Rifts World Book 2: Atlantis by Alien Rope Burn

My goal was to create an Atlantis that was more exciting than the ancient legends, something both beautiful and frightening.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

Warning? Oh no! I'm not ready!


No, man! We killed you man, this can't be! We killed you!


It may be inappropriate for any readers.


Oh nooooo-


We killed you! You were dead! We saw the body!


You can't be back! You can't! You-

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 1: "My goal was to create an Atlantis that was more exciting than the ancient legends, something both beautiful and frightening."

Yeah, screw you, ancient legends, hit the road! Rifts® is back in town, and it's gonna do what you did, only Megaversally!

Anyway, let's start with that cover. It's the return of Keith Parkinson! We haven't seen him since the core.

There's a guy dragging around a slave woman (or maybe this is just how guides in Atlantis wrangle tourists) and there is a hobo, and... an ogre with a penis on a stick, and... cheesecake in the background.



What?

It's a penis on a stick!

occamsnailfile: Hey, it might be a seeing-eye stick-penis. In fact it probably is.


_{And here is a... I... I got nothin'.}

There's an advert for a 1993 Rifts Calendar and t-shirts inside. It directs you to order them from their offices in Detroit, MI. Except in teeny tiny print at the bottom of the page it then says their new address is in Taylor, MI. MIGHT WANT TO CORRECT THAT IN BIGGER PRINT NEXT TIME.


_{Hey, uh, I'm a Triax cyborg, and... uh, you know I'm not in this book, right? Hello?}

Atlantis Reborn

Kevin had an easy time writing this, but time vampires came and made it late. Damn time vampires. It was supposed to be out in May, but is out in September.

Four months late?! Kevin, that's not late, that's a Palladium Books® speed record!

Anyway he thinks the book is super good and hopes you think it's super good too. Then...

A note about the contents

Uh-oh.











You can't play a Splugorth Slaver until you're six, Billy.

Next: Errrrriiinnnn Tarrrrrnnnnn tells us all about Atlantis! Except she don't know shit, but you know... tradition...?

_{Let's cover what isn't in this book: graphic depictions of gore, swearing, nudity, or sex. It does have slavery. Lots of slavery. You will be up to your eyeballs in slavery.}

Live fish about the size of a man's hand fall out of the sky (if frogs, they are dead).

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

Erin Tarn is no Three Dog, tragically.

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 2: "Live fish about the size of a man's hand fall out of the sky (if frogs, they are dead)."



_{I'm putting in this map to mention Atlantis' location is based on Edgar Cayce .}

Rifts Atlantis
through the eyes of Erin Tarn
Excerpts from her book:
Traversing Our Modern World (circa 100 PA)

Disclaimer begins.

Erin Tarn has never fucking seen Atlantis, how could we see it through her eyes?

Disclaimer ends.

Anyway, Erin has heard a bunch of goddamn stories about Atlantis, but she doesn't know what's true or what's not. But she's going to keep writing anyway!

What she does think to be true is that Atlantis returned from a "dimensional limbo", which caused the ocean levels to rise and devastate the coastlines. Some people believe in Atlantis! Some people still don't.

Anyway, by the time humans figured out there was a continent there, the Splugorth had already set up shop, whatever they are. Also, the Bermuda Triangle (aka the "Demon Sea") is apparently a big dimensional fuckup zone that makes travel to Atlantis either lengthy or very dangerous.

It turns out Atlantis it vanished 6,000 to 10,000 years before the Rifts! The legends say it was utopian special place of amazement, but then the ocean ate it and people forgot about it. But it's back! It might be a sliver from another dimension. She doesn't know!

Also, Victor Lazlo wrote about the Bermuda Triangle. That means it's legit magic, folks! Legitimately dangerous , most likely, given the tendency for people who follow his bumbling clues to fall into a rift.

Just like Victor Lazlo.

So, Erin Tarn gives us some facts!

• Erin Tarn is a tool-
  

Wait, wait, let's start that over.

• The Splugorth rule Atlantis. (True.)
  
• The Splugorth know magic and bio-wizardry (True.)
  
• The Splugorth are traders and slavers (True.)
  
• The Splugorth are racist against humans (True.)
  
• The Splugorth change humans using magic tattoos and biotech (True.)
  
• The Splugorth raid the world for slaves (True.)
  
• The Splugorth's minions respect and fear dragons, but don't ally with them (Partially False.)
  
• The Splugorth control the ley lines with magic rocks (True.)
  
• The Splugorth are a race of supernatural intelligences (Eyetwitch.)
  

She also gives us rumors!

• A single Splugorth controls Atlantis (True.), or six to a dozen Splugorth control Atlantis (False.)
  
• The Splugorth have conquered a hundred worlds (True.)
  
• Atlantis is a haven for vampires (False.)
  
• There are a hundred or more dimensional portals (True.)
  
• A hundred different alien species inhabit Atlantis (True.)
  
• Blah blah lots of monsters (True, she's dead-on every species.)
  
• The cult of Dragonwright - dragon worshipers - has its roots here (Partially False.)
  
• The Splugorth supplies european gargoyles with weapons (True.)
  
• The Splugorth have a second kingdom in China (False.)
  
• The Splugorth don't go to Africa (True.)
  
• Mrrlyn of Camelot is a Splugorth (False.)
  
• Stonehenge and the pyramids were built by Atlanteans (False.)
  
• Descendants of Atlantis have come back to reclaim it (True.)
  

Ol' Erin is worried the Splugorth are invading, but the Coalition and the New German Republic are too afraid of Atlantis so far to do anything about it. She worries about a future war, though. She worries a lot.

And the Splugorth minions generally run around slaving, torturing, or murdering humanoids. Apparently this is what a society does when they haven't discovered jazz, sitcoms, or masturbation.

The Demon Sea
The Bermuda Triangle



_{Yo! I ain't in this book! I was in World Book One! Scram!}

Anyway, the Bermuda Triangle is apparently a big triangle of ley lines that causes a huge pocket of "dimensional flux", whatever the hell that is. I can make up meaningless names for arbitrary magical effects, too! I call them "worldfarts". Apparently there are worldfarts and big magic storms and...

Sea Monsters

In the triangles (there are five others) there are sea monsters and they will attack whatever, they just don't care, and there are flying monsters, and if you fly you will get totally swarmed by flying monsters. This is a similar punishment for flyers as foundin the Yucatan, but not as harsh, to try and railroad PCs into having to boat their way through. For being one of the most dangerous places in the world, this place seems pretty populous! Sea monsters are pretty stupid.

Random Encounters in the Dimensional Triangle

It says the GM can change this if they want! I say leave it as is, you're not rolling on a table like this if you actually want to make decisions!

Now, this table assumes that you're going around on a boat, but bear in mind Rifts hasn't had many rules for boats! The only boats we've seen are Techno-Wizard vessels from Rifts World Book One. We have no rules for any other vessels, mega-damage or otherwise.

And yet this section gives us things like risk of being capsized due to weight, but we have no idea what the maximum load of most ships are - or speed, or size, or...

... let's move on.

Highlights include:

• Debris Shower: Giant Rocks!: Rocks of 200-800 lbs. fall down, which do minor M.D.C. and, well, act like giant rocks from the sky.
  
• Monsters like pterodactyls, sea serpents, giant octopi, monster sharks, etc., that get short writeups with M.D.C., damage values, and attacks, but no actual combat bonuses or attributes.
  
• Acid Rain: Which does 1d4 normal damage to metal and stone, but 4d6 mega-damage to mega-damage creatures and structures. It's like it specifically melts PCs!
  

Ley Line Storms

Steve Sheiring, betrayer and villain most foul, helped Kev out with this part. It's got to be weird for Kevin, generally weird, to look back at these old books that Steve gets co-writing credits on. But then, maybe that's one reason some of the older books are getting revisions...

Yeah, there can be surges of powers that travel along ley lines! Often they make Rifts. They're called Ley Line Storms Sparkle Farts. They're dangerous, and occur more often where there's powerful nexuses.

The following things occur during a ley line storm sparkle farts

Generally magic goes haywire, magic illusions and disguises are busted, and energy bolts fly around that specifically do more damage to creatures of magic.

Random events that can happen during a ley line storm sparkle fart

We're given how often to roll, but not how long a sparkle fart lasts. It could last forever!

The random effects are pretty standard (dimensional shifts, energy bolts, rifts opening, etc.), though the one that stands out to me is the euphoric effect that heals people. I can only imagine people braving sparkle farts because they become addicts to the happy surges, and occasionally getting et by a monster from a Rift.

But that seems like too interesting an idea to get mentioned. Instead: it's time for Atlantis!

Next: True Atlanteans! They're stronger than you! Smarter than you! Better than you! Eugenics was right all along!

_{And, like any group of good guys in Rifts® , mind-manglingly ineffectual.}

Unable to control her curiosity, she opened the box (the rift) and inadvertently released all the sorrows and troubles of man into the World.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's super rifts!

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 3: "Unable to control her curiosity, she opened the box (the rift) and inadvertently released all the sorrows and troubles of man into the World."

Atlantis and True Atlanteans

Ancient Atlantis

Wait, there are fake Atlanteans? You can't have a revelation about "fake" Atlanteans until you introduce them! Steve Sheiring is given co-credit for this, too, and the Atlanteans will become a mainstay of Rifts® .

Atlantis was super magical during a time that the Earth was way more magical (like 1/8 the current magical levels of Earth), and Atlantis was the first civilization that dominated the Earth. They also teamed up with dragons called the Chiang-Ku, who knew how to make magic tattoos.

occamsnailfile: Because you know what is and that is dragons with tattoos.

Anyway, they made a utopia using magic pyramids (like in a new age shop, only jumbo-sized) and magic rocks. They messed around with dimensional technology to teleport to work and stuff and certainly this had no consequences. It didn't attract magical invaders and stuff. Okay. It totally attracted magical invaders they fought off, and also fought the Splugorth. No, we don't know what the Splugorth are exactly yet, but they fought them.

Rifts Protip: Don't try and build anything vast or grand, because you're just goatse'ing your asscheeks wide for the incoming broomhandle.

So they tried to open a rift that connected several worlds at once because , but accidentally opened a super rift that stretched from Egypt to Yucatan, even though there was no Egypt or Yucatan. It wrecked just about everywhere around Atlantis and let out monsters. They were able to shut it down, but it drained the world's magic up, and stuff was pretty wrecked.

But it also left behind magic triangles across the world that were dimensional nexuses where monsters could come through. Also the legend of Pandora was totally about the super rift, even though that makes no sense.

The Atlanteans were super sad. All they had wanted was unlimited cosmic power! They hadn't meant to hurt anyone! So they went around to make things right by killing a fuckton of monsters, including vampires. They created special Undead Slayer people to kill Vampire Intelligences (the fangblobs from Rifts World Book One) and stuff.

But it turns out non-Atlanteans were pretty upset with getting their world blown up and so they killed them bunches of Atlanteans when they could, because the Atlanteans had been a bunch of ivory tower doofuses and had never actually explored Earth that much, because they were too busy studying other dimensions like the Land of Dairy Queen.

The Final Days

Then the magic on Earth wound down and Atlantis became more unstable to the Atlanteans mostly fled to other worlds and became a lost tribe of some kind. Atlantis vanished by really went into magic limbo. Also Atlantean survivors may have helped build Stonehenge.

The End!... OR IS IT?!

The Atlantis of Today - Rifts Earth

When the magic came back, Atlantis came back with it... because! And then it got covered with Rifts. And out of those rifts came the Splugorth! They enslave people, as you may have heard.

True Atlanteans
Descendants of Human Atlanteans



_{"Jedi? Never heard of 'em."}

The Atlanteans were so bummed at being a bunch of cosmic screwups that they decided they were cursed and never built a civilization again. But they're still about magic and being wizards and travelling dimensions! Because they don't learn important lessons.

They wander dimensions and fight monsters, like Jonathan Smith on Highway to Heaven . They've basically got a millennia-old guilt complex and so they're always trying to make sure magic isn't used for evil and that supernatural villains are thwarted.

Apparently they have reunions every century or so, and only the Aerihman clan doesn't show up. They say their clan leader, Aerihza, is looking to build an empire and is working with supernatural forces!

But I'm sure it's all just rumor.

occamsnailfile: it seems sort of lopsided how the evil guys never have a faction go ‘you know, we’re tired of all this torture and evil, we’re going to see how this cooperative compassion stuff works’

The Return to Earth

A lot of Atlanteans are totally burnt out on Earth and don't want to go back, but some have come back to help out humans against evil stuff. They've helped found New Lazlo and the Cyber-Knights, and are really freaked out at all the monsters around. They really hate vampires and the Splugorth, particularly.

They're studying Earth's magic because they think the information might be important!... not sure how, but they do.

The Unknown Enemy

However, a secret enemy is going around murdering Atlanteans! like 10-15% of them have been offed. They think vampires or Splugorth might be behind it. Obviously, even though the Aerihman are totally suspicious, they can't be behind it because they're A) Atlantean and there are no evil Atlanteans and B) they just lost 1300 people to the mysterious attackers but somehow still don't know shit about them. So mostly people are worried that the Aerihman are getting into danger by going after the assassins single-handedly.

