This RPG is pretty gross.

Knowing the Price of Salt Helps You Sleep

posted by FourmyleCircus Original SA post

(The above image links to the bundle on RPGnow, in case you wish to fund their madness. You'll get seven products for seven dollars.)
Witch Girls Adventures: All About The Voodollars: Part 1 Knowing The Price Of Salt Helps You Sleep.

The core book is already covered, as well as the Playable characters from The Pirates of Buccaneer Hill, so I'll concern myself with the two other supplements. The comics are out of the scope of this thread, even if Witch Girls Tales stats out the cast.

First on the chopping block is All About The Voodollars, a twenty four page pamphlet designed to give the setting more depth and realism. Gasp.

The cover, as you can see, is about what you'd expect from this system. Blinged out teens on thrones with skulls. Also, this book alone used to go for seven dollars. So I guess I got my money's worth with this bundle. Yeah, you don't need tags to see that I don't believe that one. It claims to have been edited and proofread by a one Jess Hartley. Don't believe it for a second. I'm kinda glad, I've got about as much grounds to sue them for false advertising as they do to sue Disney over a witch named Lucinda.

Anyway, the index contains a side bar by Abby Soto, Princess Lucinda's creator, going on about how she needs to know the price of salt to have a meaningful game, and she's weirded out by the fact that Witches Have Money... so this book was created to help her sleep at night. You might think I'm being fanciful. You'd be wrong. She makes all these points. Oh, and it also contains a picture of three little girls robbing a bank. In the most adorable, non-violent fashion possible. By blowing a hole in the wall and lasering the lockboxes open.

Once you get past that, the first actual section is called "All about the Voodollars", and deals with the perks and perils of giving people bonus XP. This is the source of the above chart . But we'll get to that. The layout of this section makes no damn sense. There's a nice big picture of a girl magicking up money on the left side, with a couple paragraphs under it explaining what Voodollars are and why you should give them out for anything fun. And then the chapter head shows up, along with a paragraph that says that just playing with your friends should be reward enough, but hey, XP!

After going on about this, it tells you to limit yourself to ten Voodollars per person per game. I think that's what it says. It actually says "To balance encouragement and value, we suggest limiting the number of Voodollars handed out each episode to ten." If it meant you should only give out ten bonus XP points an episode, it becomes a sort of scrabbling Witch-Eat-Witch free-for-all as everyone competes to be the biggest brown-noser. It's about as conductive to a stable group as running Carebears in Amber.

I'm just making a screen shot of this next part. Not the worst has to offer, but hell.

How to what them? One more word and we'll have a sentence. How to hate them? How to swim through them like Scrooge McDuck? How to give herself paper-cuts while gently caressing herself with them? And yes, that whole book has that paper texture. It's actually worse on the left edge, with a lot of letters getting soaked up by black boarders.

The next section gives directions on making a group fund. They suggest that you make everyone chip in an equal amount so that no one feels entitled. Sane enough. Almost too sane.

Moving on... Here's the chart. "Earning Voodollars in new ways". There's a paragraph explaining the chart and it moves onto spending Voodollars in new ways. This too is just a paragraph or two justifying a chart.

Yes, you're reading this chart right. You can give up XP to heal damage, remove spells, or increase your rolls. Because that's exactly what you should be doing with a resource the GM is encouraged to keep a tight hold on. Spending it for temporary advantage so you'll forever be a second banana. The art on this page is a nice color picture of three Hex Scouts fighting a cyclops. I have no idea what that has to do with anything, but hey, it's there. I think the girl with the pink hair and boots is supposed to be a Dwitch. No, you don't know what a Dwitch is yet.

I'm going to speed through this next bit because it's uninteresting, minimal setting work. I bring you "New Voodollars", which are print out and cut-out play money to hand over as XP. It comes in color and black and white and tells you all about the person on the bill. The One Voodollar Bill has Hecuba Morbane; the current High Enchantress. Her background text has a few weird values judgments. "In her youth she was on the front lines of holding together the tedious alliances between witches and vampires and even marrying one (Claudius Morbane)". So, it seems witches find having to deal with other sentient species tedious. Good to know.

