Black Tokyo: Races of the Tatakama by Bitchtits McGee

A Tale & Some Races

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

So, Tales started using all these terms I didn't recognize, and not knowing what I was actually reading was making my sperg itch, so I'm switching tracks and you can't stop me.

This is also the largest of the three supplements, so if it's not in here, I guess I'll just itch forever.

If you'll recall, the Tales book started out with a race, so naturally, the Races book starts out with a tale. At the center of the multiverse sits Yggdrasyl, the Great Universal Tree... hey, wait a minute, what happened to the World Boner? Wasn't that a Fields creation? A game that's basically all about dongs, and he leaves out the largest one in existence? While I'm at it, why wasn't the setting defined in the core book, where you'd expect it? Anyhow, the Tatakama is shaped like an endless, flattened ring surrounding Yggdrasyl. The limbs of the Great Tree form a roof over the world, and other worlds hang from the branches like fruit. Since there's no actual sun but craptons of magic, it's always just past twilight everywhere all the time. The majority of the land is wilderness, but small cities and esoteric monasteries "dot the land like grains of sand spilled by some cosmic giant". Actually sounds halfway decent, but then he gets to the part where "desire and lust shapes reality", and we remember we're not in a place where Good Things happen.


^{A public-domain woodblock carving bears no relation to anything else on the page.}

So. Races. Only about half of them are actually new, but they've all got fresh write-ups and new variant options included, so it's not quite as lazy as it looks at first. Alphabetical order okay!

Akaname

Voyeurs in life who allowed their fetishism and lust to overcloud their spiritual development, resurrected as shit-eating zombie husks with prehensile tongues that go down to their ankles. That's literal shit-eating, by the way; it's how they nourish themselves, and also apparently how they reproduce? Yeah, I ain't thinking to hard about that one, either. Wretched, disgusting and perverse, but not especially malignant, even trustworthy in a pitiful sort of way, they tend to gather in nomadic 'families' that move from village to village, doing whatever tasks the inhabitants find too disgusting to take care of themselves (and with feudal Japan as a template, there's probably quite a few of those).


^{Remember, you're supposed to want to play as this.}

Baseline racial traits: low-light vision, enhanced sense of smell, and Stealth bonus; Strangler Tongue (+2 to grapple), Bones of Shit (dissolve skeleton, fit through cracks or slide up walls), Corpophile (must eat feces from Monstrous/Humanoid/Giant of CHA 11+, because even poo-zombies have standards, apparently), Perverse Meal (penalty to all checks if 24 hours since last meal).

Alternate Racial Traits:

Abura-Akago : Created when a child qualifies for Akanameization, only the universe is too bleeding heart to make a little kid eat shit for eternity, so it sets them to lick up lantern oil, instead. Oooookaaaay. Bones is replaced by Fire Resistance and a burning-oil-spit ranged attack, Corpo and Meal retooled towards oil.
Bulging-Eyed Voyeur : Akaname with big bulging eyes. Can see through walls instead of sniffing and sneaking good.
Corpse Licker : By eating the dying bowel excavations of any creature, a corpse licker experiences the deceased's last melee round of life first-hand. No sniff or sneak.
Shadow Skitter : Akaname with inky, blotchy skin. Increased land speed and dodge bonus in dim light or lower, no Bones .
Tenjoumame : Emo drow zombies. May cast "Darkness" once per day. This replaces Corpophile , but doesn't mention Perverse Meal . Rules-as-written, bitches.

Bloodstrong Men

According to Shinto mythology, Izanami and Izanagi, the first god and goddess, created the island of Japan for a wedding bed. Since pretty much nobody else was around yet, Fields reckons they must have been related, which the Uncle Google can't confirm, but I admit sounds feasibly mythological. Now, with this in mind, remember in Preacher when the Roman Catholic Illuminati kept the bloodline of Jesus Christ uncorrupted for 2000 years through a program of forced inbreeding, evidenced by a single deformed drooling babbling imbecile? The Bloodstrong Men are that, only instead of being forced, they consider it an honor to bang their parents and siblings, and instead of millennia of birth defects, they arrive in the modern age as muscular, leonine, yellow-orange skinned demon slayers who still live in caves because tradition.

Baseline racial traits: racial bonus to Knowledge (History) and Perform (Oratory), low-light and scent, Lantern of the Clan (two Bloodstrong touch and burst into flame, lighting the area; if they've made incestuous nookie within 24 hours, they're as bright as the sun), Need-Fire (more holy flaming, blinding non-Good Outsiders).

Alternate racial traits:

Kasha Dead-Slayer : Facial features resemble a green ape instead of a lion. Sure, why not. Any undead you slay stays perma-dead, and you can switch on jade-green flames once per day to ignore undead enemies' Armor bonuses. Replaces Lantern and Need .
Killing Flames : The holy fire's pretty much regular fire, and you set things on fire with fire damage, but demons moreso. Replaces Need .
Warrior Culture : "The Bloodstrong Man’s proud and incestous clan has adopted some of the military skill of humanity, perhaps after capturing human
warrior-maidens and making them part of the tribe." Wouldn't that be polluting the divine blood, though? Pick a feat from the Fighter's Combat list (beats me) as a racial feat. No Need .

