This RPG is pretty gross.


posted by AmiYumi Original SA post

Hey, you know what this thread hasn't had in a while?

Apologies to Ettin, hope you don't mind

The game line seems to be in a rough place at the moment; the last plot book was PoD-only, everything else is getting delay after delay. Lo and behold, a "book" came out earlier this year! ...with such little fanfare I actually had no idea it was released until weeks later, when someone idly referenced it in a question! ...also it's 16 pages, 4 of which are blank! Let's take a look at: Cthulhutech: Racial Insecurity [Fetch]

Spoiler warning: I kind of like it, despite my best efforts.

So, after the cover (which is the same Fetch picture as the core book but flipped for some reason), the "book" opens with the Cthulhutech standard short fiction. This one is "Bean Corp" , a bit about a Tager pack (and their Fetch companion) stumbling into - ugh - a cult of Horned Ones. You know, the furry rapemonster things from Damnation View ? Everything goes to hell when the Fetch decides to derail the Cthulhutech Rapemonster Railroad Experience™ (which is described in-text as "a furry's wet dream") by grabbing a can off a shelf and yelling "I HAVE THE BEANS!" It comes off as an edited transcript of an actual session, because that "breaks the spell" on the rest of the party as they start laughing and making similar declarations of "bring me the beans!" and "impart unto her the beans!" as the storyteller cult leader fumes and yells at everyone for being idiots and ruining everything. Anyway, it does a pretty good job of letting you know that adding a Fetch to your game will turn your Cthulhutech sessions into monkeycheese bullshit instead of , which works for me.

Next time: the six pages of actual content!


posted by AmiYumi Original SA post

Ettin posted:

Sure, I'm still picking up the series when I have some free time though!
Gasp! Senpai noticed me! Guess that means I should get back to

Racial Insecurity [Fetch] : Part II: The Entire Rest of the "Book"

First things first: There's no "If you downloaded this book..." sidebar!

Okay, starting off for real. After the intro fiction, we get a page and change of fluff about what a Fetch is; the money quotes are "like pet monkeys" and "like a permanent five-year old". Superior Fetches, which I forgot existed until now, are instead "like a [sic] permanent teenagers, with the mood swings and cruelty that often go with those years."

The physiology section is where things get interesting:

Fetch Physiology posted:

While they may identify as "he" or "she", they don't actually have the sexual characteristics to support either ... as such, they cannot be influenced in any manner that requires sexuality. This includes the seduction abilities of any creature, whether they be magical or not.
OH HELL YES playing as a Fetch comes with an inherent "get out of the ST's creepy wank fantasies free" card? Sign me up!

The "book" goes on to reiterate that Fetches are pretty much little humaniform balls of otherworldly energy, so of course they can't be Tagers/Engel pilots/para-psychics/anything else that would ruin our precious canon. Instead, it suggests that Fetch PCs pursue that great path to power in Cthulhutech that is Sorcery. Then it points out the "Fetch sorcerers may enjoy the ability to summon more of their own kind" and oh boy I don't see that going anywhere other than the ST flipping a table and storming off.

Anyway. Rules! It recommends Fetch PCs be restricted to Arcane Underground or Eldritch Society games, because of course a tiny magical gremlin is balanced alongside a Guyver suit. You are also told to decide if your Fetch is bound to a particular sorcerer or not - of course, being Unbound is presented a page later as an Asset you have to spend points on during character creation, but why bother with those details here?

Playing a Fetch is both a racial template and an Asset; you can either take standard Fetch for 1 point or go Superior Fetch for 2 points. What does paying the same price as being double-joined or being friends with a couple mid-level bureaucrats get you? Well, that varies by subtype.

Regular Fetches posted:

Fanged Dwarf: +1 Agility, +1 Strength, Nightvision, Thermal Vision, 3x Climbing Speed
Carnivorous Amphibian: +2 Agility, -1 Strength, Acute Vision, Nightvision, 2x Swim Speed, Amphibious (duh)
Flying Imp: +2 Agility, -1 Strength, Acute Vision, Nightvision, 2x Flying Speed

Superior Fetches posted:

Vicious Gremlin: +2 Strength, +1 Perception, +1 Tenacity, Acute Smell/Taste, Nightvision, Thermal Vision, 3x Climb Speed
Amphibious Monster: +2 Agility, +1 Tenacity, Acute Hearing, Nightvision, Sonar, 2x Swim Speed, Amphibious
Gargoyle-Like: +2 Agility, +1 Tenacity, Acute Vision, Nightvision, 2x Flying Speed
A reminder: every one of those "special senses" is normally a 2-point Asset, except Nightvision (which is 3). Latent Psychic Ability - which as a reminder does absolutely nothing - is a 4-point Asset. Game balance!

Fetches have a big ol' list of Assets and Drawbacks they aren't allowed to take, and Alluring/Sexy Voice only apply to other Fetches (despite them being asexual and immune to seduction ).

And, just because, Fetches also get a free point in the Occult skill and can bump it to 4 during chargen (Superior Fetches get 2 points and can bump to 5), 4 free ranks in R'lyehan, 4 free ranks in Tsath-yo, and 4 free ranks in four other languages. Also free natural weapons of pointy teeth (+0/+1) and claws (-1/+0), double Orgone/Ruach (just like having a bad case of tentacle cock ), and Fear Factor 12.

Game balance!

Next up is the Asset section, most of which I've covered already. The only one left is the 4-point "Re-Summonable" Asset; if you take this, it means that you've taught the rest of the party and/or some other sorcerers the specific parts to add to the "Summon Fetch" ritual to bring you back from the outer realms if you get killed in the Real World. So, for 4 points - the same as being a basic Tager or Latent Para-Psychic - your character is a literally immortal magical gremlin. Again, sign me the fuck up.

Now, at this point I was starting to wonder: if Fetch PCs are supposed to be a thing, how are they expected to get through all the NEG checkpoints and vital scans and such? I mean, they're otherworldly monsters summoned by illegal magic, their very existence is illegal. Maybe that's why the "book" has been pushing Fetches toward sorcery - they'll have some kind of disguise spell, or artifact?

Hahaha NOPE .

Playing Fetches posted:

One of the most important parts of playing a fetch is figuring out how to disguise yourself, so that you can maneuver in "polite society."

Playing Fetches posted:

Learning to say, "That's my dad, right over there," can work wonders when hidden in the folds of a hoodie.

Speaking of, hoodies and baseball caps are a fetches' best friends. They cover and conceal, giving people the opportunity to pretend that all they're seeing are kids or teenagers.
Aaaand now I have the image of some Sableye -looking motherfucker in a trenchcoat and a fedora acting as party Face. I might have to stat that up.

And...that's it. The rest of the "book" is just two pages of example stat-blocks (which I'm pretty sure are reprinted from the Core and Vade Mecum ), followed by an ad and four pages of blank white. Definitely glad I paid extra for PoD!