pegasi
They got bird wings, can fly, are dexterous, but are fragile. They're lazy, aloof, carefree and skittish. They're adrenaline junkies too. They have pastel and "sky" colored pelts. They literally live in magical cloud cities they make with magical cloud manipulation.
Unicorns
Wizard horses. They're good at magic, can telekinetically lift things, and are bougie assholes. They're smart and absent minded and curious. Their description has the phrase "the geek is strong with them" in it. They come in "sky colors" like blue and purple and white and black.
Nocturnes
Goth Vampire Ponies. Not joking: They have bat wings, fangs, and are nocturnal. They have good senses and can see in the dark, and also fly. And are super strong. They're vampire ponies. They come in cool colors like black and purple and white. They are fructivores because Bats.
Zebras
They're fuckin' Zebras. They're good at Social Stuff. They're businessmen and public speakers and storytellers and such. Their homeland is called the Zebrican Dominion, and I don't know what real world nation they're an expy of because I'd assume something in Africa but their descriptions aren't very racist as they're mostly Good Capitalist Traders who are Very Hard Working and Charismatic.
Kelpies
Fish Horses. They're smart and can swim in the water real good. They're emotionally unstable and are inventors and scholars and look they're like all mad scientists and shit. They've got wild and unsettling mood swings but that's just how they are and they're so smart and inventive and build cool shit like GUNS.
So I'm not going over the system at all. Why? Because who cares. It uses Ubiquity, a generic RPG system found in a few other games, most famously Hollow Earth Adventures. Ubiquity is fine, it's kind of boring but it works ok. Standard Stat+Skill dice pool system, success counting resolution, you can look it up in a better game if you care. I don't.
I'm here for the setting not the dull generic RPG system they stapled it to.
God seeing cartoon horses hold guns will never not be hilarious.
Now, I should note I am skipping all of the combat and mechanics and magic chapters. That's because they're boring, and also have the best art in the game! Yes, really. The artists who did most of the work in these chapters were competent if dull and drew ponies doing various activities in a fine style that is not at all worth mocking. I'm not here to make fun of people who drew normal commissioned pony art for this game.
I'm here to mock people who drew hilarious or awful pony art for this game.
Anyway next time we cover Equipment so we can learn how a horse shoot a gun.