Daughters of Kirin

Wh... hey. This was in Tales , word-for-word, except with the alternate traits. But this came first. So what was it doing in Tales , half-complete? Seriously, I'm baffled.

Baseline racial traits: Run and Endurance as bonus feats (Daughters "find almost orgasmic pleasure in pushing their bodies to the limit"), Heavenly Armor (natural armor bonus, clothes are for the weak), Touch Not The Earth (hover just above the ground, leave no trace unless by choice), Horse Sister (+2 to Ride and Handle Animal vs. equines, can speak to horses three times daily), Vegetarian (becomes Nauseated for 24 hours if they try to digest meat, or intentionally kill an Animal or Vermin "without excellent cause").

Alternate racial traits:

Baku Dream-Eater : Old Japanese explorers saw tapirs and figured they ate bad dreams for some reason; that's the baku, and he's your daddy instead of the Girafficorn. 3 + CHA mod times per day, touch a willing creature and render it immune to supernatural dream attacks, of which I assume there are several detailed elsewhere. Replaces Horse Sister .
Daughter of the Divine Bull : Born to "beautiful and strong human girls" instead of horses, with purple-and-gold armor and two bovine horns. The father is a vague sort of god something I'm guessing a bull probably. Ability modifiers dump STR at the cost of CHA, traits untouched. Why can bull-girls still talk to and ride horses like champs?
Thunderous Charge : Enemy hit by charge melee must save FORT or be deafened. Replaces Touch .
Water of the Mare : Cure the poisoned or diseased by pissing your divine urine onto them. FIIIIIIIEEEEEEEELLLLDS!! Replaces Sister .
Whinny : Once per day, "the Daughter of Kirin can unleash an eerie, horse-like whinny that shatters the impure matter of the mortal realm", casting Shatter at the 10th level. I have no idea what any of this means. Replaces Sister .

Dodoma

Culturally? Gypsy kender. No exaggeration. Physically? Androgynous features, a rainbow array of anime hair, and tiny, functioning, human eyes all across their chest, back, shoulders, arms, at the ends of their fingers, and surrounding their genitals.


^{Why is this image so much larger than the others?}

Baseline racial traits: When unarmored or lightly armored, +4 to Perception/Search checks and cannot be flanked, +1 to Disable Device/Sleight of Hand checks regardless, Thieving Instinct (old-school Elven secret door trick in no/light armor), Thieving Step (can become ethereal during a move to pass through solid matter; mentions a round limit to maintain, but not per-diem usage), Unaverted Gaze (if no/light armor, auto-fail vs. gaze attacks).

Alternate racial traits:

All-Seeing Eyes : Lowlight and darkvision, see invisible. Replaces Step .
Hitotsume-Kozo : "Cute, perky and curious, Hitotsume-Kozo are the perpetual teenagers of the Dodoma race." Like, gag me with a spoon. Eyes all over still, but only one big'un on the face. Cast Daze, Flare and Ghost Sound once a day each. Replaces Thieving Step .
Oiwa's Eye : Descended from the poisoned serving girl of Yotsuya Kaidan fame. She died with one big swollen eyeball, so you can swell yours to cast Cause Fear once a day. You're also immune to poison. Replaces Instinct .
Spirit of Disease : Immune to all diseases, even magical ones, and anyone who hangs with you for more than an hour suffers -2 on FORT saves vs. disease. Replaces Instinct .

I think this post has gotten long enough. Next time: brainy twats, rape monsters as PCs, and Belldandy! I can't wait!

More Races

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

Meh, starting again'd be too much bother.


Part 2: More Races

So! Shit-eating undead, incest-powered demon hunters, unicorn warrior women with armored vaginae, and kenders with more eyes than you can shake a stick at. At which you could shake a stick. Than. Lots, ye ken. What's next?

Futakuchi


^{Actually the good sort of creepy.}

Futakuchi (lit., "two mouths") come from Japanese folklore. Stories vary on details as to why, but the common thread is an otherwise ordinary human woman afflicted with a second, insatiably hungry mouth on the back of her neck, which feeds itself in secret using prehensile locks of hair. The jazzed-up playable versions are angels tasked with training and protecting the mortal champions of Heaven. Constant hunger clashes with a strong sense of purpose, making severity and somberness racial characteristics, giving them a disdainful view of humans' tendency for indolent self-gratification, and shaping them perfectly for acting out tsun-dere fantasies. Can pass for human with minimal care, unless they're totally nude, since their vaginae open sideways.

Baseline racial traits: Serpentine Mane as a racial bonus feat, darkvision ("when in absolute darkness, their eyes become jet black pools filled with distant stars" why not), Natural Weapons (biting with the second mouth can be tricky, but does fair damage, plus some to Outsiders and Undead), Celestial Inspiration (cast Bless 3+WIS mod per day), Celestial Modesty (-2 morale penalty on all rolls for 24 hours if a mortal man sees her eat).