True Atlantean R.C.C.

They're super humans! They're tougher and smarter and way more special than humans. They live for five centuries and are strong-willed, arrogant jerks that don't listen to other people. I mean, they're noble and good and all that, and certainly not jerks, what was I thinking?

True Atlanteans
Character Information common to most Atlanteans

Atlanteans are generally good, superior to humans in all ways except Prowess (they particularly have high Mental Endurance and Strength). They get a horror factor of 12-14, even though they just look like tall, pretty (white) humans because everybody is so impressed with them even though most people have no fucking idea they're anything special at all. They also get magic tattoos called the "Marks of Heritage" that make them M.D.C. and give them extra P.P.E. Apparently most of them are wizards. 12% of them are Temporal Wizards, but there's no such class in the book. 4% of them are Mind Bleeders! But that's not in the book either. Some are Undead Slayers, Stone Masters, or Nomads, which are in the book. Hooray!

occamsnailfile: i think having a horror factor of 14 for being just too pretty is the first time i’ve seen a mechanical example of twilightsville, and like ten years at least before those books

Apparently they get more powers, anyway, they can't be transformed by magic ever, they can sense vampires for 1000 feet, sense rifts and ley lines, operate dimensional pyramids, ley line phase,and get bonuses against magic and horror factor.

Oh, and 60% of the adventuring Atlanteans are male! I guess more female Atlanteans stay... at... not... home?

The Undead Slayer O.C.C.
True Atlantean Tattooed Man

They fight vampires and the Minions of Splugorth!... and it tells us to wait until the Tattoo Magic section.

Apparently having tattoos is a damn occupation , damn interdimensional punks.

The Atlantean Nomad O.C.C.

Basically just interplanar hobos. They get some magic tattoos (we don't know what those do yet, other than translate), and speak Greek with perfect fluency for no readily apparent reason other than fucking Plato.

Fuck you, Plato, this is all your fault.

Next: Atlantis has been taken over by the mmmonsta mash. (The monsta mash!)

_{For those wondering why the Splugorth don't enslave from Africa very often, well... that's metaplot , folks. Are you excited?}

Even events that involve the possible betrayal of a city or even Lord Splynncryth are watched with delight.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

But why do the monsters still just call it what Plato called it? Why not call it "Splynnvania" or "Monsteropolis"?

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 4: "Even events that involve the possible betrayal of a city or even Lord Splynncryth are watched with delight."

The Splugorth's Atlantis

A film by John Hughes. (Cue heartwarming music.)

An overview of Atlantis under the control of the Splugorth


_{You know what I don't see in these pictures? Monsters.}

Atlantis is pretty! But it's run my monsters. They keep human slaves, and it's run by the Splugorth and their allies. Lord Splynncryth, who's an alien intelligence, and also a Splugorth. He doesn't bother conquering more than Atlantis, he likes it and world conquest is just too much pressure, mang. He knows other monsters will try and take over Earth, so he's just getting ready for war. Anyway, Earth is a great vacation retreat for unspeakable, squamous horrors, as it turns out.

The Minions of Splugorth

Anyway, he has flunkies!

• High Lords are the generals and commanders.
  
• Overlords are officers and captains.
  
• Powerlords are the special forces.
  
• Conservators are like... more... special... forces?
  
• Slavers are like NCOs in the air force okay this metaphor is straining at the seams.
  
• Blind Warrior Women are like soldier-
  

Anyway, they also have a horde of lesser minions, like... tattooed men (?), gargoyles, kittani, metzlians, and... uh... dragons. That's right. Step off, dragons. Splugorth isn't impressed. Apparently the Sunaj, whatever they are, are the lowest of the low. But apparently they're allowed to live everyday monster lives as long as they bow down to the Splugorth when asked.

Slaves

Apparently these do all of the manual labor, farming, maid, guard work, or just being a pet. Apparently slaves include "animals, monsters, humans, and other intelligent life forms". So, uh, pretty much anything? Apparently direct servants have less work and nicer clothes. Any of the Splugorth's minions are allowed own to slaves. Usually the indigenous people of whatever planets the Splugorth conquer become slaves.

It's possible to earn the Splugorth's attention and be given special privileges if you do something super-dramatic and useful as a slave, but it doesn't really say what that is, so vague, vague, vague.

Splugorthian Architecture

They use stone magic to build pyramids and buildings! What's stone magic? Who knows! As usual for alien horrors from another dimension, they like greco-roman stylings for their architecture, only the spruce them up with technology, like dragon heads on buildings that can breath fire, statues that watch you, or statues that get up and kick ass for them. However, most of the lesser minions don't know about this, because... I guess statues getting up and backdropping people isn't a big deal.

Anyway, the Splugorth like to watch. They're super-stalkery. Sometimes when they notice revolts and stuff they just watch them for entertainment value, and then crush them once they're annoying. In short, the Splugorth love the shit out of some reality tv.

occamsnailfile: At least Mojo figured out he could make money off being an extradimensional voyeur intelligence. Man, I’d totally pay money to watch living statues wrestle people.

I think my entire life has led up to this point, where I’m now envisioning a version of COPS, only when they catch the elven perp, they just beat them to death with eyeball sticks and penis sticks.

Technology

The Splugoth use magic - bio-wizardry, rune magic, stone magic, pyramid technology, tattoo magic - not that stuff is explained yet. They're also into usual technology like cars and stuff but mainly as a trade good. Apparently magic is their big technology, and they have magical equivalents for most convenience technologies.

Stone magic? Pyramid technology? It's like all the tools of the New Age have been turned to evil . Well. More evil .

Next: The tourist's guide to Atlantis! If you visit one monster-infested asspit a year, this should be the one!

_{Now I want a magic island dominated by the cruel, demanding cookie monsters.}

Her best friend is Myrrlux, a Volate Metztla!

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

Time to keep your Rifts® Conversion Book at the ready! What, you bought that before you bought this, right? Right?

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 5: "Her best friend is Myrrlux, a Volate Metztla!"

Key Places in Atlantis

General Regional Data

Atlantis has towns too! And some places are run by monsters. In fact, it has bunches of monsters. It's nearly as big as the United States! The western half is mostly (unpopulated) wilderness, though.

It then gives us population stats! There's... one Splugorth, Lord Splynncryth, but 1d6 Splugorth visiting at any given time. Most of the population is of Overlords / Powerlords, there are a lot of Kittani, and slaves. What are Overlords and Kittani? We'll have to wait.

It states that there are 8 million human slaves, 20 million non-human slaves. It then goes on to say the slave population is 32% human.

_{Rifts® , bad at math.}

The Refuge

This is there Splynncryth and his visting Splugorth bros hang. Despite being dimensional conquerors and slavers, they apparently really love nature, so they keep this as a park. They apparently don't keep minions here, which seems like a great idea, being alone and vulnerable in the wilderness despite having a litany of enemies, but what do I know? I'm just a lowly human.

Apparently there are faeries out in the woods, and some slaves escape into it, and a bunch of monsters from the Conversion Book blah blah.

occamsnailfile: Basically the entire description of faeries in the Conversion book was “these things are unbelievably annoying,” I struggle to believe the Splugorth would tolerate them. Unless they’re secretly big softies who really love the little sparkles and have notebooks with faerie art and stuff.

Consider it now canon.

The Splugorth hang out on pyramids, but apparently do wander about on nature hikes. They like to chill here because it's far away from all the pressures of being interdimensional slavers. To keep it chill and mellow, they have the Refugee Exterminator Squads to... wait, it says there will be more on the RES later.

Refugee Exterminator Squads (RES)

Well, that wasn't much of a wait. Anyway, they go out to catch or murder any intruders into the Refuge, like escaped slaves. They let a lot of monsters live in the forests, though, because they eat escaped slaves. We get the layout of a number of sample RES squads, blah blah.

The Preserves

This is a jungle and forest region which is filled with faeries, monsters, and a bunch of intelligent humanoids and humans. Apparently, humanoids are generally hunted for sport here. It's mostly just wilderness, though sometimes the humanoids manage nomadic villages or camps, and most are unfriendly, paranoid wrecks because they're just hunting stock.

Sometimes they let slaves just escape here, or let out failed experiments here. This place is basically meant as a fun zone for monsters. Some are happy just murdering but others seek out big monsters and skilled humanoids to hunt as a challenge, like the predator from Predator. Also, because it's close to the Demon Sea, the magic bunghole is always farting out horrible monsters into the area.

The Conservator

These are modified High Lords - whatever those are - that serve as park rangers. They make sure stuff stays in the preserves and that unwanted intruders are kept out. Apparently the Refugee Exterminator Squads help them out sometimes.

The Terror Coast

This is where the Demon Sea intersects the continent, and it's always spitting out monsters. Apparently there are a bunch of Death Weavers here, too. This makes the Splugorth cheery, because hey, new monsters. Also, the monsters make invaders sad, which is good.

The Great Stone Mountains
Home of the Gargoyle Kingdom

Flying monsters really like it here, but it's mostly just all full up with gargoyles. Some mountain men like it here and there are small monster communities as well. Oh, and we get some heights of local mountains, as if that matters.

There's Kii-Kyl, the Haunted Mountain, which is actually a lie because it's a range of mountains where Mount Doom is located. Mount Doom apparently looks like a scary face. And they're around a Haunted Valley! Which is full of haunting entities (see that Conversion Book, folks) and a bunch of evil monsters, mostly from Beyond the Supernatural. Tourists come here to hunt ghosts, I guess? And to scale Mount Doom, which is apparently extra exciting because in addition to scaling a big mountain, everything is trying to kill you!

Oh, and there's rumors of vampires here, which bugs the shit out of Lord Splynncryth, because the Vampire blobs are big-time rivals. He hasn't been able to find anything solid but his most trusted advistor has seen the shadow of the bat in the future of Atlantis. So he offers big-time rewards in millions of credits to those that find vampires.

Apparently there's Great Stone, which is a mountain that has elementals all over it, who are still boring and generally won't mess with you unless you mess with them, like I said, boring. Splynncryth allows a bunch of human warlocks to have a monastery here trying to figure out the riddle of the elementals for him, which I'm sure the answer to is also boring. (It's probably just a rift.)

The Gargoyle Kingdom

It's full of gargoyles!

I know, I called it already, how did I know?

Anyway they mostly are self-sufficient, but still love the shit out of Splynncryth for some reason. "We don't owe him anything! Yay, Splynncryth!"


_{Perches! FUCK YEAH!}

Gurgoyle Open-Air Villages

Anyway, they live in simple clay and stone huts. They also like monoliths, towers, and totem poles to perch on. Apparently gargoyles are all about perching. They also like Greco-Roman stylings and often have village squares that are like coliseum. And they have often have local businesses blah blah blah and blah. They don't give a shit about technology. They also have a bunch of High Lords / Powerlords / Overlords / Lordlords as the local cops. I don't know, mixing in a bunch of non-locals as the police always seems to be trouble...

Gargoyle Subterranean Domains

They also dig holes to live in! These are private and humans are not allowed, increase, these are like the high-class part of town where the slaves are kept and stuff. Most of the businesses here are just service businesses for locals.

Holes! Exciting! Big holes! Little holes! Holes!

The Gargoyles' Capital City Alvurron

This is the fanciest and most cosmopolitan of the Gargoyles' cities. Some visitors even think it's a real city!... as opposed to the holes in the ground the gargoyles are so goddamn proud of it.

Anyway, it's built over a canyon, and the side of the canyon walls are covered with "Pueblo Indian style houses", even though they don't know what the hell a Pueblo is. Most of the non-winged folks just live on the city in the canyon itself.

Alvurron City Highlights

Transdimensional tourists come here, and there's also sorts of entertainers, hotels, bars, etc.

The Alvurron Arena

It's a famous fighting arena! Apparently the three-year champion of dragon wrestling is Narga the Terrible, who is a thunder lizard dragon. She's a 12th level spellcaster, 3rd level shifter, and 10th level assassin / warrior, even though that's impossible according to the rules. It doesn't give full combat stats for her but gives all the weapons she has, making it a singularly useless statblock. Apparently she has guards and friend including Cynthia Harman, who is a "T-Monster man/woman", Ivor Shultz, who is an ex-NGR soldier in this Triax X-1000 ULTI-MAXXXXXXXX power armor, and Myrlux, who is apparently a Volate Metzla, whatever the fuck that is.

It gives us a number of regular combatants:

• A seven headed hydra, who is apparently kept in a cave between bouts. Somehow. I'd think an adult hydra sits wherever it likes, but whatever.
  
• A pair of dragon beasts, whatever those are.
  
• Clayn the Cyclops, who is is a past champion, and is 10th level. (A 10th level what, we don't know.)
  
• Grundax the Adorak, another former champion, whatever he is, and 8th level.
  
• Sly the Slaver and his six mighty slave women, who apparently are a contender to beat Narga. It seems kind of goofy to let somebody fight with six helpers, but... (Also it earlier mentioned that the Blind Warrior Women aren't slaves, so, what the hell?)
  
