Stats for Jesus by Libertad!
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Original SA post Stats for Jesus
Who's your buddy?
The portrayal of real-world religious figures has always been a thorny issue in games, but it has happened. Long-dead pantheons run into no trouble, while surviving religious orders naturally require more care. The original Deities & Demigods ran into some controversy with stat blocks for Hindu deities, while the Greyhawk campaign setting had Al'Akbar, a Lawful Good deity explicitly based off of Islam (which you don't really hear about much anymore).
The author of Game Stats for Jesus asserts that a society of Western and Judeo-Christian values led to a sort of 'untouchable' status for God and Jesus, that they're beyond game stats due to omnipotence and omniscience. Other divine figures such as Brahma, who are technically equally omnipotent, do not get this treatment.
The author uses the writings of both the Bible and early Christian scholars, asserting that the earliest practitioners were not monotheist (our God's the only God), but monolatrist (God exists, but other deities are either lesser beings or demons in disguise). Additionally, Biblical passages pointed to various depictions of Jesus' abilities, and that Christian denominations have centuries worth of debate as to His nature.
Due to this, the author created several stat blocks to represent various popular interpretations of the Messiah.
Unitarian/Jefferson Bible Jesus
Thomas Jefferson believed that Jesus existed and that there might have been a creator for the universe, but he was a Deist . Basically, deism is the belief that reason and science are sufficient to determine the existence of God, and that certain Biblical values such as miracles and scriptural inerrancy were false. Basically, God is a non-interventionist Creator who set into motion the workings of the universe and sat back to watch.
Thomas Jefferson owned a Bible, but he cut out all the parts he didn't agree with, notably the blatantly supernatural passages.
Unitarian Universalism is a Christian denomination believes that God is one person, opposed to the traditional Holy Trinity. In regards to Jesus, they believe that he was a prophet and in a sense the "son" of God, but not God himself.
The section opens up with a passage from Excerpts from the Correspondence of Thomas Jefferson, where he talks about how many religious institutions have added superstitious baggage to Jesus' teachings, and that it would be good to strip off all this and focus only on the words of Jesus himself.
Stat Block posted:
CR 8
XP 4,800
Human expert 10
CG Medium humanoid (human)
Init +2; Senses Perception +4
AC 12, touch 12, flat-footed 10
hp 90 (10d8+10)
Fort +6, Ref +5, Will +13
Speed 30 ft.
Melee unarmed +13/1d3+2 nonlethal
During Combat Unitarian Jesus attacks only in
defense of others and/or while confronting corrupt
or abusive worldly powers
Str 16, Dex 14, Con 16, Int 16, Wis 18, Cha 18
Base Atk +13; CMB +6; CMD 12
Feats
Iron Will, Skill Focus (Knowledge [geography, local,
nature, history], Diplomacy)
Skills
Appraise +14, Diplomacy +17, Knowledge (dungeoneering,
engineering, local) +13, Knowledge
(geography) +12, Knowledge (history) +14,
Knowledge (nature) +17, Knowledge (nobility)
+5, Knowledge (religion) +10, Linguistics +14
Languages
Aramaic, Hebrew
Combat Gear/Treasure
robe, sandals
Jesus, sans supernatural powers and miracles. He's incredibly skilled, knowledgeable, and physically and mentally fit, but that's the extent of his abilities.
Jesus, Mortal Ministry Version
This section opens up with Luke 5:17-23 , where Jesus heals a blind man, and the Pharisees witness his preaching and take him to be a blasphemer.
Stat Block posted:
CR 18
XP 153,600
Human cleric 19
NG Medium humanoid (human, extraplanar
(good))
Init +4; Senses Perception +21
AC 15, touch 14, flat-footed 15 (+4 deflection, +2
natural)
hp 219 (19d8+95+35)
Fort +17 (and may re-roll a Fort save once/day),
Ref +6, Will +20 (and may re-roll a Will save
once/day)
Speed 30 ft.
Space 5 ft.
Melee unarmed +14/+9/+4 (1d3+2) nonlethal
Special Attacks
Channel positive energy 7/day (DC 23, heal 10d6 to
living creatures or do 10d6 to undead)
Domain Spell-Like Abilities
Touch of Good (Sp): Jesus can touch a creature as
a standard action, granting a +9 bonus on attack
rolls, skill checks, ability checks, and saving
throws equal to half your cleric level (minimum
1) for 1 round. He can use this ability 9 times per
day.
Rebuke Death (Sp): Jesus can touch a living creature
as a standard action, healing it for 1d4+9 points of
damage. He can only use this ability on a creature
that is below 0 hit points. He can use this ability 9
times per day.
Healer’s Blessing (Su): All cure spells are treated as
if they were empowered, increasing the amount
of damage healed by half (+50%). This does not
apply to damage dealt to undead with a cure
spell. This does not stack with the Empower Spell
metamagic feat.