Alternate racial traits:

Harbringer of Heavenly Displasure : You care less about tutoring some bumbling mortal as stomping evil yourself. Cast Divine Favor on yourself three times a day. Replaces Inspiration .
Second Mouth's Kiss : The method is self-explanatory; the effect is swapping a humanoid's sex for a few hours. Actually less of a cosmetic change than in most games, as a lot of feats, classes and abilities are gender-specific, but yeah, totally rape. Replaces Inspiration .
Scholarly Vulva : Instead of a second mouth at the top of your spine, you've got a second pussy at the base of your spine, and getting banged there makes you smarter. Replaces Weapons , and Modesty no longer applies. In more ways than one.
Vagina Denta : Yep, it's this old chestnut. Fields is the one who misspelled it, though. Slightly modifies the mechanics of Weapons , and makes it even more awkward to use. Still have to feed both mouths while eating, "a process which is exquisitely, distractingly pleasurable for the normally reserved Futakuchi".

Ironclub Oni

Hulking, monstrous, proud savage warrior types. Not fantastically original. Skin defaults to brick red, thick mane of black hair all over. Expert blacksmiths. Trained to use tetsubo (long studded clubs designed to smash armor and break bones) as soon as they're grown enough to hold one unassisted. Both genders apparently have spines on their genitals that maim or kill any other race during coitus, and can only conceive when bathed in the blood of their enemies. Okay, I guess that's new.

Baseline racial traits: +2 to any two Craft skills (except Alchemy, which is for nerds), Ironhead Tetsubo (critical hit multiplier of any manufactured bludgeoning weapon is upped by 1), Murder Zen (dealing the deathblow to any creature with an equal or greater challenge rating makes you immune to mental effects for an hour), Too Honest (make a successful Bluff check against any sentient creature, and you're Shaken for a day from the dishonor).

Alternate racial traits:

Hibagon Oni : Purple-skinned, with rotting teeth, four nostrils, and three vertically-stacked orange eyes. Carve their tetsubo into giant cocks. Has no need for food, water, or oxygen, so long as they torture, rape and murder at least one sentient, intelligent creature a day. AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WANT TO PLAY AS THIS. FIIIIIIIEEEEEEEELLLLDS!! Replaces Tetsubo .
Shojo Oni : Orange hair instead of black, generally jollier disposition, probably because they're permanently stinko. Immune to poison, no penalty for intoxication, Murder effect is replaced by guzzling a bottle of wine or its equivalent.
Stronger Than Strong : Ready to fight for right, against wrong. Enlarge Person on self once per day. Replaces Murder .
Yama-Uba : Female oni from the Frozen North, with gray-blue skin and white hair. +20% concealment in snowy or icy mountainous regions. Replaces Murder .

Kami


^{I'd wager you've seen their type around before.}

Widdle godlings. Though immortal and wise in their own way, they're not any physically stronger than most mortals, and often ignorant of and/or confused by the ways of the mundane world. That doesn't stop them from throwing themselves full-steam-ahead into every task they take on, though. Appearance is almost human, except for the individual runic markings on the forehead and hands, and the fact that they, their hair, and any loose clothing worn are constantly floating, unaffected by gravity. Infernal kami may have "cute little bat-wings", and heavenly kami angel or fairy wings, either sticking out of the shoulder blades where you'd expect, or behind their ears, which never made a lick of sense to me and frankly looks dumb as hell.

Baseline racial traits: +4 racial bonus to Fly checks, a "defining subtype" (Air, Chaos, Cold, Earth, Evil, Fire, Good, Law, Water) and another racial bonus to two skills based on this, "big, soulful eyes that give them lowlight vision", Kami's Perfection (choose one of your subtype skills, gain an extra bonus die based on your level to any check made with it).

Alternate racial traits:

Cuddly Oni : A young demon of the Black Else, "you are a little bit more good-hearted than your parents would like, focused more on mischief and the occasional punishment game rather than predation and lust-murder." Wasn't that a Far Side ? Anyway, racial bonus on Stealth and Intimidate, cast either Darkness, Ghoul Touch, or Command Undead once a day. It says it replaces the racial skills and modifies Perfection , but reads like it does the other way around?
Divine Domain : Access to "domain powers" associated with your defining subtype, whatever that means. Replaces Perfection . Come to think of it, Perfection is really all there is to replace on these guys, so I'll just skip that part.
Heavenly Beauty and Grace : Once per day, reveal your true heavenly beauty, effectively casting the spells Cat's Grace and Eagle Splendor on yourself.
Lovely Kami : "You are a kami not dedicated to good or evil, but to love, lust and the joyous, wet moment of orgasm." Ohhhh boy. Gifts of Ecstasy as a racial bonus feat, Perfection applies to Perform (Sexual) checks, and any creature whom you willingly fuck gets either +1 to all saving throws or +3 to a specific saving throw for an hour.
Warrior of Heaven : Exactly what it sounds like. Automatic proficiency with all simple and martial weapons, shields, and light to medium armor. Perfection -style bonus dice to attack rolls made with anything for which you have a Weapon Focus feat.

Three seems like a nice round number. Next time: underage sex berries, floating livers, and grumpy old animal fuckers! I can't wait!

Well, "Races" IS In The Name...

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

Part 3: Well, "Races" IS In The Name...