• Stone-Death, who is a 10th level gargoyle lord who might dethrone Narga. Yeah, with the fivefold difference in M.D.C., he's going to need a lot of fucking luck.
  

The Alvurron Pyramid

This is where the Splurgorth elite minions hang out and strut their stuff. It also lets them heal, communicate, and transport stuff to other cities.

The Alvurron Slave Market

"Humans, elves, ogres, and T-Men are their specialty." Moving on.

The Canyon Market

They sell stuff, except slaves and magic items. I guess magic items are illegal, for some reason...?

Earthworks

This run by a human stone wizard who sells a bunch of souvenirs and carvings and jewelry. But he's really a spy for Splynncryth! And Splynncryth has assassins watching him just in case.

Also, he has a concubine that loathes him.

The Long Tentacle - Magic Emporium

This is the only magic shop allowed to sell magic stuff, including items and services. Apparently, they also sell bio-transmutations, including healing (and torture). "Excuse me, I'd like your finest horrible tongue-searing agony , please."

They also sell bio-wizard augmentation, mind links, chest amalgmates, microbes, parasites, symbiotes, lobotomized Zembahk... why, no, we have no idea what any of this shit is yet!

Oh, and the salespeople are shits who try and convince people to subject themselves to magic that's dangerous or disfiguring, presumably because they're tremendous assholes with no motivation beyond mustache-twirling. (Tragically, they have no mustaches; perhaps that explains the pointless evil.)

The Mountain Garage

It's a giant garage run by the Kittani! They repair vehicles and technology.

Prey-Be Safaris

This group organizes safaris into the Preserves or boating trips on the coast. Humans and elves often get killed while away on these trips; apparently Prey-Be Safaris doesn't give a shit about repeat business there.

occamsnailfile: But only humans and elves, dwarves will be just fine.

It didn't use the magic word, "humanoids".

Next: How the other side of Atlantis lives! Bug hives! Dragon Temples! Asylums for crazy monsters!

_{See, they're good monsters, and thus "crazy", maybe the whole world is the asylum and they are the only ones outside-}

There are reasons humans consider most supernatural beings to be demonic and this is why.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

Any place that serves elves as food can't be all bad.

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 6: "There are reasons humans consider most supernatural beings to be demonic and this is why."

The Valley of Wonder

There are a bunch of cities and towns east of the Great Stone Mountains! Like-

Azlum The Asylum

This is a small city, but it has an asylum at the center, predictably enough. Apparently they were researching dimensional rifts at a magic pyramid here that accidentally opened a rift to a mysterious dimension.

Containment and Defense of the Portal

Fuck the city, let's talk about the portal. Apparently it's super-protected by overlords and powerlords and rune statues and Eyes of Eylor) and whatever those are. The Eyes of Eylor can cast a bunch of spells to prevent entry, the chamber with the rift has 10,000 M.D.C. but why ?

Psionic Powers, Changes & Insanity

That's a confusing header. But. Apparently anybody who stands close to the rift gains psionic powers and has their alignment reverse. The only exception is children, who get warm fuzzies.

Oh, and if you go into the rift, you're lost forever. "There is no hope of return - roll up a new character."

Well, that's anticlimactic.

Splynny keeps this secret from his other Splugorth because it freaks him out, and presumably would freak them out too. Test subjects get locked up in the asylum, since apparently turning good is seen as dangerous insanity. But most of the locals don't know about the portal, even though there are over 222 troops assigned to the thing, in addition to whomever actually conducts the experiments. No rumors leak out, somehow.

occamsnailfile: “Loose uh...lifts close rifts?” I got nothin’."

Anyway, the process reduces M.D.C., increases S.D.C., grants powerful psionic powers, and reverses alignment. Also, there's an insanity table, so a evil psychopath can become a saintly kleptomaniac...? Or a benevolent compulsive liar!

Notable Asylum Inmates

There's two "Metzla", who are good; I suppose they're normally evil. And there's Stydro the Great Horned Dragon, who was good, but now he's evil! He's also 16th level, which... uh... is not a level that exists in the system . He was looking to murder Styphathal, his brother and ruler of "Dragcona", who betrayed him.

Dragcona

The land or dragons or drag queens-

occamsnailfile: These are some of the worst names.

The City of Dragons

Well, that's cleared up.

Despite the name, it's mostly full of gargoyles. Again. Apparently it has 1d6 x 1000 dragons at any time which is the largest community of dragons in the world.

Dragons are totally in charge here, and can just murder whoever they want, they just don't care. It's ruled by Styphathal, who claims to be the son of the dragon-god, Styphon. And people worship him, and Splynn is okay with this, because Styphathal is super-loyal.

(It's an annoying trait for the villains in Rifts to be lock-step with each other, even when they should rub each other the wrong way.)

The city is a mess and the poor live in horrible slums while the wealthy get all sorts of crazy decadence, including "... houses of domination, places of torture (they do the torturing)..."

Well. That covers the dungeons and dragons, but probably not the kind of dungeons Gygax was thinking of.

Anyway, they sell all sorts of scummy services and devices, like dark magic, drugs, "bio-wizard parasites", etc.

Slaves and human workers generally run a lot of a factories which are run by the kittani and dragons, and there are mines outside the city as well.


_{The spikiest savior of the world.}

Noteworthy Places in Dragcona
The Palace of Styphathal

It's tall but not that big, and used for King Dragon's powerful guests. He actually lives in a secret complex underneath the palace, which somehow remains secret even though it has nearly a hundred guards.

The Dragcona Slave and Livestock Market

It sells monsters that other monsters like to ride and monsters that monsters like for pets. Also, it sells fresh humans for eatin'. "Disgusting but true."

The Public Arena

"Your typical area, only with more blood sports, monster fighting, and more fights to the death."

The Slaughter House Saloon

It's a huge saloon with its own area, and there's blood all over the place, and is only for superhuman monsters. It has three big draws:

• Super-drinks to get monsters drunk, but that are deadly to normal humans and their ilk.
  
• Blood sports where monsters tear apart humans and throw them to the crowds.
  
• The slaughter and consumption of living creatures - "Humans and closely related humanoids are a favorite."
  

The Cathedral of Dragon Wright

It has a big evil golden statue of Styphathal. It has dragon preachers and all that, it can seat tens of thousands, etc.

occamsnailfile: I am sad that Dragon Wright is not Phoenix Wright’s brother, returned to his people.

The Modern Cult of Dragonwright

Styphathal (which sucks to have to type repeatedly, incidentally), apparently runs a cult - the Dragonwright Cult! He claims to be the son of the god Styphon, and teaches that Stydro betrayed Styphon and imprisoned their god-dad in a rune weapon. So Styphathal preaches that his dad was actually a huge loser and people should worship him instead, because seriously, he's just shinin'.

The Dragonwright cult has appeared on other worlds! If you guess the Palladium RPG, you'd guess right. But apparently it's big in America, too, apparently with the Federation of Magic. It preaches that dragons are the perfect magic beings and Styphathal is the their god, and they're going to rule everything in perfect harmony. It's complete bullshit, mind.

(Seriously, Splynn doesn't have an issue with this?)

Anyway, it's become really a big deal on Earth, though how or why isn't explained.

Oh, and they hate vampires because Splynn sez so.

Styphathal The Corruptor, Son of Styphon

Corruptor? It that his official title? Isn't his contrary to his shining perfect god-king of the dragons image?

Anyway, apparently he's good with and lying and faking being a nice guy. He's touchy, though, and will totally murder you if you disrespect him. Also he's a "sixth level stone master", and knows tattoo magic, even though the former part is against the dragon advancement rules. Also he has a magic sword that's a "soul drinker" that he says has Styphon in it, but it's BS; STYPHON LIIIIIIVES-

(This fact is of zero consequence unless you're running Palladium Fantasy® instead.)

A Reverence for Dragons
(Applicable throughout Atlantis)

Apparently because dragons can do magic and shapeshift, they're "mega-powers", even though this is stuff a bunch of supernatural creatures can do.

And even though they were detailed as "lesser minions" earlier, apparently dragons are treated with super-respect by the Splugorth and their minions. It might be that dragons are really the ultimate magical life form! Or just that Splugorth learned punching dragons is bad for business. Either way, even though dragons don't rank high, they're given a lot of respect. Except the young ones. If you're a PC, you'll still catch a lot of shit. Sorry, PCs.

Oh, and ancient dragons freak out Splugorth minions so much they lose half their attacks and bonuses. You know, just in case you didn't think ancient dragons were powerful enough, what with their 16th level and bizarre multiclassing and all. Also, Splugorth minions get all bothered when 1st level Coalition grunts stand fast, go figure. So much for being scary monsters.

Just run around Atlantis with a cardboard dragon mask on and you ought to be fine.

Ki-Talan

This where the Kittani live. Apparently there are humans that live here who are free as well, and... dog boys? How did dog boys get here? Don't expect an explanation...

Anyway, this is the capital city of the Kittani. (We still haven't learned who they are.) Apparently they're high-tech and have stuff like cybernetics, elevators, and "laser discs". They're apparently all about technology and sell a lot of it, and you won't find magic for sale here.

Weapon Outlets

You can buy robots, missles, energy weapons, etc. They can do repair services at the normal costs.

The Tech-Arena

It's a big stadium! They have stuff like races, concerts, and giant robot fights. They love giant robot fights.

Hyper-Theaters & Parks

Apparently the Hyper- part involves putting on a special helmet that gives "realistic sound, smells, and other sensations".

occamsnailfile: Finally, Smellovision replaces television!

The Bio-Genetics Medical Center

It's super-advanced and can handle pretty much any injury. They can also clone limbs and can attached cloned replacement limbs. They can also clone people, but all the memories are lost. It doesn't work on creatures of magic (which apparently includes elves and goblins...?). Apparently the process doesn't work fast enough for them to mass-produce.

Metzla-Zym

They are "strange beings the rely on their natural magic and psionic powers". They build hives like hands, and a queen lays eggs. Most of the recognizable city is really just used by the slaves, and it's super-scummy. They don't have much in the way of sanitation and don't really have much to offer except very basic supplies like food or psionic healing. The humans have their own culture but it's basically a culture of getting pooped on by the Metzla. Apparently slaves who are bad sometimes get sent here.

The City of Splynn
The Capital of Atlantis

It's mostly just big-time minions of Splugorth here. They love Greco-Roman styling, with statues everywhere that watch everything. There's a huge pyramid used by Splynncryth to make personal appearances, and the city is super-clean.

Here, they focus on magic, and most of the magic items created in Atlantis are made here. Technology exists, but only as personal property. There are magic ships and flying animals instead. And this is a big tourist zone for monsters, but humans basically get sneers everywhere.


_{Still not seeing any monsters in these cityscapes.}

Splynn City Highlights

Apparently they sell everything here! Including technology, even though they said there isn't much of that around. Sometimes you pay normally but sometimes it may require "betrayal, murder, or the selling of one's soul!" I wonder what the exchange rate on betrayal is like these days...?

"The" Market

This is where everything is bough and sold and they're going to explain it elsewhere.

The Arena of Champions

They have blood sports, wizard duels, etc. At this point if you've seen one arena description you've seen them all.

The Imperial Pyramid of Splynncryth

This is the pyramid described earlier, apparently it's always busy with minions but they don't let visitors except by invitation.

Skyrealm Excursions

Here they offer tours on flying boats. They also rent pegasus, dragondactyls, and gryphons.

The Palace of Living Stone

Apparently High Lord stone masters can make magic statues and flying stone ships and other fancy stuff.

Additions

This is a shop that sells "bio-wizardry" where apparently they can sell things like parasites, symbiotes, microbes, etc. Also, they can modify your body! But there will could be horrible side effects.

The Splynn Zoo

There are exotic animals here and the victims of bio-wizard experiments gone awry. There's a real unicorn here! "Always a nice place to take the family."

Dimensional Raiders

Atlantis is well-known enough across the MEGAVERSE that raiders from other dimensions occasionally pop in to rob it, especially in the market areas. Of course, the Overlords and other minions try and stop them, and sometimes the Splugorth send dimension-hopping assassins after them.


_{A map of Atlantis, with details on how to go anywhere else .}

Next: The minions of Splugorth! Now you finally get to know what a Kittani and the rest are! I know, context! That's what this book was missing so far!

_{I don't understand why so many monsters like to eat humans in this setting; we're not exactly prime meat. Maybe the rifts caused our bones to be filled with honey...?}

They are a high spirited, energetic and cheerful people, but also cruel and evil.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

You can't really get the pronunciation of "Splugorth" right without vomiting.

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 7: "They are a high spirited, energetic and cheerful people, but also cruel and evil."

The Splugorth and their Minions

Splynncryth The Splugorth

They're good at strategy, manipulation, negotiation, and are basically super-special smart. Oh, and he recruited the Sunaj and is super-happy about it. No, we don't know who the Sunaj are yet. Oh, and he's supported the gargoyles in Europe, but if the humans start losing, he might support them instead. He finds war super-amusing.