The two dollar bill has Queen Gothel, the evil witch from every fairy tale ever. Also a boarding school headmistress. Nothing to say other than I'm still pretty sure Frau Totenkinder's reaction to meeting her would make what she did to Baba Yaga look kind.

The three-dollar bill has Abby Bruja, a political activist with Hags Syndrome and apparently toes for fingers. I know it's just the angle and that the trace job on that photo is terrible, but... Look at that.

The five has a picture of Boddica. She's some sort of war hero who died in World War two. We're walking. The ten has a picture of Josephine Baker ... Who apparently was a witch who discovered it late in life and helped preform the ceremony that ended World War Two... and according to this picture looks just like Eartha Kitt. And the twenty dollar bill has a picture of Raven from Teen Titans. Just with the serial numbers filed off poorly. Raven Sinclare is from a parallel universe where superheroes exist, and she's the most powerful Sorceress. Yeah.

Each one of those dollar bills was given an entire page, with so much white space you could write a better game in it. We're about to get into actual setting stuff and spells... so I'm going to stop here. Because damn it. I am not reading this whole book in one sitting for a third time.

Fucking Money, How Does It Work?

posted by FourmyleCircus Original SA post

Bieeardo posted:

I want to suggest that autocorrect turned 'tenuous' into 'tedious', but it seems pretty honest as it is.

Google and I had the same reaction to Boddica: did they mean Boudica ? Because god damn it, there's appropriation, and there's appropriation .

Gich. My skin's crawling already. I've always hated demonic child stories.
First: Yeah, they did. Now that I can see it, they totally did. I also misspelled it in my write up because they spelled it "Boddicaa". Two As. She really has no introduction aside from "Warrior, priestess, chieftain and witch, Boddicaa fought the Romans and established the groundwork of the nation that would become England." Then brief witch nonsense then, she gave her life during World War Two.

Secondly: If you have trouble with Demon Children, you should skip the Babysitting article in 13 Magazine.

Mr. Maltose posted:

Dammit Syrg you're going to run this shit aren't you.
Oh good, saves me the trouble of running it. I had a short campaign of sorts worked up called "Bring Me The Head Of Lucinda Nightbane". Looks like I can throw away those notes.

Alien Rope Burn posted:

Read and learn, I suppose! Also, I think your dollars funded at least three horrible witch girls to learn about hope again. Or unhope. Whatever giving them money pays for.
Lawyers, to sue Disney for W.I.T.C.H. and Sofia the First. Both lawsuits that have happened, though the latter is currently in the process of being rejected. Not kidding. They also sued another comic book company over Witch Girls. Which is why Second Edition and the Princess Lucinda Movie are on hold. And why their website is down.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, it's time for the next installment of...

(there was A LINK here but now its gone)

Witch Girls Adventures: All About The Voodollars: Part 2: Fucking Money, How Does It Work?

So, now that I'm through with the whitespace and tables, it's time to get the densely packed stuff. The first thing I have to say is I was wrong. The black boarders are on 13 Magazine. Now to the book. The page heading is Money In The World Of Witch Girls. However, we get another bit of their amazing proof-reading(as Syrg can now attest), where it takes the text of the last page and repeats it, giving us another thing of Raven's history. It's under History that this actually picks up. It goes on to talk about how Ancient Witches tend to look back on the past as the good old days, ignoring that there were just as many wars and diseases and just as much greed back then. But you could get away with telling people, and I quote "Give me what I want or I lay waste to your village with a plague of fire-breathing, flying sharks." and they'd probably open up a temple in your honor.

This resulted in every supernatural creature Child of Lilith declaring themselves divinity and killing people for profit. Then they all decided it was a bad idea and sat on their thumbs until humans invented The Economy(Civilization Style, I suppose), and then traded good and services until those wacky humans invented racism. So they had to go to the Gnomes Of Zurich , who are in this case, literal Gnomes living under Zurich.