Kijimunna


^{Not only is this rather good, it's totally removed from the actual race description, except for the leaves.}

A race of arboreal Peter Pans, grandchildren of the Great Universal Tree, with an irresponsible, hedonistic nature resultant of having no in-born concept of linear continuity. Physically resembling adolescent human children with "faint, pre-teen ghosts of pubic hair, [...] woven from strands of long, soft grass" (guess that bit from the core book about lolicon being the exclusive purview of villains has gone to shit, surprise surprise), they can remain ageless for centuries, only beginning the long road to adulthood when they first experience self-doubt, hate, or anger. Clothed in leaves and vines if at all, and females are specified as being osmotically fertile.

Baseline racial traits: can burrow through loose earth, sand or mud at 1/3 speed, Plant Traits (immune to sleep, paralysis, stunning, critical hits, or massive damage; cannot drown, do not need to eat, but require twice as much water to survive), +4 to Stealth in natural terrain, Nimble Moves as a bonus feat, lowlight and darkvision, Earth Child (+2 to Combat Maneuver Defense while in contact with soil), Ripened (produce berries from the vines on their body which count as a full meal and heal 1 HP when eaten; having them plucked counts as a sexual act for the purpose of sex-magic feats), Death By Metal (Allergic to metal, plastic, and other such modern-day materials. Double armor check penalty if worn, DC 18 FORT save vs. dying with 6D6 damage on success if sexually penetrated with it. Elder kijimunna actually use this as a preferred suicide method. FIIIIIIIEEEEEEEELLLLDS!! )

Alternate racial traits:

Nightshade : Mushrooms instead of berries, +2 STR for CON hours instead of HP. Still sexy! Replaces Ripened .
Spirit of Wood : No damage from wooden weapons. Replaces Child .
Sustaining Rice : Rice instead of mushrooms instead of berries. No benefit other than making you less hungry, but is can be produced at will, fully cooked, "in a variety of styles", and in virtually unlimited amounts. Still sexy! Replaces Ripened .

Kitsune

Foxes who survive fifty years turn into humanoid fey tricksters. You get the idea. They have to hide their tails (one for each century, up to nine) under long kimonos or dresses, but their facial tattoos and foxy ears only show up in a mirror.

Baseline racial traits: +2 racial bonus to Bluff, +4 to Climb and can use the higher of STR or DEX as a modifier, lowlight vision, Four Footed Trickster (can shapeshift from fox to human and back at will, but must make a Bluff check if anyone's watching), Foxy Disguise (cast Alter Self once per day per five character levels), Liver of Immortality (consuming a kitsune's liver grants immortality, and a dying kitsune can will it to rise from their body and seek out a specific beneficiary).

Alternate racial traits:

Amagitsune : Divinely sanctioned foe of oni-kind. Three times per day, force a non-good Outsider within 30 feet to reroll any D20 check and take the worse result. Racial type changes from Fey to Outsider, and replaces Disguise .
Emptiness Fox : Servant of the Void Element, source of all wisdom. Once per day, channel the Void and cast Invisibility and Fox's Cunning on yourself as a full round action. Replaces Disguise and racial skills.
Hainu Kitsune : "Your foxy blood is somehow mystically mingled with the spirit of a long ago white dog, who flew like a sparrow and fought like an eagle"... Krypto?! Gain a flight speed of 40 feet, and +2 racial bonus to Fly checks. Replaces Trickster .

Koropokkuru

Dour, kvetching, staunchly traditional earth spirits, like tiny wrinkled old men with coal-black skin but hair "as colorful as a peacock's plume". They keep and train animals like classic Rangers, but unlike them, have no bestiality taboo; in fact, the basic family unit is comprised of a husband, a wife, and one companion animal for each. Closely associated with the Daughters of Kirin , who are singled out as one of the few things in the universe that can make a koropokkuru smile.

Baseline racial traits: can count as either Humanoid or Animal (whichever is most favorable at any given time), Hit Die, skill ranks and some other unimportant number junk is similarly split between the two types, +4 racial bonus to Survival, Ride, and Handle Animal checks, lowlight vision, Ancient Wisdom of the Forest (substitute Survival for Knowledge while in "favored terrain"), Half an Animal (sex with beasts counts as sex with sentient for feat/magic purposes, and can tantrically uplift a beloved animal to true sentience once per season), Beloved Beast (animal companion always has the maximum possible Hit Points for its type).

Alternate racial traits:

Abura-Sumashi : Even uglier than normal, with skin like rock and a head like a potato. STR boost with a CHA penalty, +2 natural armor bonus, and can squeeze a flask of lamp oil from any rock. Replaces Wisdom .
Azuki-Arai : "You are a surprisingly jolly little man, always singing cheerful songs of rape and cannibalism, but despite the morbid tunes you sing, you are mostly harmless." No CHA penalty, may cast Cause Fear, Lullaby, or Open/Close as a same-level Bard once per day. Replaces racial skills.
Kumo : Half spider. Racial types are Humanoid and Vermin, Climb speed of 30 feet. Doesn't outright mention the bestiality but oh god

Next time: huge hairy ball sacks, miscarriage zombies, and Fields shits all over the traditional race choices! I can't wait!

Alternates for everybody!

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

Aw, no disciplinary knives? What a gyp.


Part 4: Alternates For Everybody!