Then we get stats! He has near-maxed intelligence traits, even including a M.E. of 32, even though going over 30 has no effect. His main body has 56,000 M.D.C., he has 13,000 P.P.E. (keep track of that , GMs), and 3,000 I.S.P. He can dimensionally teleport at 98% to any place he owns / conquered, and open rifts to any places he's been to. He can also magically summon minions as well. Apparently he's vulnerable to silver and magic weapons, which do triple damage, but very few magic weapons do that much damage to begin with. He weighs 35 tons and has Pick Pockets at 71%. I's a sneaky 50' tentacle, apparently.

It mentions that you can't play a Splugorth! Awwww. Apparently they need a ton of magic from a nexus to survive, and are really weakened otherwise. Also, he can possess beings in other dimensions. (This means he can easily just vanish from this dimension and then send invisible possessing forces and possess an entire party of PCs, thanks for playing.) It restates that you can't use one as a PC again. That sounds like a dare, Siembieda.


_{Splynncryth likes his bubble bath! Yes he does!}

The Average Splugorth

Here we get similar stats, only with some random rolls for attributes or P.P.E. or whatever.

The Minions of Splugorth


<sub>"You all laughed at me when I got the Gustovich art tattooed all over - well who's laughing now?!"


2.1: Org chart for Splynncryth Inc.</sub>


Splugorth High Lords
Priest, Wizard & Alchemist

It's not clear where these guys come from, but they may be related to the Splugorth. Or not! They've served the Splugorth for basically forever, and have the highest position in Splugorthian society aside from the Splugorth. They do a ton of fancy stuff.


_{Covered in the monster equivalent of spinners and whistle tips.}

The Splugorth apparently link up with these guys and feed them power. The High Lords may be basically P.P.E. parasites, but it's not clear. They all know about tattoo magic, are ley line walkers, and generally one other special like Techno-Wizard, Bio-wizard (it says, "see new O.C.C." but there is not), Stone Master, or Rune Master. It gives a very brief description of the rune master, and then we get stats!

Apparently they're generally competent overall (aside from being ugly) and get 1d4 x 100 M.D.C from being linked to the Splugorth. Oh, and they can turn invisible, dimensional teleport to the Splugorth at 98%, get some mentalist psionics, and get to be super-powerful wizards. It notes that they get multiple magic classes as a special NPC trait. Well, at least they acknowledge it this time around. And they rely on a lot of bio-wizardry and rune weapons.

It ends with a note you can't play these guys because they're loyal to the Splugorth and evil, and they feed on P.P.E. of other beings, which is apparently bad (even though there are other PC classes that do it, like the Psi-Stalker or Vampire).

How about just saying "they're too powerful" instead of dancing around the point?

Splugorth Conservators

These are High Lords that become bio-borgs to go out and hunt as "crazy predators". They're not very common, and says they should "not easily be available" as a player character character. Normally they're a bunch of loyal maniacs, but sometimes the fact they aren't linked up with the Splugorth gives them the chance to be decent folk. Decent folk, though, are considered mad and dangerous, so the Splugorth are likely to hunt them down.


_{Stalking prey or practicing a dance move? You decide!}

They get crazy physical traits (including Strength of 50), M.D.C. of 1d4 x 100 + 350, paralyzing stinger, chemical spray from the mouth (it marks you with its sceeeeent), a bunch of claws and spikes, a molecular analyzer in the mouth (put in your mouth, put it in-), and a third eye which is an "eye of Eylor". They can turn invisible and teleport to the Splugorth as well. They have minor magic, psionics, and dinky skills. They're super-good at basic math, though! They get a rune weapon and apparently a bunch of bio-wizard goodies.

Also, they all go crazy and have to roll twice on a table of insanity, which includes delights as being obsessed with killing songbirds, being a kleptomaniac, or hating tattooed men. Magic tattoos are a huge deal, damn those kids, damn them with their skin art and their disrepect! I'm gonna kill 'em!

Splugorth Overlords
Kydians - Loyal Minions

This is the guy on the cover. Apparently they have a high birth rate and grow to full physical maturity by 14. So. Their worlds was filled by people and they were starting to have to murder the elderly and eat them. Okay, I made up the part about eating them, but it's probably true anyway.

So, the Splugorth showed up and bailed them out by giving them other planets to make babies all over. And now they use them as expendable troops, since they'll always pop out more. The current generation is entirely brainwashed by the Splugorth, who they see as their saviors. Anyway, they become Overlords, which are tuff troops for their tentacle kings.


_{Humans can't tell this is a look of pure, unbridled alien lust.}

Oh, you can play one, but you have to be a rogue Kydian all the other Kydians want to kill.

They're just S.D.C. creatures, yet are considered to have supernatural strength. They start with 70 S.D.C. and can do 700 S.D.C. with a normal punch, or 1400 with a power punch. This means they can all turn each other into gory piles with an errant backhand. Ooops.

Apparently they rely in armor and bio-wizardry a lot to become survivable. The get a generic monster cop R.C.C. that knows a lot about magic (but can't practice it) and some impressive magic weaponry.

Splugorth Powerlord
Augmented Kydian

These guys are buffed up through bio-wizardry, it shortens their lifespan, but they're just cannon fodder anyway. These guys are the elite cannon fodder.

Oh, and you can play one, if you want to be a good guy hated and hunted by assassins wayyy more powerful than you. Enjoy!

Anyway, they're like regular Kydians, but they get to be mild M.D.C. critters, get forearm blades, a third eye that gives them fancy magic-detecting super-vision, and more bio-wizard goodies.

Splugorth Slaver
a.k. a. "The Minion"

This is reprinted word-for-word from Rifts Sourcebook. No new information on where they come from or anything. I wonder if they used the same-


_{I can't stop thinking about the Tootsie Pop owl.}



- dammit Siembieda. Damn. It.

Blind Warrior Women

Altara Warriors - Slaves of the Splugorth

Some reprinted text from Sourcebook, then-

Oh, okay, they're from Altara, and are Altarains. And have apparently been brainwashed and mind controlled by the Splugorth a lot, and a bunch of them hate serving the Splugorth, but don't have much choice on account just getting killed or imprisoned otherwise.

Apparently they only reproduce by cloning themselves from a cocoon every twelve years. Why? How?

Their stats are like those Rifts Sourcebook, only slightly higher and with some of the bio-wizard weaponry from this book.

Kittani

These are technologically big-craniumed ape men from another world. They were basically at a big technological height before the Mechanoids attacked, which were a "race of aliens obsessed with the annihilation of all humanoid life".

Man, it sucks to be a humanoid, what with all the devils that specifically like tormenting humanoids, the monsters that specifically like the taste of humanoids, and now we've got aliens that are specifically after humanoids?!

Four legs good, two legs bad! Four legs good, two legs bad!

I bet they get totally mixed up when they see a centaur. It's so conflicting!

Anyway, the Mechanoids had a big, epic war with them, but the Kittani lost, and so the Splugorth rescued them and they've been bros ever since. They mostly just want to be able to conquer worlds again, because conquering worlds is way fun.

Anyway, they're like humans, only they have crazy high mental attributes, and get telemechanic psionics. So, you know that technological thing that's mostly a human thing in Rifts? Making power armor and super-weapons. These guys are way better at it. Also if the Splugorth find them learning magic, they kill them for some reason. There is no reason given.


_{"I'll have you know we have an average Physical Beauty of 9! That's only 1.5 less than a human."}

They get some wonderfully generic O.C.C.s! They get a generic soldier O.C.C.! A generic mechanic O.C.C.! A generic spy O.C.C.! (Please to be ignoring my giant ape head, everyone! It is medical condition!)

Kittani Weapons & Bots

They're so technologically awesome they're even better than Triax or the Coalition, and only rarely sell their bots. And they totally fight to the death so you can't capture their stuff, that means you, players.

occamsnailfile: This pushes the jerk in me to want to make giant power armor-sized glue traps to totally catch some of them alive and then mock their stupid ape brains that didn’t think of a self-destruct.

I'm sure they'll think of a way around, they're more special than us.

Next: The Metztla! Great art! Horrible writeups! It's like fecal butter and chocolate!

_{Wait, are the Mechanoids just interstellar bronies?}

The Murex might be considered a hell-spawned demon, for although it is not supernatural, it is so evil and cruel that it can hardly be considered anything else.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

Speaking of trying to do Lovecraftian themes without grasping them in the slightest...

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 8: "The Murex might be considered a hell-spawned demon, for although it is not supernatural, it is so evil and cruel that it can hardly be considered anything else."

The Metztla

They're evil, super-psionic, evil, flying, evil, insectoid, evil bulbs. Apparently they're organized in hives. And are evil! There are several types:

• Murex and Volute and the leaders.
  
• Murvolva and Murvoma are their mooks.
  
• Kree-Carapace drones are their bugbot drones.
  

But the leaders are free to run around and do their own shit, because they're probably terrible at running hives. It doesn't even say what these hives even do - gather pollen? Farm mushrooms? Psychically jerk off all day?

Anyway, a big fat version of the Murex or Volute is the queen and pumps out eggs. Oh, and they're growing discontented with being servitors, thanks to the Sunaj puffing up their egos. They might side with the Sunaj against Splynncryth!

Or they might side with the Mechanoids... even though... there's been no indication the Mechanoids are involved with anything, or the Metzla even really know of them, or... huh?

occamsnailfile: I think these were the first time my junior high self suspected that they might just have the artists draw pictures and then make up words.

Murex Metzla

They like tricking people and causing chaos, and they're sadistic and... basically generic assholes.

It's the same personality description the generic smart demon had in Rifts RPG, it's the same personality that was used for the Neuron Beast in Rifts Sourcebook, it's the same personality that was used for the Mindolar in Rifts RPG, or the Goqua in the Rifts Conversion Book, just generic fucking monsters with an absolute fucking dearth of genuine motivation or characterization.

*catches breath*

Oh, the shit doesn't stop flying there.


_{Snug as a xenomorph in a shell.}

It has 5000 M.D.C.

It has 12 attacks a turn. It's 50' long. It can do 1d6 x 10 damage per attack. It can automatically grapple you with tentacles or swallow a man-sized target whole. It's a powerful physical psionic. It shoots lightning bolts from built-in cannons. It can blend in with its environment. Mercifully, it can't turn invisible or teleport like a lot of Rifts monsters, but...

It has 5000 M.D.C. That's more than a vampire intelligence. More than the demon gods of the Yucatan. More than Succor-Bemoth or Belphegor of the Sulfur Pits or Abrasax the Insatiable. It is a farcical number.

How many are there? Well, their capital city has... running the numbers... 66,000 of them.

You want to kill all of them just in one hive city? (And you do, every last one is an incorrigible, monstrous shithead.) Be prepared to deal out 330 million M.D.C.

That's a lot of e-clips.

Oh, and it's just the elite. The minority. Let's see the others.

But before we do? I mentions it can't be a PC, as a last note. In case you were wondering.

Volute Metztla


_{As seen on I'm Not a Metztla!, the delightful Atlantean "gore-com" where a "Volute" moves in with a Coalition family, and has to humorously kill all that find out. Tagline: "But they were delicious!"}

It's like the Murex, but it looks different. It only has... 4200 M.D.C. It has a Horror Factor of 18. It has less attacks and does less damage. It also has four poison stingers that reduces your attacks, speed, and all bonuses to two. It can even affect dragons with this.

It also notes it would take 40 stings to affect a Splugorth for one melee. So. There's 110,000 of these things in their hive capital. Each has four stingers. Sounds doable to me.

Oh, and they're more powerful psionically than the Murex.

And it mentions you can't play one.

Next shitty idea! Launch! Fire!

Murvolva Metztla


_*snicker*

These are the wimpy ones, at a mere 10' long. They have 1000 M.D.C. Only about a third more than a Glitter Boy gets. They're spies and scavengers. They're even weaker, which is to say they'll still kick the ass of most things. They also have tentacles that can auto-tangle you.

Also, I want to mention at this point it continually describes the Metztla as aquatic creatures - they see and camouflage themselves better in water - but all their cities are landlocked in a valley. Ooops.

"Not available as a player character.", it says.

Murvoma Metztla


_{Metztla, bad at hugs.}

These don't have a hell and instead are just big 10' conglomerations of fourteen lamprey-like tentacles. They have a measly 400 M.D.C., barely more than a mere young dragon! Anyway they can entangle, but can't fly like the others. But they love to torture people and serve the queen!

The queen!

You can't play these either.

Kreelong Carapace


_{Some days it doesn't know if it's comin' or goin'.}

It's basically a giant bug-thing that builds the actual hive by secreting resin. What does it use to make the resin? Fuck you, it just makes it. And it can dig, and it has lightning cannons for demolition. So, it's not really a combatant, it shouldn't be so tough-

3400 M.D.C.



It's pretty tough in hand to hand, can auto-swallow people, or it can create an energy field you can't dodge. Oh yeah, and even though it's a brainless drone, it gets psionics. It can't fly, though.

Oh and you can't play one.