Water Walk (permanent)
Cleric Spells Prepared (CL 19th; concentration
+25)
9th—mass heal (x4)
8th—holy aura (x2), mass cure critical wounds (x2)
7th—greater restoration, holy word (x2), resurrection
(x2)
6th—banishment (x2), heal (x2), heroes’ feast
5th—breath of life (x2), dispel evil (x3)
4th—cure critical wounds (x2), dismissal, holy smite
(x2), restoration
3rd—create food and water, dispel magic, invisibility
purge, magic circle against evil, magic vestment
2nd—gentle repose, hold person (x2, DC 18), lesser restoration, shield other
1st—protection from evil, remove blindness and deafness,
remove curse, remove disease, remove fear
0 (at will)—detect magic, guidance, read magic, virtue
Domains Good, Healing
Before Combat
Jesus casts protection from evil, magic vestment,
remove fear
During Combat
Jesus refuses to attack any foe himself, excepting
moneychangers occupying religious buildings,
which case He makes either unarmed or improvised
weapon attacks until they leave the area. He
also seeks to grapple/restrain any ally who draws
a weapon to defend Him.
Str 18, Dex 10, Con 18, Int 8, Wis 22, Cha 18
Base Atk +11; CMB +16; CMD +26
Feats
Alignment Channel (Good), Combat Casting,
Great Fortitude, Heavy Armor Proficiency, Improved
Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Improved
Unarmed Strike, Improved Iron Will, Iron
Will, Selective Channeling, Toughness, Turn Undead
Skills
Craft (carpentry) +4, Knowledge (local) +6,
Knowledge (religion) +13, Perception +21, Sense
Motive +10
Languages
Aramaic, Hebrew (?), Latin(?)
Gear
robe, sandals
Special Abilities
And on the third day . . .: If Jesus is ever reduced to
0 hp, 72 hours later, He is subject to a resurrection
spell and returns at 100% of normal hit points (although
those wounds responsible for initially reducing
him to zero hp remain). He gains Strength
25 for 10 rounds thereafter. He also then gains the
ability to cast fly and tongues at will.
I take this stat block to be Jesus in his "mortal" life, before he was crucified and resurrected.
I like the touch of unique special abilities, and his violent hatred for money changers. I notice that this Jesus isn't very smart in either raw Intelligence or Knowledge, and his skill set isn't very good.
By looking up "Mortal Ministry" on Google, the first results I get are all links to Latter-Day Saints websites. Perhaps some Mormon/Ex-Mormon Goons can fill me in on this? The product otherwise doesn't make any mention of Mormonism.
Jesus on the Day of Judgment
The Day of Judgment, more commonly known as the Last Judgment, is the final and eternal judgment of all living humans in every nation by God. It draws inspiration from the Bible itself, which describes Jesus as separating all the people by his right and left hands. Those on his right are worthy of entering the Kingdom of Heaven, those on his left are cast into fire.
Stat Block posted:
CR 23
XP 819,200
LG Medium outsider (human, extraplanar, good)
Init +9; Senses darkvision 60 ft., detect evil, true
seeing; Perception +33
Aura protective aura
AC 45, touch 6, flat-footed 43 (+14 armor, +1 Dex,
+1 dodge, +19 natural, +4 deflection vs. evil)
hp 363 (22d10+242); regeneration 15
Fort +25, Ref +14, Will +23; +4 vs. poison, +4 resistance vs. evil
DR 15/epic and evil; Immune acid, cold, petrification;
Resist electricity 15, fire 15; SR 34
Speed 50 ft., fly 150 ft. (good); 35 ft., fly 100 ft.
(good) in armor
Space 5 ft.