Tanuki


^{Heh. Yeah, not really.}

Tanuki are vulgar, fun-loving, shapeshifting jesters with comically huge testicles that they can blow up like balloons and play like drums. And that's just in the original folklore. Really, Fields didn't have to do much to fit these guys in. Except for some bizarre reason, he saw fit to include the option of female tanuki, who also have enormous gonads "hanging like bizarre tumors from their swollen labia". Oh, and there's a trick to breaking their illusions that I don't recall hearing before: coins tarnish and paper money wilts in their presence, so pressing either against their skin will quickly show their true colors. As a bonus, this also explains why they're constantly running out on bar tabs.

Baseline racial traits: racial bonus to Stealth and one free rank in Perform (Comedy) for every rank of any other Perform skill, Tanuki Tracks (transform into an ordinary raccoon-dog and back at will, triggers involuntarily if splashed with a full jug of sake), Tanuki's Testicles (those drums I mentioned can be used once a day to induce fear in opponents, also you can heft your scrotum over your shoulder and turn it into a "Handy Haversack" for one hour).

Alternate racial traits:

Mujina : Ha ha your balls are soooo tiny! In exchange for being the laughingstock of the tanuki world, you get to change into a couple of different animals, and your movement speed and DEX score aren't nearly as impaired. Replaces Testicles .
Tanuki's Purse : Once per day, you can take a pile of sticks and rocks from your scrotal purse ("Why it carries rocks and twigs in its scrotum is a mystery best left to the ages.") and Bluff it into a pile of coins for 1D4 days. Replaces Testicles .

Ubume

The ghosts of women who died in childbirth, the Ubume of the Tatakama blame themselves for having been too weak and have willingly rejected reincarnation, wandering the world with the soul of their dead child in their arms in the distant hope of finding some way to bring it to life. Strikes me as more of a pre-packaged character concept than a viable race, but whatever. It's not like "consistent world-building" has been high on my list of expectations here.

Baseline racial traits: slow movement speed due to pregnant waddling, darkvision, racial bonus to Diplomacy checks against children or childlike undead (coming soon!), Burdened Womb (carrying your child leaves you with only one free hand, or you can absorb it into your womb, but take a penalty to WILL saves), Dust of Guilt (summon a chilling wind to blow detritus from your child's corpse into a tornado of despair, shaking up anything that fails its WILL save; women are at -2 to this save, and if they've had a miscarriage or undergone an abortion themselves, they're shaken even on a success and rendered absolutely helpless on a failure), Motherhood and Rebirth (an instinctive ritual that can only be performed after "decades of unlife", the Ubume passes her dead baby to a willing, living, sentient female who either makes three increasingly difficult STR checks and brings both mother and child back to life, or fails any one of them and dies without hope of resurrection).

Alternate racial traits:

Compassionate Motherhood : Divine midwives. Cast Stabilize three times a day and a racial bonus to Treat Injury checks. Also, casting Stabilize on a pregnant female ensures a healthy, pain-free pregnancy. Also also, once per level, you can touch a pregnant woman or infant to give the child a permanent bonus to CON and any other one ability score. Replaces Dust .
Envious Motherhood : Predatory instead of penitent. Inflict an additional damage die against pregnant females, and automatic maximum damage against children. Cause miscarriages with critical hits. Shouldn't this be a monster or something? Replaces Rebirth .
Ubume-Chan : Hoo boy. So, here we have an Ubume who died so young that she doesn't fully understand the tragedy of her situation and treats her dead child as a playmate rather than a self-imposed onus. The book says this is "cute and disturbing in equal measure", but I have my doubts. The dead baby counts as a sorcerer's familiar, and can be set down on the ground to walk under its own power. This sets your Initiative score to 0, though, since all your attention is diverted, but you also get the Alertness feat which probably does something neat. Replaces Womb .

That's all there is for Tokyo originals, but wait! Surely, I hear you say, such a vibrant and varied world as the Tatakama has its own unique twists on the more traditional races! Well, aren't you the bright one!