Kreewarr Carapace

Despite it being basically a drone, it is also "mean-spirited". It is like the Kreelong, only for Warr. It's 45' long and has...

5600 M.D.C.


_{We just kept throwing arachnids and arthropods together and came up with this!}

It can swallow cars whole, shoot lightning, is covered in melee weapons, spit tear gas, master psionics (despite having all the smarts of a ant). It's basically a crab with a cannon.

They have 220,000 of them in their capital.

And that's ever-lovin' last of the Metztla. Ptoo! I spit on them.

Next: The Sunaj, last of the Splugorthite minions! Who are the secret assassins targeting the Atlanteans? Hint: we've already met them. (And if you needed that hint, you may want to get an MRI done.)

_{I just want to say what an inspiration Ettin's Cthulhutech writeups were for me to start on Rifts® . Yes. I am passing the blame on to him, it is all his fault . Have I already mentioned this? If I did, I'm emphasizing it.}

The word Sunaj is "Janus" spelled backwards.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

But... what would drive a megalomaniac to murder ?

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 9: "The word Sunaj is "Janus" spelled backwards."

The Sunaj Allies of the Splugorth
For the GM's Eyes Only

So, don't read it! Because it may "detract from the enjoyment", but that "players will certainly enjoy" it. Uh.

Uh.



Congratulations, Kevin. You successfully bamboozled me.

Anyway these are secret assassins who always wear masks blah blah, the Splugorth treat them like crap but the Sunaj put up with it even though they're totally awesome and powerful, but why?


_{Boarman and Goatboy?}

The True Story Behind the Sunaj

Anyway, they're really the Aerihman Clan of the Atlanteans.

Shock! Surprise! Obvious!

They want to be conquering dicks, so they're trying to wipe out their kin so they don't have any opposition to become conquering dicks. They're pretty pissed the other Atlanteans told them they couldn't be conquering dicks, so they hooked up with the Splugorth.

The Splugorth love the idea of murdering the other Atlanteans and using the Aerihman has pawns, and find the whole thing to be a huge laff. And they really like the idea that the Atlanteans will be super embarrassed when this comes out.

The Aerihman then often show up like buds to the other Atlanteans but then are like stab stab stab. Yep, their main competency is that all the other Atlanteans are naive dolts. They'll agree to help another Atlantean help fight monster but it is a trap, as they say, and they slip up behind and stab stab stab.

Who are the Sunaj

Why are they called the Sunaj? See, it's "Janus" backwards. Get it? Get it?

Anyway they wear masks and all that for obvious reasons. Oh, and you may wonder from the earlier chapters - didn't the Aerihman Clan lose over a thousand of their people to assassins? Well, yeah. It turns out they were all volunteers he had killed to those other Atlanteans off the scent, because the Aerihmans are super-fanatical.

Lord Aerihza, their leader, plans to frame the Splugorth as the "real" villains and team up with the Metztlians to overthrow Splynn and others.

occamsnailfile: At least the bad guys are teaming up on each other a little bit. Still, these heels don’t provide very good wrestling.

Game Master Note

It points out that the Atlanteans are super naive and that they won't believe that the Sunaj = Aerihman without "mountains of proof". Oh, and there are 200,000 in the clan, making it the biggest clan, but nobody knows this, it is a secret.

The Sunaj Assassin
A Secret Tattooed Man

Like all Atlanteans, the Sunaj have magic tattoos, and can have any O.C.C. other Atlanteans can have. Also a lot of them work as assassins to gather information around the multiverse.

Also it mentions a certain number of them are "Mind Bleeders", which aren't detailed in this book.

Anyway, there's a Sunaj Assassin O.C.C., which is pretty average but they get magic tattoos that appaently give them "Death Touch", magic weapon, and "power tattoos". They also get psionics for some reason, though why isn't clear. Oh, and the magic tattoos make them into M.D.C critters. They also get special armor that's tougher than any other set of personal armor we've seen with 110 M.D.C.

Then we get a new big bad.

Lord Ahziree Aerihza

Anyway, people super love this guy, even though he had a bunch of his own people murdered, because I guess conquest is really exciting. It points out even if he dies his clan will still carry on his dream, so fuck you PCs if you try and change the plot.

He's cunning and smart and will totally backstab anybody, he doesn't care. He's not afraid to run away and people are totally loyal to him so even if he fucks up they're still love him. Oh, and he goes around all the time with a bunch of high-level NPCs that are named and leveled but not detailed. Then it's time for stats:

He's a "11th level Atlantean Alchemist" which is a special class only he gets that makes him a 11th level assassin (we have no rules for those), a 6th level scientist, a 5th level ley line walker, a 2nd level techno-wizard, and a 2nd level stone master. Yep, in a game that maxes out at 15th level, he gets 26 levels of classes. It notes his "skill only advance as Alchemist, all others are permanently frozen at the level listed." We have no goddamn idea which of his skills are "Alchemist" skills. Oh, and he gets a Horror Factor of 11. Why? Because. That is why.

It ends by letting us know we can't play an Alchemist! Good to know! You wouldn't want the PCs showing up your Mary Sue McSnowflake.

Other Minions

It mentions that there are the Maxi-Men and Tattooed Men that serve the Splugorth, who will be in the Tattoo Magic section. It refers us to Rifts® Conversion Book for Gargoyles, and notes there are other evil monsters that ally themselves with the Splugorth too.

Splugorth Witch

If you have the Rifts® Conversion Book again, it tells us you can play a witch empowered by the Splugorth, who only take major pacts (the pacts that really suck). Oh, in case you've forgotten...




Anyway, it points out the Splugorth can make these anywhere. Also, they get 100-600k credits as slaves. Even though they're already slaves, due to being witches. Is that double slavery?

We get some XP tables! Some make sense. Others... we get an Ancient Dragon XP table that starts at 13th level and goes to 26th level. Does that mean hatchlings can become adults at 13th level? But hatchlings already have rules for leveling to 15th level...

There's a XP table for the Sunaj Assassin and Splugorth Slaver, even though they aren't supposed to be PCs. It also notes the "Chaing-Ku" level as per dragons, even though they don't get rules for them in this book. They're super-special dragons that made the magic tattoos, and we get rules for them in Rifts® England .

Next: Slaves of the Splugorth! Big slaves! Little slaves! Slaves that look like penii! It's all here!

_{You're not supposed to play the Sunaj! That's why they get full O.C.C. details and rules as to what classes they can take! Thanks, Rifts® !}

A horrible fate for a gentle race of sentient beings.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

The Splugorth's descendants are going to get so much guilt over this.

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 10: "A horrible fate for a gentle race of sentient beings."

Splugorth Slave Stock

It notes that there are a bunch of slaves from the Conversion Book and other Palladium games that aren't specified here, or the GM can make up his own, and that humans, D-Bees, and Tattooed Men are often enslaved as well.

Anyway, on to the slaves!

Adarok
The Flying Mountain

They're 40' demon-looking slices of mountain! But they're really just gentle giants who mostly eat vegetables (and occasional meat). But when they do get angry, they totally hulk out and break a lot of shit, because they're super powerful.


_{"Just leave Hulk alone!"}

They have few enemies, but the Splugorth will enslave them because hey, who doesn't love some hulks? People often hate them because they're ugly and it's super-sad, but they're used to it. Once again, like a hulk.

Anyway, they're an optional PC! Statblock time.

They're dumb and ugly but ridiculously strong (they get 3d6+42 strength). They're totally impervious to cold and fire, do lots of damage in melee, are really tough M.D.C. (1d4 x 100 + 400), get some minor sensitive psionics, and minor earth elemental magic. They get few skills. Also, they get a -6 to dodge even though most creatures and robots their size have no penalty.

Dragonsaurus
Animal Predator

They're basically dragon-dogs, like one seen on the cover. It notes players can get one as a pet. They're animal-dumb but generally competent physically, and also have a Affinity and Beauty of 3d6+6, so they're pretty and charming, too. Fucking dragon-puppies. They're minor M.D.C. creatures and lay eggs and ho hum boring.


_{This critter has the same Beauty rating as a nymph.}

Erta
Humanoid Predator

These are serpent-like creatures with four arms (humanoid, huh?) that can move through rock like water. The Splugorth use them to create tunnels and stuff, and generally the Splugorth have to implant an "enslaver" in their head to keep them from just floating way through a mountain. Still, some have escaped to Atlantis wilderness and into eastern Europe.

Oh, and they're sadistic and cruel! Just in case you were wondering, I feel like I should have a shorthand for that description.

You can play one if you must. It says they are an "optional player character" and then later says "Not recommended as a player character."

They're dumb and not at all charming, but get to be physically strong and are moderate M.D.C. critters. But they have a Beauty of 3d6, so they can be as pretty as any human. They look like this!


_{Popped out of a rift or off a heavy metal album cover, you choose.}

Oh, and they get the basic powers of a stone master, even though we don't know what those are yet. They get some middling skills and we're moving on.

The Eyes of Eylor
Eylor The Planet Being


_{Eylor? It's like there's a pun... I don't get it.}

There's a giant Jupiter-sized planet covered in eyes which is a big mystery. It's alive and the Splugorth tear out its eyes to use in their technology. Seemingly Eylor is cool with this. The Splugorth keep it a big secret as to where it's located.

We get some stats for the eyeballs. They remember whatever they see, get some M.D.C., regenerate, have a horror factor, super-sight (of course), and can be programmed to cast spells and have telepathy psionics can use to command and program them. Apparently they're worth 100 million apiece even though thugs like the Overlords and Slavers seem to each get one if not multiple devices that use them.

Hawrk-duhk R.C.C.
a.k.a. Duck-bill D-Bees

They're peaceful, flightless duck people, and so the Splugorth capture them because it's like hunting dodos. Oh, and magic washes off them like water off a duck's ass.


_{Trapped in a world he never made!}

Their attributes are better than humans in just about every way except they have the Affinity and Beauty of a warm, fragrant turd. They can swim really well, hold their breath, get some sensitive and healing psionics. They get crummy skills and are middling M.D.C. creatures.

To recap: they're duck-people who are entirely immune to magic .

Hawrk-ka R.C.C.
Humanoid Predator

These are like the Hawrk-duhk, only they're... hawks! They're hunters and the Splugorth capture them to use as would-be falcons, basically. Loners, they're basically savage assholes.


_{"I can't take my eyes off my crotch!"}

They have average M.D.C., they're kind of dumb and not at all charming, but unlike the Duhks they get to be pretty and are generally stronger and tougher. THey get a horror factor of 13 and some average M.D.C. combat, crappy skills and some sensitive psionic powers.

Oh, and they're totally immune to magic.

Hawrk-ohl R.C.C.
Humanoid Predator

These are like the Hawrk-ka, only... well. I'll let you work out what you're supposed to be. They're powerful and dumb and hunt in flocks, and are basically big macho bird-bullies.


_{Also known for their general incredulity.}

They're a bit dim but are crazy strong and - unlike the others - both charming and pretty, at least as much as a human. They can't fly and have a Horror Factor of 13. They love to jump out of trees onto shit. Those must be big trees, because they're 700 pounds and 10' tall. Crappy skills etc.

Oh, and immune to magic, and since I forgot to mention, all the bird people can see invisible stuff, because.

Shaydor Spherians
Stilt-People

They're... gentle and quiet and it's so sad the Splugorth enslaved them, etc., fuck it, I'm already calloused up and can't care anymore. The Kydians conquered their world because it's full of shiny minerals. Some are slaves, others escaped to other worlds to adventure !


_{Jeez, put some pants on your bulbs, don't just let 'em hang out!}

People hate them because they look weird and it is sad.

They're smart and strong-willed, but kind of weak and clumsy. They're minor M.D.C. creatures, get a horror factor of 12, um, minor M.D.C. damage, but mostly get psionic powers. They're actually psionic powerhouses and have several packages to choose from. They get a decent spread of skills. They eat juice and fruit with their beak like hummingbirds.

Shaydorian Intel
Stilt-People

They looks like bugs, but are really mammals. Some are slaves, some escaped their world, some team up with the True Atlanteans, whatever.


_{"Man, how do I pick anything up off the ground?"}

They're not as psionic as the Spherians but have a high degree of mental resistance, because the two races were rivals, but they didn't war or anything.

Anyway, they get to be a little stronger than the Spherians, but are still wimpy. They get really high willpower, however. They're mostly telemechanics, get average skills, low M.D.C., etc.

Yll-Tree Climber
Animal Predator

Their world is apparently filled with giant trees, which is good, because they're 350-500 lbs. They're basically giant lizard-monkey things and are used as pets sometimes. They like to pounce on things from trees, and have mating rituals where they ram their bony heads against each other.


_{I guess that makes it a butthead.}

They're no good as riding animals because they leap around and have spikes on their back. The Splugorth often sell them as "dragon killers" even though an adult dragon would murder them in the span of Bambi vs. Godzilla.

Anyway, they're animal dumb and physically mighty, have strong M.D.C., and are solid M.D.C. combatants. They can run through trees or across mountains super-fast.