Melee +5 flaming greatsword +35/+30/+25/+20
(3d6+18) or slam +30 (2d8+13)
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 20th)
Constant—detect evil, discern lies (DC 21), fly, true
seeing, water walk
At Will—aid, animate objects, commune, continual
flame, dimensional anchor, greater dispel magic, holy
smite (DC 21), imprisonment (DC 26), invisibility (self
only), lesser restoration, remove curse, remove disease,
remove fear, resist energy, speak with dead (DC 20),
waves of fatigue
3/day—blade barrier (DC 23), earthquake (DC 25),
heal, resurrection, waves of exhaustion
1/day—greater restoration, power word blind, power
word kill, power word stun, prismatic spray (DC 24),
wish
Spells Prepared (CL 20th)
9th—mass heal, miracle, storm of vengeance (x2; DC
27)
8th—fire storm (DC 26), holy aura (x2; DC 26), mass
cure critical wounds (x22)
7th—destruction (DC 25), dictum (DC 25), greater
restoration, holy word (x2; DC 25)
6th—banishment (DC 24), heroes’ feast, mass cure
moderate wounds, undeath to death (DC 24), word of
recall
5th—break enchantment, breath of life, dispel evil (DC
23), plane shift (DC 23), righteous might, symbol of
sleep (DC 23)
4th—cure critical wounds (x3), dismissal (x2; DC 22),
neutralize poison (x2; DC 22)
3rd—cure serious wounds, daylight, invisibility purge,
magic circle against evil, prayer, protection from energy,
wind wall
2nd—align weapon, bear’s endurance, consecrate (x2),
cure moderate wounds (x3)
1st—bless, cure light wounds (x3), shield of faith (x3)
0 (at will)—detect magic, purify food and drink, stabilize,
virtue
Str 28, Dex 20, Con 30, Int 23, Wis 27, Cha 25
Base Atk +22; CMB +32; CMD 47
Feats
Cleave, Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative,
Improved Sunder, Improved Iron Will, Iron
Will, Lightning Reflexes, Mobility, Power Attack,
Toughness
Skills
Craft (carpentry) +31, Diplomacy +32, Fly +32,
Knowledge (history) +40, Knowledge (nature)
+40, Knowledge (religion) +40, Perception +33,
Sense Motive +40, Spellcraft +31, Stealth +21
Languages
All
Treasure
+5 full plate, +5 flaming greatsword
Special Abilities
Eternal and Uncreated: If Jesus is ever reduced to
0 hp, He is immediately subject to a resurrection
spell at the beginning of the next round and returns
at 50% of normal hit points.
Spells: Jesus can cast spells as a 20th-level cleric. In
His aspect as herald of the Day of Judgement, he
does not have access to domain spells or special
domain abilities.
Note also that in this iteration of Himself, which
emphasizes divine Righteousness rather than
Mercy, Jesus switches from the Neutral Good of
his earthly self to the pure Lawful Good of Heaven
Itself.
I can tell that they're going for the holy warrior angle here. I don't think that this really fits. Based upon the Biblical sources linked, it did not make mention of Jesus preparing for battle or using violence as part of his Judgment. Some of the offensive spells make sense for the wrath of God (Storm of Vengeance, Earthquake, etc.) but stuff like Blade Barrier, Power Word Kill, Prismatic Spray, and Full Plate Armor and a Flaming Greatsword on top of that clearly portray him as a holy death machine!
Oh well, at least this Jesus is smart and can fly worth a damn (yes, Fly is a skill in Pathfinder). He's also got a kick-ass Stealth modifier; don't know how that fits with his character, but this stat block doesn't come off as the most authentic one we've seen.
Post-Tribulation Prince of Peace Jesus
Basically, there is a belief of Christian eschatology which posits that Jesus will return to Earth a second time during the End Time, or Great Tribulation. This draws heavily upon the Book of Revelations, where God comes to Earth to live among the people.
Stat Block posted:
CR 25
XP 1,614,000
NG Medium outsider (human, extraplanar, good)
Init +7; Senses darkvision 60 ft., detect evil, true
seeing; Perception +40
Aura healing aura (see below), peaceful aura (see
below)
AC 14, touch 10, flat-footed 14
hp 310 (31d10); regeneration 50 (see also “Eternal
and Uncreated” under Special Abilities below)
Fort +22, Ref +22, Will +30
DR 25;
Immune domination, electricity, fire, acid, cold,
sleep, petrification
Speed 30 ft., fly 150 ft. (good)
Space 5 ft.
Melee N/A (never attacks)
Spell-Like Abilities (W 20th, CL 20th)
Constant—detect evil, discern lies (DC 21), fly, true
seeing, water walk
At Will—aid, animate objects, commune, continual
flame, create food and water, dimensional anchor,
greater dispel magic, greater restoration, heal, heroes’
feast, holy word, imprisonment (DC 26), invisibility
(self only), lesser restoration, power word blind, power word stun, remove curse, remove disease, remove fear,
resurrection, resist energy, speak with dead (DC 20),
waves of fatigue
5/day--limited wish (except: cannot duplicate
spells that directly do damage)
3/day—wish (except: cannot duplicate spells that
directly do damage)
Str 18, Dex 18, Con 18, Int 23, Wis 27, Cha Total
(Jesus automatically succeeds and/or outrolls adversaries
on all Charisma checks; in such case as a
numeric bonus may be needed, use +100)
Base Atk N/A (never attacks)
Feats
Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Great Fortitude,
Improved Initiative, Improved Iron Will,
Improved Lightning Reflexes, Iron Will, Lightning
Reflexes, Mobility
Skills
Craft (carpentry) +30, Diplomacy +40, Fly +40,
Knowledge (history) +40, Knowledge (nature)
+40, Knowledge (religion) +40, Perception +40,
Sense Motive +40, Spellcraft +40, Stealth +40
Languages
All
Treasure
none
Special Abilities
Eternal and Uncreated: If Jesus is ever reduced to
0 hp, He is immediately subject to a resurrection
spell at the beginning of the next round and returns
at 50% of normal hit points.