Alternate Traits for Core Races

Blood Immortal (Humans, Half-Orcs, Elves): You can't die. At all. Ever. A sidebar freely acknowledges that this completely breaks any game where it's allowed to exist, but is included for anyone who wants to play Manji from Blade of the Immortal or Tokyo Red Hood from first level. No mention of why anyone who'd play such a character would want die rolls or any rules at all getting in their way.
Chochinobake (Dwarves, Gnomes): Walking paper lanterns. All you can really do is shed light. Dumb as hell.
Elven Cruelty (Elves, Half-Elves): Bank your race's reputation for sadism and depravity for a hefty bonus to Intimidate non-Elves, and deal an extra damage die against helpless or unaware opponents. Flavor text points out for no reason at all that Elven women are even worse than the men. Man, just this one post is making Robert Jordan look like Gloria Steinem.
Forest Fairy Patrol! (Elves, Half-Elves, Gnomes, Halflings): Non-magical animals frequently come to you for help resolving mundane concerns. If you successfully aid the animal, you get an XP bonus; if you solve the problem and bang the animal and/or any issue-related animal spirit/forest-dwelling fey/ cosplayer in the process, you get a double bonus! FIIIIIIIEEEEEEEELLLLDS!!
Hannyo (Humans): You're half-spirit, and have some sort of animalistic physical deformity, such as talons instead of feet or a tail. But you also get super-smelling powers and a racial bonus to Handle Animal.
Kintaro Dwarf (Dwarves): Gain the Kintaro feat as a racial bonus. Yep.
Little Pet (Halflings, Gnomes): Specially bred kemonomimi midget sex-pets who wandered in from the Cthulhutech set next door. Whenever you gain a level, roll a die for a CHA bonus and a random effect (+2 Combat Maneuver Bonus from being hug-happy, bonus move speed and REF from being all lithe and shit, or Alertness from your cute little animal ears).
Prowess of Steel (Dwarves, Humans, Half-Elves, Half-Orcs, males only): Super-samurai! Racial bonus to attack rolls with two-handed swords, and also to Perform or Profession (Sexual) checks, because
Setotaisho (Dwarves): You're actually a golem who formed itself from broken earthenware and was raised by a dwarven family. Huh?
Umi-Nyobou (Humans, females only): Want to play as Princess Ruto from Ocarina of Time ? Here ya go.
Yama-Oroshi (Goblin, Gnome, Halfing): A radish grater that achieved sentience and grew a body.

The next thing is a bunch of templates for the various castes inherent to feudal Japanese life, which looks boring so I'm gonna skip 'em. Next time: sacred bodily fluids, "retard strength", and see-through vulvae! I can't wait!

Talents for the Talentless

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

Part 5: Talents for the Talentless

For those who came in late: Talents are like highly specialized mini-Feats that you can only take at character creation to supplement your character concept. I, uh, can't think of anything else to say about them, so...

Angelic Little Loli (female only, Young Adult or younger) : Bonus to all Saves made against the "hostile intentions" of evil creatures. This benefit is temporarily lost "if you engage in consensual penetrative sex, though you can engage in masturbation, oral or fetish acts with a lover". FIIIIIIIEEEEEEEELLLLDS!! (Wow, that one came early.)

Bara (male only, Adult or older) : Hyper-virile gay man. Add CON to Bluff/Diplomacy vs. other men.

Bishonen/Bishoujo : Well, Japan does love its androgynes. Pretty much a fixed bonus version of Bara.

Body Sheath : An apparently natural pocket that you can only use for hiding weapons for some reason. Wouldn't be notable, except it's described as "like a warrior’s vulva ready to accept your blade". Stay classy, Fields.

Broken Doll : You look your best when you're beaten. CHA bonus while at half HP or less.

Carnal Inspiration : Sleep with someone beautiful enough, get a bonus to Conjuration/Enchantment spells.

Demon Hunter's Semen (male only) : Glowing jizz that grants a temporary bonus vs. Outsiders when "accepted into the body".

Dimwitted But Mighty (at least -1 INT/WIS modifier) : FATAL flashbacks, woo! Add your INT/WIS penalty to your STR. The dumber you are, the stronger you get!

Ecchi Adventurer : Pick a fetish. Indulge in that fetish, and get an XP bonus for one hour afterwards.

Exorcist's Tongue : Communicate with any incorporeal Undead. Not at all what you were expecting, was it?

Fertile Skin (female only) : Get pregnant just from touching semen.

Gooey Lubrication : Your sexual fluids can be used as sovereign glue . Potentially quite embarrassing.

Holy Milk (female only) : Constantly lactating, functions as holy water.

Incestuous Siblings : You don't just share a bed, you share Save scores! Can be selected multiple times for multiple siblings!

Magic Maid Service : Summon a swarm of "semi-real" pixie maids to make out with each other at will. Can be used to stun a target, but I'm willing to bet nobody who takes this remembers to try.

Megane-Ko (female only) : The old "sexy librarian" trick. Use INT modifier instead of CHA for Bluff/Diplomacy.

Necro-Freak : Exactly what you think.

Never Ending Hymen (female only) : Also exactly what you think.

Omorashi : Rules for having a tiny, tiny bladder.

Phallic Tongue : Yep.

Piss Connoisseur : Conjure a perfect mental image or determine a woman's next menstrual cycle by well you get the idea.

Possessor's Mark : Permanently brand a creature with a glowing rune during sex. Doesn't do anything, really, it's just sort of there.

Play Pregnancy (female or Bishonen only) : Perfectly mimic pregnancy, swollen breasts and everything. And yes, this can be taken by androgynous men as well. Probably. As I understand it, you're only supposed to have one Talent, and Bishonen is another Talent, so...

Pleasure Tattoos : The magic of your ink heals anyone you fuck. Sure, why not.

Pretty Meat Pussy (female only) : You can turn the skin over your genitals transparent at will for a sexually-oriented Bluff/Diplomacy bonus vs. cannibalistic creatures.

Sexy Little Witch : Prepare two extra spells a day if you get your rocks off first.

Storm Piss : Urinate into a body of water, and it becomes choppy and storm-tossed.

Swinging Testicles (male only, Tanuki exempt) : You have to carry your balls like a duffel bag. Bonus to Perform (Comedy) and CHA-based checks against Tanuki.