Yazhing Multipede
Animal Predator

It's a giant centipede that are basically roaches to the Splugorth and infest their cites. They usually 3'-6' but can grow to 15'-30' where they'll attack humanoids and animals. They've got passable M.D.C. and are middling combatants, ho-hum.


_{"Carrion crawler? Never heard of 'em."}

Zembahk R.C.C.
Mystic Worms

They're ugly worms, but are really peaceful people who live in harmony with nature. So the Splugorth cpature them and lobotomize them to use them in magic devices. They even have basically used entire worlds as preserves for the Zembahk so they can continue to use them.

It's super-sad.

But the Splugorth generally keep them from escaping. They're kind of dumb but are mighty psychics. Oh, and it goes on how about they love nature and art, they love to make people happy comfortable, they're innocent and naive and childlike...

... ugh, let's go on to stats.

They're ugly wimps with super-willpower and super-charisma. They're minor M.D.C. creatures, and can't really fight normally, but they get all spells from levels 1-5, and higher level spells as they level up. They also get potent mentalist powers and can generate a psi-sword from their tails. They get some wilderness and artsy skills, and are sensitive to magic and stuff.

Also they look like fat penises.


_{It just pees psychic might.}

occamsnailfile: Zembahk and Geoduck, a love story.

Next: Magic tattoos - symbols of oppression, or crap they got out of a toy dispenser for a quarter?

_{Atlantis will rise again.}

Most buyers view them in much the same way as humans once viewed pit bulls, Doberman pinschers and other varieties of attack dogs, as being powerful, cunning, mean and extremely dangerous — that's what they are paying for, so they will take the risk.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

Rifts Logic: Tattoos? Rad. Magic Tattoos? Double Rad.

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 11: "Most buyers view them in much the same way as humans once viewed pit bulls, Doberman pinschers and other varieties of attack dogs, as being powerful, cunning, mean and extremely dangerous — that's what they are paying for, so they will take the risk."

Tattoo Magic
Inspired from ideas by Alex Marciniszyn

Alex is credited as an editor, and is a regular at Palladium Books® . Don't know much else about him.

Anyway, the Splugorth have a lot of odd magic. Tattoo Magic is one of them. It was used by he Atlanteans, but they learned it from the Chiang-Ku, a breed of dragons who created it. The Chiang-Ku are believed to be extinct.

Ha ha yeah that's why they got an XP table, nice try, Rifts.

Anyway they really work well on humans, and this may mean the magic originates on Earth.

The Minions of Splugorth

Anyway, humans are easy to get and are considered expendable, so they get the tattoos from the Spluggies, which make them into superhuman warrior slaves. The average gets 12-24 tattoos, but the "elite Maxi-Men" get 18-48 tattoos. And the use them as thugs.

But humans are rebellious jerks; only Maxi-men seem to be loyal. Sometimes they rebel, or just flip out and kill a bunch of shit. Most are just bitches of the Splugorth. Some try and run away, and become mountain men or hobos.

Apparently being a dangerous, unpredictable crazy fuck is a selling point amongst monsters. So they get a high price between 100,000-300,000 credits. "Most are males, because they are physically more imposing, even though the female T-Man will often have a bit higher amount of P.P.E."

"Female T-Man", huh.

So I guess they use credits here? I just want to point out that five books and about 900 pages of material in, we still don't know who issues credits, what a credit looks like, why an alien empire and an anti-alien city-state alike would take them...

... fucking world-building. Look it up.

occamsnailfile: looking forward to Rifts: Zurich, and the Gnome RCC

Anyway, Maxi-Men get 3 to 40 million credits.

Some Tattooed Men are evil and like working for the Splugorthians. Some work as spies and instigators, which seems odd because they're literally marked with at least a dozen magic tattoos that could reveal their identity. And you can pick up creatures that can sense magic at the pet store (they're called dogs).

_{Rifts® , bad at espionage.}

Recieving Magic Tattoos

It hurts a lot to get magic tattoos, so they often do it to children and teenagers because they get hurt less. Of course, that'll get you fucked-up tattoos by the time they're adult, but who cares! Apparently Maxi-Men learn special meditation to deal with with the pain, but it doesn't reduce their penalties or have any mechanical effect, so fuck it.

Anyway, each one deals damage and takes days to recover from the pain, during which you get some nasty penalties. The stronger the tattoo, the worse the penalties. Elves have it even worse and can lose Intelligence and Beauty from it permanently. Why?

Activation of the Tattoos

You touch that tattoo and then feed P.P.E. into it to power it up. So think twice before you put it on your butt or the small of your back. I... wait. Aren't you always touching your tattoos, by definition?

occamsnailfile: Aside from how all the tattoos in the book look like temporary things you’d get out of a vending machine, Maxi-men (worst name) with like 40 tattoos are going to look really itchy when they try to activate them all in combat.


_{I'm going to let this shit speak for itself.}

If an creature created by a tattoo is destroyed, it can hurt the tattooed man to the tune of 3d6 or 5d6 damage direct to hit points. So! If you can go for any animals they create, you can kill them by proxy.

Oh, and you can get tattoos even if you don't have the Tattooed Man, it just costs twice as much to activate them. Why? Because! That is why!

Limitations
No other forms of magic - tattoos only

Tattoo Men can't syphon P.P.E. like other magic users, and can't cast spells. Apparently if you have more than six tattoos, a wizard's powers go away forever. You can't just use regular tattoo removal, the tattoo comes back when it heals. You have to remove the body part with the tattoo. A wizard that gets de-wizarded in this way has to start over as a Tattooed Man, just like if you get Borged mid-game.

They detail that only humans, true atlanteans, ogres, elves, and chiang-ku can use magic tattoos. Otherwise the process just gives regular tattoos.

Who holds the secret knowledge

These people know how to make magic tattoos: Splugorth, Splugorth High Lords, True Atlantean alchemists (that broken NPC class that's not detailed), and the Chiang-Ku. In short, stuff you can't play. And it notes it's super-secret and no player should get access to them because... I dunno?

No identical tattoos on the same person

Only one tattoo of each type per person.

The Variety of Tattooed Men

It notes there are different types, like Maxi-men, Undead Slayers, etc. The variety is "astonishing". Mmmhm.

Others who use tattoos but are not T-Men

It notes True Atlanteans have the "Marks of Heritage", the rare cyber-knight gets them from the Atlanteans, but most get them come from the Splugorth.

Descriptions of Magic Tattoos

There are five types: simple weapons, magic weapons, animals, monsters, and powers!

Tattoos: Simple Weapons

You can make mundane weapons with these! It refers us to the Palladium Compendium of Weapons, Armor & Castles for 700 weapons, 40 types of armor and castles.

Except, they're the S.D.C. kind, so you can't hurt 98% of your foes in this setting, and 98% of your foes will tear through any armor like that like crepe paper.

So, congrats! You just donated money to the Palladium Books "shameless plug" fund! At least you're not one of the poor characters saddled with one of these tattoos. (Which, should be pointed out, can't even hurt your fellow T-Men.)

Tattoos: Magic Weapons

There, these are probably useful. Like, "Two Weapons Crossed", I bet that gives you two rad mega-damage-

S.D.C.? It gives a S.D.C. weapon with a bonus to hit?

Now, "Weapon Dripping Blood", I bet that gives rad mega-damage... no? Only double S.D.C. damage? What the fuck?

"Weapon Covered in Flames", psh, I know what to expect now... wait! It does mega-damage!

The rest of the weapon tattoos are pretty rad, but it was rough going there.

Tattoos: Animals

You can create magic animals and control them! It notes you can get Monsters & Animals for Palladium RPG if you're really dedicated, but they give basic writeups for animals.

Which is to say, creatures that are S.D.C. That do 3d6 damage straight to your H.P. if they die. Bear in mind the average PC will have like 10-40 H.P., so... these things are not only vulnerable to just about the slightest poke by most Rifts creatures, they can get you killed.

Yyyeah. These are some pretty lousy tattoos. We get a page and a half of animal stats, and then can get on with our lives.

Tattoos: Monsters

This lets you summon dumb monsters. Only dumb ones! Nothing intelligent like dragons. Just stuff like harpies, worms of Taut, chimeras, etc. However, when they die, you lose 5d6 H.P.

So that guy in the illustration last chapter? If you kill the three critters he summoned, he'll lose 15d6 H.P., enough to kill just about any normal human below 10th Level or so. Unlike the animals, these things are pretty useful, so I can see summoning one at a time or so. Oh, in case you're wondering, you can't cancel or unsummon monsters, so no pulling your monster out of the fire - you have to wait for its duration to run out.

True to form, it refers us to another book for more information on monsters! This time it tells us to go to the Rifts Conversion Book. Uh, you do have a copy, right?

Tattoos: Power

These give you magic powers! It notes you can only keep six tats activated at once. Anyway. Here are some of the highlights:

• Eye With Tears: Gives you empathic powers. Yes, it literally makes you emo.
  
• Heart with Tiny Wings: Lets you run around really fast, because... I dunno.
  
• Heart with Big Wings: Lets you fly around! Pretty adorable for something a horrible multidimensional abomination puts on you.
  
• Skull with Bat Wings: You can animate the dead! Just like a bat-skull!
  

Time for tattoo.c.c.s! See what I did there? Huh?

Tattooed Men O.C.C.

Warrior Slave

Yay, you're probably a slave of the Splugorth who has been abused and brainwashed! You're probably insane (70% it says, as if there was a study done). Most (95%, it says) are hot tempered and have anger issues. 25% of them will commit suicide or virtual suicide (by punching a dragon or whatever).

_{Useless T-Men Statistics: 3}

"Human Females tend to have a greater aptitude for magic, tend to be more submissive than males..."



So yeah, Splugorth and monsters are basically all sexists. Oh, and Kevin, too. Even though creatures like the Splugorth, High Lords, or metztla seemingly have no sex, or you have powerful creatures like dragons or gargoyles where the women can throw buildings. But apparently dudes impress them more, only 25% of Tattooed Men and 15% of the human Maxi-men are female.

_{Useless T-Men Statistics: 5}

And they also use ogres, but most of them are raised as slaves, since unbroken "wild" ogres are a pain in the ass, I imagine they just shit wherever they like. So 70% of them are "domestic" ogres.

_{Useless T-Men Statistics: 6}

Also it give use the breakdown of T-Men: 58% human males, 25% human females, 5% ogre males, 8% elf males, and 4% elf females.

But - hold on a minute - didn't they just say that 15% of T-Men are human females? And that 25% of T-Men overall were female?

What do the editors at Palladium do? Who the hell edited this? Let's see, we have three editors credited: Alex Marciniszyn, James A. Osten, and Thomas Bartold.

Three editors and you can't even make sure the numbers on one page match up with the same numbers on the same page.

_{Useless T-Men Statistics: 11}

So, now we get some actual stats: They get to be minor M.D.C. creatures and they get P.P.E. added by each tat. Women, due to having a never-before mentioned talent for magic (that I'm not sure ever is referenced again, either...), get more M.D.C. and more P.P.E., but still aren't used as often. Though it mentioned most of them are crazy, they get bonuses against Horror Factor and on their willpower in general, in addition to some lame bonuses to physical attributes.

Oh, and 55% of them are simple farmers and vagabonds before being enslaved!

_{Useless T-Men Statistics: 12}

They get some generic skills, and also get 2 tattoos from each category. Yes, even the fucking useless ones. And then you get to choose any two others you like. It mentions if you're an escaped slave, the GM may want to let you start out with up to six extra tattoos, since you're not likely to get any more from your Splugorth bosses.

And then you roll for two insanities. It's possible to roll no insanity, but it's pretty unlikely (about 9%, that's just my statistic, not theirs).

T-Monster Men O.C.C.
A subclass of the Tattooed Man Warrior Slave.

Anyway, these are like tattooed men, only they focus on summoning monsters! Ogres love summoning monsters! We get a breakdown again. These are 54% human males, 10% human females, 26% ogre males, 8% elf males, or 2% elf females.


<sub>Reused art! Last time it was used for a demon.

Useless T-Men Statistics: 17</sub>

Even though the women are more powerful, statistically speaking. Anyway, TM-Men get to activate monster tattoos. The price? Well, they get their power tattoos chosen for them, only one simple weapon, and... two more monster tattoos and one more animal tattoos.

So they're pretty much just plain better. Except they roll an extra time for insanity.

Personally, I suggest creating one of these, but only dinosaur tattoos. The T-Dinosaur Man!

Speaking of just plain better...

Maxi-Man O.C.C.

The Elite Tattooed Man

These are trained from an early age and actually can get rank in the Splugorthian empire. A lot of them are indoctrinated tools, and usually only rebel after a lot of abuse. Often minor rebellions are overlooked, but otherwise they might get subjected to horrible punishments.

Apparently they hate armor because they're dumb and cocky, and often like to appear helpless. Which I'm sure works in Atlantis, where everybody knows about magic tattoos. "Oh, please don't hurt me!" "I wasn't, you'll summon like a hundred worms of taut, I'm outta here!" "Awww... every time!"