The Gnomes Of Zurich operate the Luna Bank, which offers universal currency exchange, credit cards, and stocks and bonds, both magical and mundane. Thats right you can buy shares in Microsoft at the Luna Bank! The Luna Bank board is made up of two Gnomes of Zurich, one dwarf, and one of every type of Otherkin... and one human. Despite this, it's mostly run by the WWC. There's a note about the Longevity Account, which is a special type of bank account that six year old witches(as well as Vampires and Immortals) can open which will lock away their money until their hundredth birthday, and it accumulates interest until then. There are branches in every major city, and every magical city, which means that yes, you can go from school to the bank. Or more likely, there's a bank in the school.

The Great Vault is potentially the most interesting bit of the Luna Bank. Three miles beneath a Swiss mountain is where all the world's gold, that isn't actively in use, is kept. The vault is made out of Cold Iron, so only Dwarves, Gnomes, and people of Dwarf and Gnome ancestry can enter without "succumbing to the magic-negating nature of the vault".

The vault also contains the GOZ's computer system and various special meeting rooms, but they're buried in the granite, far below the Cold Iron Holding Vault. Nearby is the hidden dwarf/gnome/dwitch village of Ironheim.

And now we're onto the Law of Economic Influence. Basically, a couple paragraphs on what happens if you try to get rich quick. Generally, they'll just take the money away, but they might ground you without magic for a month, or freeze your account.

Now to the part that breaks the system wide open. How Much Is An Allowance Point? An allowance point is around $50 or 35 Euros. Look at the prices and know that that's fifty bucks. Your average Witch Girl gets a hundred and fifty bucks a week. This will be important when I read 13 Magazine

Now onto new Talents and Heritages. The New talents are Covetous(which gives you a +1 to get stuff you want, including begging mommy for more money), Generous(+1 rolls to "being giving charitable", or +2 to social rolls), Poor(Which sets "the character's monthly weekly allowance to 1(10 starting allowance savings)", but gives you +2 life levels and +1 to will rolls), Stingy(which lets you use broken items like new and get an extra dose out of all potions and a +5 to starting allowance savings).

The Heritages are up next. We've got the Alchemist who is actually pretty cool. She makes potions instead of casting spells like a normal witch. She gets a +2 to her potions roll for free, and all of her potion spells will run off it. An alchemist can make liquid, gas, or dissolving powder cake forms... That's right, you can drop tablets into people's drinks that will turn them into gold, a mouse, or make them more generous. She also gets a +3 to resist non-magical poisons and a +2 to resist magical poisons and harmful potions. Which means you can totally poison everyone's food and rely on an acquired immunity. On the down side, you've got a -2 to all rolls for casting spells normally, and casting normally costs two more zap.

Half-Dwarves(or Dwitches) have some of the worst non-dollar bill art in this book, and also are kinda offensive so I'm just going to give you the image...

That thing in her hand? That's a special magical dwarven smithy hammer. So, she's even being kinda singled out in universe.

The final new heritage is the Magi-matician. Which have magic math powers. You can spend two Zap Points(or, as the exchange rate between Zap Points and voodollars is one to one, a bag of cheetos) to reroll any roll once, and take the better outcome. Also, a +1 to the Basics skill and a +1 to math rolls. Due to their uncanny predictive abilities and memory, they get a +2 to either of those thing. Their down side is that they're bad with people, reducing their die type one step, and if their rerolls fail, they lose an extra zap point and become flustered.

And this is where I stop for the night because I really don't want to stare at the picture of a woman getting turned into gold or the spell that lets you steal another life form's magic to spend as cash. Hopefully, I'll get through the last of this book next post.

Rainbow Connection

posted by FourmyleCircus Original SA post

Witch Girl Adventures: All About The Voodollars Part 3: Rainbow Connection

(there was a link here, but now it's gone)

New Spells, get'cher new spells! Most of these are illegal, so don't tell anyone where you got them.

Ace in the Hole is second level Divination spell spell that gives you a +2 to Resist Magic or Reflex against the next attack of whoever you specified in casting, or a +2 to your Games skills if just playing a game. By itself just kinda cool. But combined with the Alchemist you go straight into addiction kink territory. Taking a moment in battle to drink something before coming back faster than ever.