Teasing Little Loli (female only, Young Adult or younger) : Bonus to Bluff vs. Adults. Bigger bonus the older they are, plus more if their last name is the same as their first name. Okay, I made that last part up.

Tsundere (female only) : Deal an additional point of damage on melee attacks against anyone with a romantic or sexual interest in you.

Getting tired, so keeping it short for now. Next time: magic made of shit, wings made of blood, and the secret to immortality! I can't wait!

More Great Band Names

posted by Bitchtits McGee Original SA post

Part 6: More Great Band Names

Birthright Feats

Like more elaborate Talents or less elaborate Races, Birthright Feats supposedly represent a character's heritage, but only maybe two make any sense in that context. Anyway, they're only selectable at first level, except for one which you can get under very particular circumstances.

Bishonen/Bishoujo Hermaphadite (Prereq: Bishonen/Bishoujo starting talent) : Fields misspelled it, not me. Anyway, yeah, you're both Glen and Glenda in one androgynously attractive package, and can take sexually-oriented feats or skills or what-have-you from either side, though usage depends on if your body currently has the plumbing to make whatever-it-is it work. See, unlike true "hermaphadites", you can only have one set of gonads at a time; switching just requires a full round of concentration, but is otherwise at-will. Unless you're pregnant. Because that can happen. Of course.

Ghost Lover (Prereq: WIS 15+, Exorcist's Tongue starting talent) : Exactly what it sounds like. The ghost can materialize freely if all it has to do is speak or otherwise 'interact' with you, or you can do what's called a Significant Summoning, which is limited in frequency and duration by your WIS score. With a SigSum, the ghost appears fully-bodied and solid in an empty space nearby, a perfect stat-block copy, right down to all of your current gear as well as access to all skills, abilities, and prepared spells. The drawbacks are that only one of you can make an attack action per round, the skills etc. are a shared pool between you, as are any limited-use items like potions or ammo, and the ghost only has 1 HP and creates an empathic backlash that leaves you shaken when it's hit. Still, another not-wholly-awful idea, and aside from the word "Lover" in the name and the one reference to at-will nookie, practically creep-free. Imagine that, eh?

Heikegani (Prereq: Human, Samurai or higher caste) : Your ancestors died in a huge battle by the sea and were eaten by crabs, so now you're born with a crab shell around your body and the ability to coat weapons in coral.

Kintaro (Prereq: ???) : Based on the Japanese folkloric hero , the book doesn't get much further than what you can read in the Wiki article before getting cut off. The Kintaro entry ends on page 71 with a complete physical description (ruddy complexion, glowing kin kanji above their genitals), then picks up on page 72 mid-sentence describing what sort of information you can get from talking to objects. So there's at least a full page of these things missing. Good show.

Perverted Immortality (Prereq: Middle Aged or older) : It's the direct-to-video porn version of The Picture of Dorian Grey : you're ageless, with no stat penalties (but keeping the bonus to WIS), so long as you engage in "incredibly kinky sex" with a virgin of at least Adult age once a month. Miss a month, though, and all those missed penalties for age come crashing down on you at once, and stay there until you catch up. Aside from that, bonus to Knowledge (History) cumulative for each century lived blah blah who cares you're an ever-living virgin hunter what else do you want. This feat is also one of the possible rewards from the Ecchi starting talent for successfully shtupping at least one member of each racial type.

Feats

Awwww here we go son.

Black Fatherhood (male only, Wombscrape) : You can communicate with your unborn spawn, making them temporarily take control of their host mother. Then, at birth, you can either force the mother to make a FORT save or die, or make a WILL save or be permanently brainwashed to your alignment. Totally. Playable. Option.

Bodymeld : Absorb your willing lover, forming a giant, "hermaphaditic", composite being. The accompanying artwork is rather terrifying.

Bodywalk : Transform yourself into a wave of gore, rush in through the various orifices of a nearby target, then burst out violently from another victim which shares at least one physical trait (race, gender, or ethnicity) with the initial target. Specified as "one of the most fearsome hentai no judo abilities", another one of those ignorant misuses of foreign terminology that even a rudimentary education can tear apart like tissue paper.

Caress of Soiled Cloth : By jacking off into a piece of recently-worn clothing, you can activate one sexual feat or ability as if you just had actual sex with the owner.

Cocoon of Filth : Shit yourself, and form it into fire-resistant full-body armor. Washes away with water damage.

Cum Flux Flood : Form semen "accepted into your body" into a simple-minded jizz demon.

Dark Lover's Carapace : Cockroach-like demonic armor bursts from your skin. Gets harder based on the number of sexual encounters you've had within the last day.

Drippings of Stone : Medusa's sex gunge.

Enema Alchemist :

Grave Between the Legs : "Your hate, fear and self loathing is focused inward, transforming your body into a poisonous, diseased wasteland: you have made your sexuality a weapon of mass destruction, usually in response to violation and atrocity." Oooookaaaaaaaaay. Moving on. Very slowly. So as to not provoke a reaction.

Genderqueer : Requires the Hermaphadite feat. You radiate "an unsettling sensual aura" which shorts out single-gender abilities. Take that, fas- cis -ts.

