This RPG is pretty gross.

A Tale & Some Races

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

So, Tales started using all these terms I didn't recognize, and not knowing what I was actually reading was making my sperg itch, so I'm switching tracks and you can't stop me.

big red infodump page posted:

Races of the Tatakama is the first sourcebook specifically for the Tatakama Campaign Setting, and focuses exclusively on character creation. Inside, you’ll find twelve new player races, Tatakama-specific alternate racial traits for the core races, seven cultural templates that define a character’s social standing, dozens of starting talents and new feats.

This is also the largest of the three supplements, so if it's not in here, I guess I'll just itch forever.

If you'll recall, the Tales book started out with a race, so naturally, the Races book starts out with a tale. At the center of the multiverse sits Yggdrasyl, the Great Universal Tree... hey, wait a minute, what happened to the World Boner? Wasn't that a Fields creation? A game that's basically all about dongs, and he leaves out the largest one in existence? While I'm at it, why wasn't the setting defined in the core book, where you'd expect it? Anyhow, the Tatakama is shaped like an endless, flattened ring surrounding Yggdrasyl. The limbs of the Great Tree form a roof over the world, and other worlds hang from the branches like fruit. Since there's no actual sun but craptons of magic, it's always just past twilight everywhere all the time. The majority of the land is wilderness, but small cities and esoteric monasteries "dot the land like grains of sand spilled by some cosmic giant". Actually sounds halfway decent, but then he gets to the part where "desire and lust shapes reality", and we remember we're not in a place where Good Things happen.

A public-domain woodblock carving bears no relation to anything else on the page.

So. Races. Only about half of them are actually new, but they've all got fresh write-ups and new variant options included, so it's not quite as lazy as it looks at first. Alphabetical order okay!


Voyeurs in life who allowed their fetishism and lust to overcloud their spiritual development, resurrected as shit-eating zombie husks with prehensile tongues that go down to their ankles. That's literal shit-eating, by the way; it's how they nourish themselves, and also apparently how they reproduce? Yeah, I ain't thinking to hard about that one, either. Wretched, disgusting and perverse, but not especially malignant, even trustworthy in a pitiful sort of way, they tend to gather in nomadic 'families' that move from village to village, doing whatever tasks the inhabitants find too disgusting to take care of themselves (and with feudal Japan as a template, there's probably quite a few of those).

Remember, you're supposed to want to play as this.

Baseline racial traits: low-light vision, enhanced sense of smell, and Stealth bonus; Strangler Tongue (+2 to grapple), Bones of Shit (dissolve skeleton, fit through cracks or slide up walls), Corpophile (must eat feces from Monstrous/Humanoid/Giant of CHA 11+, because even poo-zombies have standards, apparently), Perverse Meal (penalty to all checks if 24 hours since last meal).

Alternate Racial Traits:

Bloodstrong Men

According to Shinto mythology, Izanami and Izanagi, the first god and goddess, created the island of Japan for a wedding bed. Since pretty much nobody else was around yet, Fields reckons they must have been related, which the Uncle Google can't confirm, but I admit sounds feasibly mythological. Now, with this in mind, remember in Preacher when the Roman Catholic Illuminati kept the bloodline of Jesus Christ uncorrupted for 2000 years through a program of forced inbreeding, evidenced by a single deformed drooling babbling imbecile? The Bloodstrong Men are that, only instead of being forced, they consider it an honor to bang their parents and siblings, and instead of millennia of birth defects, they arrive in the modern age as muscular, leonine, yellow-orange skinned demon slayers who still live in caves because tradition.

Baseline racial traits: racial bonus to Knowledge (History) and Perform (Oratory), low-light and scent, Lantern of the Clan (two Bloodstrong touch and burst into flame, lighting the area; if they've made incestuous nookie within 24 hours, they're as bright as the sun), Need-Fire (more holy flaming, blinding non-Good Outsiders).

Alternate racial traits:

Daughters of Kirin

Wh... hey. This was in Tales , word-for-word, except with the alternate traits. But this came first. So what was it doing in Tales , half-complete? Seriously, I'm baffled.