Statistics! Of them, 62% are human males, 15% are human females, 15% are ogre males, 3% are ogre females, 3% are elf males, and 2% are elf females.

_{Useless T-Men Statistics: 22}

They're like Tattooed Men, only they get more skills, two more power tattoos, and four more tattoos overall.

Oh, and as a bonus fuck-you to Tattooed Men, they only have to roll for insanity once .

_{Total Useless T-Men Statistics: 22}

Undead Slayers O.C.C.

These folks are vampire and Splugorth-slaying knights, they're Atlantean, and... we don't get much else on them. On to the numbers!


_{I usually skip all this reused art, but I'm giving you the full shameless Rifts® experience today!}

They get all the Atlantean powers, middling skills with a solid combat layout, and 18 tattoos, most of which are fixed power tattoos, and they get the great Atlantean attributes, and they get get more M.D.C. and P.P.E., and they don't have to be insane.

Ha ha, double fucks off, Tattooed Man O.C.C.!

Why not introduce a class and then immediately shit out three classes that are better? That, folks, is verisimilitude . Rifts® doesn’t need power creep. It power walks over the space of eight pages, providing increasingly powerful variants of the same class in the same book.

Next: Stone Masters! Masters of New Age crystal talismans and pyramid power! It's the goddamn Age of Aquarius (with rail guns!).

_{Yes, that's right. The evil tentacled horrors of the Splugorth use Pyramidology . Their razor blades never go dull.}

To a stone master, a sculpture of a Splugorth is as beautiful as the sculpture of a woman.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

Petraphilia?

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 12: "To a stone master, a sculpture of a Splugorth is as beautiful as the sculpture of a woman."

Stone Magic & The Stone Masters O.C.C.

Steve Sheiring, occasional traitor, pitches in on this one again. It starts out by mentioning any any race can become a Stone Master, but only Atlanteans, Splugorth, and Chiang-Ku are familiar with it.

Fucking Chiang-Ku, they know everything but we don't know shit about them.

Atlantean Architects and Sorcerers

So they can mess around with rocks, shape them, lift them, etc. For those dreaming of playing earthbenders from a certain series of silly cartoons, all of the powers here are super-slow, so it'd be like earthbending in comical, useless slo-mo. They're linked with the Earth itself, unlike warlocks (remember them?). They can make magic pyramids and get magic powers by sucking them out of gems. Did you know gems had magic powers in them? You do now!

occamsnailfile: new age crystals + rockbiter

Anyway, they get a bunch of skills, and then-

The Powers & Magic of the Stone Masters

The Atlantean set of benefits and powers gets repeated for a third time here, in case you missed it under the Atlantean section and the Undead Slayer section! You still have to refer back to the Atlantean section for full details, though, so it's literally wasted space.

Stone Magic

Anyway, these Stone Wizards can:

• Mold and push stone with your hands as if it were clay.
  
• Pick up rocks like a Hulk (but only rocks).
  
• Levitate and mentally move rocks around realll slowww. Not useful for attacks, but it does have rules for dropping rocks on people.
  
• Sense water like a dowsin' fool.
  
• Sense supernatural beings under the earth.
  
• Detect secret passages if uh, the secret passage was made out of rock.
  

occamsnailfile: is there like an ongoing problem with menacing megamoles hiding underground that this is an ability that requires delineation? the ‘devil diggers’ from Conversion were just animals after all

It mentions "ghouls, nymphs, and elementals", but none of those would actually seem to make a habit of being underground. To be super-fair, wild vampires like sleeping in graves, so there's that.


_{A ponytail doesn't make you unbald, FYI.}

Gem Powers

You can mentally shape gems! This is useful for making them more valuable. What's actually more useful is-

Drawing Power from Stones

Okay, you can get psionic and magic power effects by drawing them from gems, but only a certain amount of times before it crumbles to dust. Basically, like a very expensive wand or scroll. The gem has to be cut properly, but since you just got a power for that, it shouldn't be a problem.

I won't go over the power list because it's boring, there's no particular theme, red rubies throw fire balls, topaz negates poison, aquamarine lets you swim as fish, etc., yawn.

You can also use gems to store P.P.E. but then you can't use them for powers.

Oh, and it notes you can't use man-made gems, because! That is why.

Pyramid Technology

Damn, this class is loaded with features. So, this lets you gain powers out of a properly built pyramid at a ley line nexus (only one per nexus). Like:

• Slow aging, basically it adds to your lifespan if you hang out in a pyramid. This works for any creature. It also multiplies the healing rate of anybody hanging out in one.
  
• Stasis sleep, you can basically go sleeping beauty and survive hundreds or maybe thousands of years in a pyramid if you like.
  
• The pyramid keeps people from drawing P.P.E. outside the pyramid and the pyramid becomes M.D.C. magically.
  
• It reduces ley line storms and rift openings on the line or nexus. Also, Stone Masters can try and stop them or redirect when they do happen.
  
• Boosts stone magic power, multiplying the amount you can for effects.
  
• The pyramid becomes a battery of P.P.E. wizards can draw on.
  
• Stone masters can control weather around the pyramid.
  
• Pyramid communication - you can sent messages to other pyramids.
  
• Pyramid teleportation, where you can teleport to other pyramids, even in other dimensions, or even open rifts to other dimensions.
  

Fuck! This book loves stone masters. Think they get enough new agey crystal pyramid power shit? It's amusing in a dark, grim, monster-filled land, we have all this magic based around literal new age occultism tropes.

occamsnailfile: how exciting, a whole class based around hanging out in a magic pyramid and sleeping.

It's like the Magic Mason O.C.C., complete with nonsense occultism regarding Egypt!

Next: Bio-Wizardry! We don't get a bio-wizard O.C.C., so as who whoever does this! A super-Rifts®-mystery!

_{All this pyramid shit really falls down when you realize most of the powers require you to regularly hang out inside the pyramid, and the Egyptian pyramids were sealed tombs .}

Bio-wizardry is the magic (a science?) of enslavement (the Splugorth's specialty) and genetic manipulation. It is frequently used to augment, transform, deform, mutilate, and enslave.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

The difference between Bio-Wizardry and Biomancy ends up being very important.

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 13: "Bio-wizardry is the magic (a science?) of enslavement (the Splugorth's specialty) and genetic manipulation. It is frequently used to augment, transform, deform, mutilate, and enslave."

Bio-Wizardry

I guess he's terrified kids will try and attach guinea pigs to their body with duct tape, or something...?

Anyway, apparently rune magic is just an offshoot of bio-wizardry? What is rune magic?

Bio-wizardry uses the life-force of living beings. Uh-oh! It points out it's not like necromancy, since it might use body components, but it's all about augmenting the living, not reanimation of the dead. It uses parasite and "symbionts" to augment living beings or produce magical effects.

Oh, and earlier in the book there was "Bio-wizard" O.C.C. hinted. There's no such thing in the book. Who actually creates these effects and how they create them is entirely handwaved.


_{"Hey, I'm a Bio-Wizard, and- I'm not in this book? Dammit! I put on my finest Mœbius hood, too!"}

The availability of Bio-wizardry

This magic is quite common in Atlantis, and can be readily found for sale. However, outsiders often get cheated and disfigured, crippled, or otherwise debilitated. (This means PCs.) It is a laff for them to do stuff like this. They are trolling your genes, basically.

In addition to augmentation, it's also used to enslave! Some augmentations they use also slowly kill the user, but they don't really care. It reiterates that the Splugorth may act nice to buyers, and they're liable to fuck you over. Oh, and only they have Bio-Wizardry.

Basically, it seems like it's going on and on about this becauuuse... it wants to slap this shit out of powergamers' hands preemptively. But it makes you wonder how they can market it at all, given their tendency to basically fuck over their customers on a whim.

Bio-Wizard Transmutation, Augmentation and Reconstruction

It says bio-wizardry can basically make "bio-borgs", like the Conservator or Powerlord. I'm not sure that word makes any sense but you can roll with it.

Magic Transmutation

Bio-wizardry can be used to enhance characters, but it points out there's a random mutation table you have to roll on for every enhancement above six. Also, there's a 50% chance of death after every one done above six. Yay, death by capricious, arbitrary saving throw!

Anyway, you have to be put in a goo vat for three days for each transmutation done. If you're pulled out you become a hideous mutant and have to roll for mutation three times. Sometimes the Splugorth do this on purpose because they're basically geneticist trolls.

Transmutation Mutant Table

Highlights include:

• Hulking out.
  
• Turning into a grey.
  
• Getting three fingers and toes and a horsey face.
  

So after all these warning and caveats, can anything good come out of this? Well, yeah. Here's where we get into the rad awesome stuff Bio-Wizardry can give you.

• Enhanced strength, prowess, endurance, beauty, or give supernatural strength.
  
• It can give you extra S.D.C. or make you into an M.D.C. creature.
  
• Let you survive in a hazardous environment, but it requires you to be constantly bathed in green slime only they can provide. (Why not just wear a protective suit, at that rate...?)
  
• Wounds and be healed and organs or limbs can be entirely replaced.
  
• Oh, and it can be used to torture, deform, or cripple... of course, you can do that all without secret alien magic, but I guess the Splugorth like to be fancy about it.
  

Bio-Wizard Reconstruction
The Bio-Borg

This is how you replace body parts or add body parts, like, if you want a baby chicken attached to your skull. I don't know what sicko out would think of that that but you could have it done.

_{Get a whole fucking brood of baby ducks on your scalp.}

Anyway, the Splugorth being who they are, they instead generally attach tentacles, extra arms, spider legs, wings, etc. By adding in transmutation, parasites, or symbiotes, they can make people into freak-weapons.

Appendages, Powers, and Weapons

Highlight reel!

• Crab claws! Impractical, but good for dragging other assholes down into the bucket.
  
• Spider Legs! You're still a wannabe to all the driders out there, though.
  
• Spikes! On your elbow! On your knee! On your knuckles! Everything you need to accidentally impale yourself on.
  
• Spike - Tail! "A prehensile tail that has a bony spike at its tip. The tail can be used the same way that a monkey uses his tail, to pick up or grasp items, for climbing, and, unlike a monkey, to attack." Remember when I quoted this before? Well, like Siembieda, I'm just reprinting it again. (A lot of this section is cribbed or slightly modified from the existing cyborg rules.)
  
• Eyes of Eylor! Remember these? They can jam one right in your head, for crazy vision powers.
  

Microbes and Micro-Parasites

In other words, bacteria and viruses. Only these do special things!

• Aerobes: Helps you breath better and filter gases for a day.
  
• Aquarobes: You can breathe water for 8 hours!
  
• Clotrobes: Stops bleeding for six hours.
  
• Dehibicila: It makes humans and d-bees sick and sleepy!
  
• Dragoncila: This makes dragons really sick and sleepy, and keeps them from shapeshifting or using their breath weapon.
  

Styphathal: So, uh, Splynncryth-
Splynncryth: What up?
Styphathal: I wanted to talk to you about this thing in your bio-wizard catalog this year. Dragoncilia?
Splynncryth: Oh, that was a typo.
Styphathal: I bought some to see if it's real, pretty expensive at 200,000 credits. I got really sick for three days.
Splynncryth: Oh, uh. You're not supposed to take it. That's what it does. Makes dragons sick.
Styphathal: I thought you said it was a typo?
Splynncryth: It was supposed to be 2 million credits.
Styphathal: Well, anyway, I'm kind of disturbed you've developed an airborne disease that really fucks dragons over. And sell it on the open market.
Splynncryth: Well, you only use it on good dragons!
Styphathal: It works on evil dragons!
Splynncryth: And you're sure you haven't had any... benevolent thoughts lately?
Styphathal: Are you kidding me, dude, I ate like a hundred elf babies when I was sick to try and feel better.
Splynncryth: Okay, fine, I developed a disease to murder dragons, and I sell it! What do you expect! I'm needlessly evil!
Styphathal: Well... as long as it's evil... I guess it's okay...
Splynncryth: We bros?
Styphathal: If it's evil, I guess it's alright. It's all about the evil.

• Plastirobes: It eats plastic for a few hours! Even works on the Plastic-Man armor.
  
• Purirobes: It neutralizes poisons and makes you immune to poisons for a few hours.
  
• Stasirobes: This puts a human or D-Bee in a healing sleep for 6 hours. (There is no saving throw.)
  
• Transfortifiers: Turns your skin into a thick, calloused mess, makes you M.D.C., and gives you super-strength. But you get slower and heavier over time, and die a little over two decades after infection.
  
• Watrobes: Put these in water to purify it.
  

Parasites (large)

These are living organisms that can give you powers and benefits!... but they feed on you can can eventually cause permanent damage or death. Some people become parasite addicts. Surgery can be used to remove them, but... if they're attached to the brain, there's a special table for that.
Regardless of the physician's skill, there's an 50% chance of brain damage and an eighty percent damage of insanity! And you automatically have horrible scars that reduce your Beauty. And there's another damage for all other parasites, which give a 65% damage of permanent physical damage, and a 5% chance of insanity when removed!

Now that they've made them so tempting, let's find out what they do.