Advance Alchemy(Alteration 2) is probably a victim of their inability to hire a decent proofreader. What was probably meant was Advanced Alchemy. It turns a base metal into gold, silver, or some other precious metal for the duration of the spell. Don't sell it, that'd break the law of economic influence. But what spell do you use to turn the resulting gold into cookies?

Beggars Choice(Mentalism ?) forces the victim to be free with their money. They gain the generous trait for the duration of the spell, and lose any trait that would make them stingy. If cast successfully on a parent, that parent will increase a Witch's Allowance (for a minimum of a week) by 1 point per MTR of the spell. That's right, Alchemist. Slip fizzing poison chemical cakes into your mother's OJ to get an extra hundred dollars a week.

Cha-Ching (Conjuration 1) allows you to make 1 allowance point(fifty bucks) per MTR... and requires a Hard Sense, Art, or Mind roll to detect. Also illegal and will probably get your ass tracked down by the WWC if you use it to buy anything bigger than a hamburger.

Insider Trading(Divination 3) gives you insight on the stock market and economic changes. Simply focus on the thing you want to know more about and cast it. You can use it on a stock future or an eBay bid equally. If you succeed, you'll know how much it'll rise, fall, or what the high bid will be in an auction, for one day per MTR. Once again, when combined with the Alchemist, you get someone constantly taking various chemicals because they're more 'in touch with the universe'/better that way.

Midas Touch, just in case you thought I was joking about turning people into gold. Alteration 4/Curse 5. Two different spells, same name. With the alteration version, you can choose to either turn everything a person is carrying to gold along with them, or just them. Meaning you could theoretically strip down your rivals and leave them naked and frozen in public. Thanks WGA, just what I always wanted. But, hey. It makes for a good Non-Lethal Takedown. And remember, using magical gold to buy things is illegal, so you can't just melt them down and make them into jewelry without the Magi-Maticians and Gnomes of Zurich looking at you funny. Well, unless you keep the jewelry for yourself. It also presents us with the first overt fetish picture of the book.

The curse is just the curse of King Midas with the limitation that it won't turn anything bigger than a grown human adult into gold, and you can designate whether it's the hands, feet, or mouth.

Net Robber(Cybermancy 2) lets you take money from one online account or bank and transfer it to another. It can be used legally or just to steal funds, which is of course illegal.

Paying the Ferryman(Necromancy 4) is actually a really interesting spell on it's own. You can bribe death to leave you the hell alone. Two life points are returned per Allowance Point spent. Of course, there's a down side. You lose an extra zap point for every life point recovered. If you run out of Zap in the next day or so, Death's Boss notices the bribery and sends a Dread Wraith after you, with intent to kill you.

Rainbow connection(Elementalism 4) should be a fun, happy spell. It allows you to turn rainbows into physical objects which you can hide behind, use as a slide, use as a ladder, whatever. It also allows you to find a Leprechaun's crock of gold, if there's a hidden one in the area. The reason this isn't a happy thing will come up when I get to the new monsters.

Space Vault(Time and Space 3) lets you turn anything(living or not) into a storage space. When activated, the spell opens a hole in the target 1Ft by 1Ft per MTR of the spell. The hole can befilled with anything, then closed and sealed(not harming the vessel). At any time, you can just open that sucker back up, so long as you're the same person who put the spell on them and you use the same spell. Yet another reason to carry around a shrunken human in your purse. So you can use them as a second purse. Undo the shrinking for a moment, pin them down, cast the spell, and put stuff in them. Or, I suppose, you could store stuff in your best friend in a totally consensual manner.

Space Vault is technically the last spell in here, but there's copies of unproof-read versions of Paying the Ferryman, Rainbow connection, and Space Vault after it...

New items!

Alchemist Globes are basically grenade cases that cost 1 allowance point for every two. Nothing more to them. Make your own Gold Gas Grenades.