Healing Aura: Within 100’ of Jesus, all healing,
natural or magical, is multiplied by 3. Also, all
creatures (including undead) have regeneration
10 and, if currently affected by poison or disease,
may make a save against that poison or disease
at +25 at the beginning of each round, before any
damage or other effects occur for that round. All
creatures affected by ability score damage regain
lost ability points at a rate of 1 per round per ability
Peaceful Aura: Within 100’ of Jesus, any character
or creature that would make an attack, use an ability
or cast a spell that would cause 1 hp or more of
damage must make a Will save (DC 50) in order to
carry out the attack, ability or spell casting. “Inanimate”
sources of damage (i.e. fires or traps) simply
fail to do any damage whatsoever. All Diplomacy
skill checks whose aim is to reduce conflict and/
or avert harm are at a +20 to succeed.
Check out that Charisma score.
Now this stat block makes a lot more sense. It's built around a concrete theme: complete and utter pacifism. In God's New Kingdom, there is no more violence, pain, and suffering, and Prince of Peace Jesus has abilities specifically tailored to eliminate these sources of harm.
His feat selection feels uninspired and limited, like the authors just said "let's just load him up with defensive stuff." I'd have gone for Leadership, Skill Focus (Diplomacy, Heal), and various healing and social stuff.
His Diplomacy modifier is wrong (+40), at odds with his Total Charisma (which has +100 if it has game stats at all).
And that's it. That's all the Jesuses.
Final Thoughts
Like the GOP Bestiary, I felt that they should have included more examples. Some of the design decisions for the stat blocks felt off, and I was sort of hoping that they'd go more for "alternate" Jesus interpretations in the sense of the Jefferson Bible (by far the most unique and interesting take in this product), but I figure one can only go so far.
I can't really see this being used in most games; it's really just a novelty purchase, but it's honest about what it's selling.
Would I recommend it? Well, aside from the stat blocks it has a foreward for the design decision and some Biblical and Jefferson quotes for each Jesus. 3 bucks is chump change either way, so if you like the idea and can spare the cash, support the creator if you're that kind of guy/girl.
Next time, The Book of Harlots!
And just for fun, I made stats for Supply Side Jesus.
CR 11
XP 12,800
Human Bard 11
NE Medium Humanoid
Init +4; Senses Perception +14
AC 19 (+3 armor, +3 natural, +3 deflection), touch 13, flat-footed 16
hp 79
Fort +6 Ref +10 Will +12
Speed 30 feet
Space 5 feet Reach 5 feet
Melee Unarmed Strike +8 (1d3 non-lethal); Supply Side Jesus avoids combat, preferring to let hired minions do the dirty work
Class Features
Bardic Knowledge (+5)
Bardic Performance (21 rounds per day), can start as a move action; countersong, distraction, fascinate, inspire competence, inspire courage, suggestion, dirge of doom, inspire greatness
Versatile Performance (Act, Dance, and Oratory)
Lore Master (2/day)
Jack of all Trades
Spells Per Day: 1st: 7; 2nd: 6; 3rd: 6; 4th: 3
Spells Known: 0: Dancing Lights, Daze, Detect Magic, Ghost Sound, Mage Hand, Prestidigitation; 1st: Charm Person, Confusion (Lesser), Cure Light Wounds, Expeditious Retreat, Hypnotism, Silent Image; 2nd: Calm Emotions, Cure Moderate Wounds, Delay Poison, Enthrall, Suggestion; 3rd: Cure Serious Wounds, Glibness, Good Hope, Remove Curse; 4th: Modify Memory, Neutralize Person, Secure Shelter
Str 10 Dex 10 Con 12 Int 14 Wis 10 Cha 20
Base Atk +8 CMB +8 CMD 18
Feats
Extra Performance (x2), Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Lingering Performance, Skill Focus (Perform-Act, Perform-Oratory),
Skills
Appraise +8, Escape Artist +14, Knowledge (History, Nobility, Religion) +19, Linguistics +7, Perception +12, Perform (Act, Oratory) +25, Profession (Huckster) +12, Sleight of Hand +14, Spellcraft +14, Use Magic Device +15; substitutes Bluff and Disguise with Perform (Act), and Diplomacy and Sense Motive with Perform (Oratory)
Languages
Aramaic, Greek, Hebrew, Latin, one other
Gear
Amulet of Natural Armor +3, Bracers of Armor +3, Ring of Protection +3, Robe of Resistance +3, Rod of Splendor, lavish estate, thousands of gold pieces worth of luxury goods