Baseline racial traits: Run and Endurance as bonus feats (Daughters "find almost orgasmic pleasure in pushing their bodies to the limit"), Heavenly Armor (natural armor bonus, clothes are for the weak), Touch Not The Earth (hover just above the ground, leave no trace unless by choice), Horse Sister (+2 to Ride and Handle Animal vs. equines, can speak to horses three times daily), Vegetarian (becomes Nauseated for 24 hours if they try to digest meat, or intentionally kill an Animal or Vermin "without excellent cause").

Alternate racial traits:


Culturally? Gypsy kender. No exaggeration. Physically? Androgynous features, a rainbow array of anime hair, and tiny, functioning, human eyes all across their chest, back, shoulders, arms, at the ends of their fingers, and surrounding their genitals.

Why is this image so much larger than the others?

Baseline racial traits: When unarmored or lightly armored, +4 to Perception/Search checks and cannot be flanked, +1 to Disable Device/Sleight of Hand checks regardless, Thieving Instinct (old-school Elven secret door trick in no/light armor), Thieving Step (can become ethereal during a move to pass through solid matter; mentions a round limit to maintain, but not per-diem usage), Unaverted Gaze (if no/light armor, auto-fail vs. gaze attacks).

Alternate racial traits:

I think this post has gotten long enough. Next time: brainy twats, rape monsters as PCs, and Belldandy! I can't wait!

More Races

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

Meh, starting again'd be too much bother.

Part 2: More Races

So! Shit-eating undead, incest-powered demon hunters, unicorn warrior women with armored vaginae, and kenders with more eyes than you can shake a stick at. At which you could shake a stick. Than. Lots, ye ken. What's next?


Actually the good sort of creepy.

Futakuchi (lit., "two mouths") come from Japanese folklore. Stories vary on details as to why, but the common thread is an otherwise ordinary human woman afflicted with a second, insatiably hungry mouth on the back of her neck, which feeds itself in secret using prehensile locks of hair. The jazzed-up playable versions are angels tasked with training and protecting the mortal champions of Heaven. Constant hunger clashes with a strong sense of purpose, making severity and somberness racial characteristics, giving them a disdainful view of humans' tendency for indolent self-gratification, and shaping them perfectly for acting out tsun-dere fantasies. Can pass for human with minimal care, unless they're totally nude, since their vaginae open sideways.

Baseline racial traits: Serpentine Mane as a racial bonus feat, darkvision ("when in absolute darkness, their eyes become jet black pools filled with distant stars" why not), Natural Weapons (biting with the second mouth can be tricky, but does fair damage, plus some to Outsiders and Undead), Celestial Inspiration (cast Bless 3+WIS mod per day), Celestial Modesty (-2 morale penalty on all rolls for 24 hours if a mortal man sees her eat).

Alternate racial traits:

Ironclub Oni

Hulking, monstrous, proud savage warrior types. Not fantastically original. Skin defaults to brick red, thick mane of black hair all over. Expert blacksmiths. Trained to use tetsubo (long studded clubs designed to smash armor and break bones) as soon as they're grown enough to hold one unassisted. Both genders apparently have spines on their genitals that maim or kill any other race during coitus, and can only conceive when bathed in the blood of their enemies. Okay, I guess that's new.

Baseline racial traits: +2 to any two Craft skills (except Alchemy, which is for nerds), Ironhead Tetsubo (critical hit multiplier of any manufactured bludgeoning weapon is upped by 1), Murder Zen (dealing the deathblow to any creature with an equal or greater challenge rating makes you immune to mental effects for an hour), Too Honest (make a successful Bluff check against any sentient creature, and you're Shaken for a day from the dishonor).

Alternate racial traits:


I'd wager you've seen their type around before.