The Alchemist Shooter is actually really cool. It's this nice raygun thing that shoot potions up to fifty foot. It can hold six different spells, and three doses of each. As you can make gas versions of spells... You know you want to be like Darkwing Duck. A drug addicted, preteen Darkwing Duck. I have no idea where I was going with that... Anyway, it's 7 AP.

The Credit Card Broom is... a broom that turns into a credit card. Or more specifically, it's an enchantment that lets you turn your broom into a credit card for an extra two allowance points.

The Luna Bank card is a bank card. The only new magical thing about it is that it can summon cash directly, and it makes it harder for people to steal from you. If you get less than 4 allowance a week, it costs 1 AP, if you get 5 or more, you it costs 2 AP.

The Money Charm is a charm braclet or necklace that lets you trade in Zap points for cash. More specifically, your maximum Zap goes down by one, but your allowance goes up by a point a week for as long as the charm is worn. You can only wear one at a time, and it costs Five AP... which means it takes five weeks to pay for itself. Now, what I'm curious about is how it works in a way that doesn't mess with the laws of Fincancial Influence. Is there another partner charm out that there that gives an extra zap in exchange for an allowance point? Are the Gnomes using it to power Magic!Google?

The Wammer is a one foot long hammer with a smaller than normal head that acts both as a smithy hammer and a wand. That's right, you can have a Dwitch and her wammer. Anyway, it has all the same properties as a basic wand, but it gives a +1 to enchantment and Fix rolls. Like the Alchemist Shooter, it costs 7 AP.

Casting Call!
So, here we are, in the home stretch. I'm almost done with this accursed book... and then I'll have to move onto something worse. Why didn't I read The Void instead?

Dwarves are immune to Cold Iron, they know where all precious metals and gems are within twenty feet of them, and they get two extra life levels and ignore one point of damage for being short and tough. They have three to eight(so... 1d6+2) ranks in magic, but can only place it in Conjuration, Elementalism, Divination, Illusion, Healing, Offense, and protection. They can't get higher than 4 ranks, and only the oldest have a four in anything. They're just... dwarves. The live in small villages, together. THey don't fear people, but they don't care for them either.

The Jikininki are zombies that eat people and things, and are obsessed with eating certain things, and go after greedy people. Not much to say here.

Leprechauns are alcoholic potheads who can get you stoned by being the same room as them. They're also amazing good with numbers and can count any amount of money instantly. This makes them good bankers. They're good liars, and amazing tricksters(+2 to any roll to be sneaky and tricky), and oh yes. Their crock of gold. All "leperacauns" have a crock of gold with 50-100 AP of gold in it. If anyone takes their gold, the know. The more gold you take, the weaker they become. When all of their gold is gone, they lose the ability to use magic and become normal people until they manage to refill it. They also turn into axe murders and will track your ass down. Rainbow Connection no longer looks so innocent, does it?

Luck Spirits help you get lucky. No, not like that. That's what magic roofies Love Potions are for. Luck Spirits are teleporting spirits that can curse you with a -5 to all rolls or your allowance, or bless you with a plus five to all rolls or your allowance. It takes a Very Hard roll to resist, but is simple enough to break. For a negative one, you knock on wood or toss salt over your sholder. If you want to break the good one, just break a mirror. Luck spirits live in objects and if that object is destroyed, they die. They only appear if their homes are in danger, to watch games of any sort, or if someone wrongs them. Oh, and if you abuse spells that make you lucky, they'll show up to kick your ass. So don't rig the super bowl or the lottery.

Sphinxes are witches and the descendants of witches that sided with Echidna. So, now they're giant winged lion women who can turn to stone, petrify people, and track people for two thousand miles... And yes, they're good with riddles. Sphinxes guard stuff. They're also an all female egg-laying species that lays every hundred years, and has a life span of five hundred years. I don't know why the game felt I needed to know that.

Yaotl are stone golems in gold armor. Which means they're immune to electricity and ignore two points of all damage. They're Aztecs golems that will steal stuff to bring back the Aztec empire. A cool idea, actually.

And that's it. I'm done with all about the Voodollars. Join me next time when I go through 13 Magazine, a supplement presented as an in universe magazine. So it tells you more about Witches than you ever wanted to know.