Gift of Innocence : Pop a willing virgin's cherry, and gain a spiritual bond with them. Sense relative distance, direction, and general well-being while on the same plane, extend personal-range spells by touch, and maximize any healing effects between you.

Hungerblood : When damaged with slashing or piercing weapons, your blood lashes out from the wound to coil around your enemies' weapons, giving a CMB bonus. Alternately, you can suffer temporary CON damage to form a masterwork whip from your own blood.

Innocence Restored : Instantly wipe away the physical and psychological effects of a rape through consensual sex. Demonic pregnancies must make a DC 28 FORT save, but otherwise, even hymens grow back with no muss or fuss.

Lemon-Pink Hospital : Your fluids heal.

Lemon-Pink Metamorph : Other people's fluids change your shape.

Lethal Jealousy : Remember Possessor's Mark? Now it does something. Specifically, it makes the marked shoot fiery acid from their genitals if they have sex with anyone other than you.

Lusty Blades : Enchant a single slashing or piercing weapon by masturbating with the hilt. Now, it doesn't specify female characters only, so I guess if you can figure out a way for it to work otherwise...

Menstrual Wings (female only, Moon Wise) : Enormous bat wings made of blood burst from your back. Flight speed is enhanced if the moon is full.

Moon Wise (female only) : Your period blood grants a healing factor, and you gain low-light vision because nature nonsense.

Mother to Demons (female only) : Summon demonic monsters to defend you by literally birthing them.

Nudie Cutie : Transform all armor and clothing worn into a single piece of headgear, and gain their full advantages while in the buff. The accompanying artwork is rather good. No, really!

Painted With Seed : You gain a temporary bonus from having semen ejaculated on you, but the bonus is different depending on which body part it hits. There's a list, but eh, this post is long enough.

Phallic Spear Technique (male only) : "A hateful thought, and your penis bursts through your clothes, your very masculinity transformed into a dangerous edged weapon." Your dick is now a reach weapon, length 10 ft. per CON mod, 1d8 damage and 19-20 crit. However, it's also a viable target, with Hardness equal to your WIS and HP equal to your CON; if it's 'defeated', you lose the benefit of this feat for 48 hours and begin bleeding out severely.

Pink Zone : Porno situations break out spontaneously around you, much like how a musical protagonist generates choreography by walking down the street.

Playful Little Loli : With roughly a minute of concentration, you can voluntarily take temporary INT damage (gaining DR 1/magic per point lost) and designate any one sentient creature as your "mommy or daddy", substituting your save bonuses for theirs "as you draw comfort from their presence". FIIIIIIIEEEEEEEELLLLDS!!

Poison the Bowels : Make a ranged touch attack. If successful, you take control of the target's dormant feces, Nauseating them until they try to take a dump, at which point their intestines EXPLODE for massive physical damage and a save vs. permanent CON damage.

Rapist's Camaraderie (male only) : Cumulative attack, damage, and grapple bonus while in the presence of one or more sentient males who have raped or seriously injured a sentient female within the last 24 hours.

Rebuilt by Lust (Battered Doll talent) : "Your bruised, broken and horribly scarred body is repaired and reenergized through sexual contact. Though it hurts you terribly, you know accepting a man into your damaged body is for the best." I can add nothing to that.

Scatological Armory : Share your Cocoon of Filth with nearby allies. Gee, thanks.

Shit Rider : Basically Cum Flux Flood , only with dookie and an enema made of "strange oils".

Super Kawaii : Add CHA mod to AC by virtue of being "too adorable to kill".

Tentacled Myriad : Yep, tentacles. The flavor text for this one is substantially longer than the effect text.

Unbirth (requires Vaginal Prison) : You can voluntarily take temporary CON damage to force a WILL save on your victim. Success means permanent CON damage for them; failure means they regress an entire age category, with anyone breaking past Child dying instantly.

Vaginal Prison (female only) : "You can transform your vagina into a strange Tessarect, a fold in space and time." Make a second grapple check against an already grappled opponent, and your pussy swallows them whole, shunting them into another dimension within your body. Victims suffer acidic and bludgeoning damage each round, and can only escape by teleportation or dimensonal travel magic, or by making a WILL save against your WIS mod. You can squirt them or their equipment out at will, which is handy since you take quite a lot of damage if they manage to make that save.

Veins Full of Cum (requires Painted With Seed or Rebuilt By Lust) : Your heart pumps life-giving manjuice instead of blood. Your body enters a regenerative coma at least 4 hours after being slain, regaining 1 HP per hour plus 1 for each male who ejaculates on your corpse. Not as game-breaking as Blood Immortal, since any fire or acid damage during the coma interrupts and negates it, and each successful attempt has an increasingly difficult FORT save vs. permanent INT loss to brain damage.

Wards of Filth : Make a circle of protection against evil out of your bodily wastes.

Womanly Suffocation (female only) : Make your breast flesh flow like wax, crushing a grappled opponent.

Wombscrape (requires Phallic Spear) : Any fertile female wounded by your guisarme-vulgar must make a FORT save vs. pregnancy or miscarriage. Once per day, you can squeeze out a cone of acidic semen which has the same effect, plus damage to males within range.

That's it for Races . Next time: back to Tales of the Tatakama for some world-building lore! I can't wait!