Widdle godlings. Though immortal and wise in their own way, they're not any physically stronger than most mortals, and often ignorant of and/or confused by the ways of the mundane world. That doesn't stop them from throwing themselves full-steam-ahead into every task they take on, though. Appearance is almost human, except for the individual runic markings on the forehead and hands, and the fact that they, their hair, and any loose clothing worn are constantly floating, unaffected by gravity. Infernal kami may have "cute little bat-wings", and heavenly kami angel or fairy wings, either sticking out of the shoulder blades where you'd expect, or behind their ears, which never made a lick of sense to me and frankly looks dumb as hell.

Baseline racial traits: +4 racial bonus to Fly checks, a "defining subtype" (Air, Chaos, Cold, Earth, Evil, Fire, Good, Law, Water) and another racial bonus to two skills based on this, "big, soulful eyes that give them lowlight vision", Kami's Perfection (choose one of your subtype skills, gain an extra bonus die based on your level to any check made with it).

Alternate racial traits:

Three seems like a nice round number. Next time: underage sex berries, floating livers, and grumpy old animal fuckers! I can't wait!

Well, "Races" IS In The Name...

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

Part 3: Well, "Races" IS In The Name...


Not only is this rather good, it's totally removed from the actual race description, except for the leaves.

A race of arboreal Peter Pans, grandchildren of the Great Universal Tree, with an irresponsible, hedonistic nature resultant of having no in-born concept of linear continuity. Physically resembling adolescent human children with "faint, pre-teen ghosts of pubic hair, [...] woven from strands of long, soft grass" (guess that bit from the core book about lolicon being the exclusive purview of villains has gone to shit, surprise surprise), they can remain ageless for centuries, only beginning the long road to adulthood when they first experience self-doubt, hate, or anger. Clothed in leaves and vines if at all, and females are specified as being osmotically fertile.

Baseline racial traits: can burrow through loose earth, sand or mud at 1/3 speed, Plant Traits (immune to sleep, paralysis, stunning, critical hits, or massive damage; cannot drown, do not need to eat, but require twice as much water to survive), +4 to Stealth in natural terrain, Nimble Moves as a bonus feat, lowlight and darkvision, Earth Child (+2 to Combat Maneuver Defense while in contact with soil), Ripened (produce berries from the vines on their body which count as a full meal and heal 1 HP when eaten; having them plucked counts as a sexual act for the purpose of sex-magic feats), Death By Metal (Allergic to metal, plastic, and other such modern-day materials. Double armor check penalty if worn, DC 18 FORT save vs. dying with 6D6 damage on success if sexually penetrated with it. Elder kijimunna actually use this as a preferred suicide method. FIIIIIIIEEEEEEEELLLLDS!! )

Alternate racial traits:


Foxes who survive fifty years turn into humanoid fey tricksters. You get the idea. They have to hide their tails (one for each century, up to nine) under long kimonos or dresses, but their facial tattoos and foxy ears only show up in a mirror.

Baseline racial traits: +2 racial bonus to Bluff, +4 to Climb and can use the higher of STR or DEX as a modifier, lowlight vision, Four Footed Trickster (can shapeshift from fox to human and back at will, but must make a Bluff check if anyone's watching), Foxy Disguise (cast Alter Self once per day per five character levels), Liver of Immortality (consuming a kitsune's liver grants immortality, and a dying kitsune can will it to rise from their body and seek out a specific beneficiary).

Alternate racial traits:


Dour, kvetching, staunchly traditional earth spirits, like tiny wrinkled old men with coal-black skin but hair "as colorful as a peacock's plume". They keep and train animals like classic Rangers, but unlike them, have no bestiality taboo; in fact, the basic family unit is comprised of a husband, a wife, and one companion animal for each. Closely associated with the Daughters of Kirin , who are singled out as one of the few things in the universe that can make a koropokkuru smile.

Baseline racial traits: can count as either Humanoid or Animal (whichever is most favorable at any given time), Hit Die, skill ranks and some other unimportant number junk is similarly split between the two types, +4 racial bonus to Survival, Ride, and Handle Animal checks, lowlight vision, Ancient Wisdom of the Forest (substitute Survival for Knowledge while in "favored terrain"), Half an Animal (sex with beasts counts as sex with sentient for feat/magic purposes, and can tantrically uplift a beloved animal to true sentience once per season), Beloved Beast (animal companion always has the maximum possible Hit Points for its type).

Alternate racial traits:

Next time: huge hairy ball sacks, miscarriage zombies, and Fields shits all over the traditional race choices! I can't wait!

Alternates for everybody!

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

Syrg Sapphire posted:

Sadly no. They dropped the ball on 'races' in this game, and you'll see why later, I'm writing it up now.

Aw, no disciplinary knives? What a gyp.

Part 4: Alternates For Everybody!


Heh. Yeah, not really.

Tanuki are vulgar, fun-loving, shapeshifting jesters with comically huge testicles that they can blow up like balloons and play like drums. And that's just in the original folklore. Really, Fields didn't have to do much to fit these guys in. Except for some bizarre reason, he saw fit to include the option of female tanuki, who also have enormous gonads "hanging like bizarre tumors from their swollen labia". Oh, and there's a trick to breaking their illusions that I don't recall hearing before: coins tarnish and paper money wilts in their presence, so pressing either against their skin will quickly show their true colors. As a bonus, this also explains why they're constantly running out on bar tabs.

Baseline racial traits: racial bonus to Stealth and one free rank in Perform (Comedy) for every rank of any other Perform skill, Tanuki Tracks (transform into an ordinary raccoon-dog and back at will, triggers involuntarily if splashed with a full jug of sake), Tanuki's Testicles (those drums I mentioned can be used once a day to induce fear in opponents, also you can heft your scrotum over your shoulder and turn it into a "Handy Haversack" for one hour).

Alternate racial traits:


The ghosts of women who died in childbirth, the Ubume of the Tatakama blame themselves for having been too weak and have willingly rejected reincarnation, wandering the world with the soul of their dead child in their arms in the distant hope of finding some way to bring it to life. Strikes me as more of a pre-packaged character concept than a viable race, but whatever. It's not like "consistent world-building" has been high on my list of expectations here.

Baseline racial traits: slow movement speed due to pregnant waddling, darkvision, racial bonus to Diplomacy checks against children or childlike undead (coming soon!), Burdened Womb (carrying your child leaves you with only one free hand, or you can absorb it into your womb, but take a penalty to WILL saves), Dust of Guilt (summon a chilling wind to blow detritus from your child's corpse into a tornado of despair, shaking up anything that fails its WILL save; women are at -2 to this save, and if they've had a miscarriage or undergone an abortion themselves, they're shaken even on a success and rendered absolutely helpless on a failure), Motherhood and Rebirth (an instinctive ritual that can only be performed after "decades of unlife", the Ubume passes her dead baby to a willing, living, sentient female who either makes three increasingly difficult STR checks and brings both mother and child back to life, or fails any one of them and dies without hope of resurrection).

Alternate racial traits:

That's all there is for Tokyo originals, but wait! Surely, I hear you say, such a vibrant and varied world as the Tatakama has its own unique twists on the more traditional races! Well, aren't you the bright one!

Alternate Traits for Core Races

The next thing is a bunch of templates for the various castes inherent to feudal Japanese life, which looks boring so I'm gonna skip 'em. Next time: sacred bodily fluids, "retard strength", and see-through vulvae! I can't wait!

Talents for the Talentless

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

Part 5: Talents for the Talentless

For those who came in late: Talents are like highly specialized mini-Feats that you can only take at character creation to supplement your character concept. I, uh, can't think of anything else to say about them, so...

Getting tired, so keeping it short for now. Next time: magic made of shit, wings made of blood, and the secret to immortality! I can't wait!

More Great Band Names

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

Part 6: More Great Band Names

Birthright Feats

Like more elaborate Talents or less elaborate Races, Birthright Feats supposedly represent a character's heritage, but only maybe two make any sense in that context. Anyway, they're only selectable at first level, except for one which you can get under very particular circumstances.


Awwww here we go son.

That's it for Races . Next time: back to Tales of the Tatakama for some world-building lore! I can't wait!