• Brain Feeder: This is a beetle you put in your skull! It starts eating your brain but makes secretions that feel real good and make you more psychically powerful. But over time it lobotomizes you and then kills you over the space of months. Oh, you can remove it, but then you get to roll for dain bramage.
  
• Lobee-optos: This looks like a worm attached to an eye, and it burrows into your forehead! Whee! It adds psionic power and a little bit of magic power, but makes you tire more quickly, and you get a lot of headaches because you have a worm impaling your brain. Fun times.
  
• Mystic Leech: It's a leech that hooks in and sucks out P.P.E. (or a little I.S.P.). It needs surgery to pull it off safely, trying to just kill it causes it to explode magically for 3d6 Mega-Damage.
  
  _{But where's the Mystic Leech R.C.C.?}
  
• Oplos: It's a maggot you put in your eyes! It helps you see better in a wider range of colors along with a number of enhancements. Over months and years, though, you start to get upset because something is crawling around in your eyes, and probably go crazy, gouge your eyes out, or both.
  
• Heart Worms: They're worms that go in your heart, and make you stronger and tougher! And they eat your heart in two to five years, hurray.
  
• Brain Mind Slug: It is a slug you put on somebody's temple, and then you obey whoever you see after receiving the mind slug, as well as penalties against mind control.
  
• Zombitron: These are small little spiky balls that roll onto you and attach to your head or spine, and turn you into a mindless, obedient zombie! Multiple critters can attach to make it harder to resist.
  

I don't want any of those!

Symbiotic Organism

Anyway, these are creatures that attach to you and provide benefits!... and generally look freaky, but there are benefits nonetheless. Let's see what they do!

• Absurr Life Node: This creatures is like a tiny armadillo with a long tail, it attaches like a little lump to the neck. It only hooks up with is content. It makes people into M.D.C. creatures, long-lived and tough, and gives a sixth-sense by reading people empathically.
  
• Chest Amalgamate - a.k.a. Chest Thing: This is a crab-thing that hooks onto your chest and makes you an M.D.C. creature, and can give you a big adrenaline boost. However, it has a big poisonous tentacle-jaw thing with a bit of a mind of its own. It requires blood every so often, and "it's hard to get girls with a monster in your chest".
  
  _{"And now to reveal my superhero alter ego!... what's everybody freaking out about...?"}
  
• Elom: There's is a lumpy thing that attaches to the back of the neck and gives electromagnetic powers. It can create a force field, zap people (the user gets warning, but it does it on its own), and makes you immune to electricity.
  
• Mindlink: This is a little kidney-shaped thing you have to implant in the brain, and can be programmed to let you telepathically communicate with certain people or races. They often program it to let them read your brain, too.
  
• Pathic Healer: It looks like a red and blue spider -man , and its temporarily attached so it can heal you psychically. It's also smart and can telepathically transmit information about injuries to a doctor.
  
• Talo Mind Worms: These are worms that burrow into your scalp that give some defensive minor psychic powers and some save bonuses. You can drive them out of your head by thinking about sad stuff all the time, though.
  

Bio-Wizard Weapons

Yay! Another list! Another list of stuff !

• Psi-Interrogrator: Need another way to torture somebody, here you go. This is a pod that opens up to reveal four tentacles that can attack somebody by poking them with the tentacles, and gives the user a number of psychic powers that can be used.
  
  _{I call it the "Splugorthian tickler".}
  
• Psionic Rod or Scepter: Guh, pick one name and go with it. Anyway, this is a stick with a lobotomized Zembahk in a bubble, and gives access to some basic psychic powers like telepathy and telekinesis.
  
  _{These magic items were inspired after one too many bottles of tequila.}
  
• Staff of Pacification: This is a staff with a Zembahk in it, like on the cover. It fires a bunch of status effect spells, like blind, magic net, or befuddle.
  
• Staff of Power: This uses two Zembahk, clearly adding to its radness. It lets you do a lot of wizardly stuff like calling lightning down, negating magic, making portals, etc.
  
• Staff of Eylor: Already detailed in the Rifts® Sourcebook , I'm leaving it at that.
  
• Staff of All-Seeing: Zembahk in a bubble blah blah sensory spells like see aura, sense magic, eyes of thoth whatever that is, etc., etc.
  
• Telepathic Holographic Imager: Lets you project your thoughts as images. Endless embarrassing uses.
  
• Overlord Power Armor: As seen on the cover, it has 230 M.D.C. and a ridiculous amount of spells. It lets you fly, move super-fast, turn invisibility, super-charisma, speak all languages, see invisible stuff, and much more- it is Superman armor .
  
• The Eyes of Elyor: Repeated from the slave section, skip.
  
• Eylor Floating Eyes - Observation Spheres/Sensor Probes: Why the fuck does this have three names? Reprinted from Rifts® Sourcebook as well.
  
• Eylor Seeker-Hunter Eye: Anyway, this is a flying eye that's evil. No, seriously, they program it in. It also have a bunch of sensory, status effect, and attack spells and has a ridiculous 400 P.P.E.
  
• Eylor Slave Barge a.k.a. Slaver's Barge: Once again, same shit from Rifts® Sourcebook , now in a different book!
  

Symbiotic Weapon Modification

Oh, yes. If having your own lobotomized eye-penis weapon that practically has the powers of a whole class on its own wasn't enough, there's this! You stick an Eye of Eylor in a weapon and link it to the owner, and it can always teleport to the owner over 40 miles, hide in shadows, levitate around, and does extra damage and has unlimited ammo.

occamsnailfile: ah, this is why they’re worth a hundred million credits. take that, e-clip monopoly!

Oh, and we get one more Bio-Wizard item for the road.

• Eylor Helm of Omnipotence: It adds extra M.D.C., has either 1150 or 400 P.P.E. (it contradicts itself in the same paragraph), and lets you cast a wide variety of powerful spells, like teleportation, constrain being, fire ball, etc. It also has a horror factor of 16 because, uh, a big googly eye the size of your head on top of your head is scary?
  
  _{"I'm way scarier with this on? You're sure?"}
  

Next: Rune Magic! Get your Stormbringers! Get your Soul Edges right here! Only millions of credits! A terrific conversation piece when you ain't got nobody to talk to!

_{Warning: may contain evil.}

Even some deceptively simple or typical appearing rune weapons are soul drinkers.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

Time for a section that definitely epitomizes the power-gaming generosity / guilt push-pull of Rifts® .

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 14: "Even some deceptively simple or typical appearing rune weapons are soul drinkers."

Rune Magic

A variation on Bio-Wizardry
Exclusive to the Splugorth



This is already a lie. We've seen these in the Rifts® Conversion Book , so clearly somebody else cranks these out?

This is where you take a soul and stick into an inanimate object, making it indestructible and gives it power. The soul is trapped in a dimensional prison, and experiences time very slowly, so time passes for it very quickly. Generally the soul you use has to be magical and smart, so they use stuff like dragons and wizards. Apparently godlings, greater demons, greater elementals, etc., are required for the greatest items. But the object gets to be smart and can be mouthy to the user. It can't make them do anything or stop them from using its powers, though, so it's a bit of a paper tiger. However, you have to have the same alignment as the thing that was killed to use it.

Yeah, that means evil characters have to go out and kill other evil folks to make these! Sometimes the Splugorth like creating them out of good people for some scheme... which makes no sense, because then you just create a weapon that can only kill good guys, not seeing a circumstance you wouldn't just kill your good foe, instead.

But apparently the Old Ones (remember? from the conversion book?), who may be related to the Splugorth, created Rune Magic. Then dwarves had then but gave them up about 20 millennia ago.

So it was lies after all.

These are the biggest and most powerful magic items in the universe! And only the Splugorth and High Lords know how to make them, and they kill anybody that learns about it. They don't make these very often, don't really sell them openly, but when they do they lie about their age to hide the fact the know how to make rune weapons. Anyway, it's super-evil and corrupting magic, and it says only evil or anarchist characters would learn how to do it, good characters never would.

But what if the sacrifice of lifeforce is voluntary? What then? It doesn't talk about this, I'm just saying. Some good people try and hide them by hiding them or "throwing them into volcanoes". Ha ha, of course.

But some good characters might use them because a good weapon begs them to do so. Good weapons only want to be used for good. Evil weapons want to be used for evil, tho, etc.

Yes, yes, we wouldn't want players to threaten the Splugorth's special snowflake niche.

Rune Weapon

"What follows are some of the common and some not so common types of rune weapons found in the megaverse." Wait, I thought these were rarely? Anyway, generally you have to do evil things for the Spluggies to get these, though you can always just kill somebody that owns one, too. They're usually swords but sometimes they're other melee weapons.

Lesser Rune Weapons

These are the weak versions, they get:

• Intelligence that can communicate through telepathy.
  
• Are indestructible.
  
• Do no less than 4d6 Mega-Damage and can be used to parry energy blasts at -6.
  
• Link themselves after six months (!) of attunement, can sense each other over 4 miles.
  
• +1 to all saving throws.
  
• Can be used only by a user of the weapon's alignment, everybody else takes ouchies.
  

It points out rune weapons have to be made out of one piece of metal, and can't have any moving parts. Oh, and they cost 4-16 million credits. Is that worth it for a mouthy weapon that doesn't necessarily do more damage than a Coalition rifle?

Greater Rune Weapons

Anyway, these get all of the bonii above, and get one or two greater abilties from the below:

• Can cast elemental magic like a 6th level warlock.
  
• Can heal, remove curses, turn and command animated dead.
  
• Psionic powers, including three super psionic powers.
  

Of course, just hiring a wizard or a psychic would probably be cheaper than the 20-80 million credit asking price here.

Especially when some rune weapons are cursed. Knowing the Splugorth, those are definitely the ones they sell at 80 million.

The Soul Drinker
A greater rune weapon - typically a blade weapon

These are like greater rune weapons, but can eat 1d6 souls a day. If you get your blood drawn by these, you have to make a saving throw against soul drinking attack, 14 or higher. Did I mention nobody ever, ever, ever gets a bonus to this roll? Oh, and if you save, it does two to three times as much normal damage instead. Oh, and "Seventy percent of all rune weapons are the legendary [soul drinkers]." Whaaaaaat?

Anyway, 30 to 120 million credits, and for once, conceivably worth it for a weapon that basically breaks all the lethality rules.

Holy Weapons
A unique greater rune weapon specifically designed for the forces of light.

This a rune made by the forces of good to fight evil, using "magic arts lost eons ago". Apparently Thoth, special snowflake ex-Old One and overall rad nerd god, made a bunch of these. They have the following powers:

• Do a minimum of 2d6+6 Mega-Damage.
  
• Are indestructible, link with user, add to saves, and do damage to evil wielders, just like a rune weapons.
  

And they get four of the following powers:

• Remove curse
  
• Turn dead
  
• Healing touch
  
• Extra damage
  
• Extra damage vs. monsters
  
• Bonus to saves against magic/horror
  
• Sense evil
  
• Banish dmons and devils
  
• Circle of Protection
  

Greatest Rune Weapons

These are rune weapons made from gods and godlings. Yes, if the soul drinkers weren't enough for you... they have all of the lesser rune weapon traits, plus three of the following.

• Elemental magic, like a greater rune weapon.
  
• Heal, like a greater rune weapon.
  
• Psionic powers, like a greater rune weapon.
  
• Soul Drinker, like a greater rune weapon.
  
• Spellcasting, six spells from levels 6-11.
  
• Inflict magic curses.
  
• Teleport and travel through dimensions.
  
• Dragon's head that can brath fire, force, or lightning.
  
• Wings that allow it to fly and fight on its own.
  

Also, many are cursed, 60-200 millions. Now, it gets into the Greatest Rune Weapons made by the Splugorth. Yeah, that's right, this is Rifts, we don't fuck around with Lesser Rune Weapons, who cares about those? Oh, and these get unique powers that aren't from the list above, too!

_{Just don't try and work out the logistics of how much god-killing they have to do to make these...}

Call Staff

This lets you summon and control supernatural creatures, and gets all the summoning powers. It does 5d6 M.D., and has a bladed tip and that fly to stab people like a homing missile that does 1d4x10 M.D. Remember, no moving parts! Except when they have moving parts.

Crystal Fire Rod

Lets you cast a bunch of fire magic, can shoot a 5d6 M.D. laser, can parry lasers at -2, create light (woo!), and whack people or 5d6 M.D. Or you could just buy a plasma rifle and do more damage.

Dragon Rod



This is shaped like a gun, but it's not really a gun. It has some spells like fly and metamorphosis, lets you shoot a bunch of spells like lighting blast or magic net, and does 4d6 M.D. from a pistol-whip.

Dragon Thunderer

"This rune weapon is typically an axe or blunt weapon like a mace or war hammer with the head of a dragon as part of its design." Typically? There are multiple models?

It does 1d4x10 and lets you summon rain. It also returns when thrown! The inevitable lawsuit from Thor is not discussed.



The Enslaver

This is more an artifact than a weapon, looks like a statue of a bug. Lets you cast some mind control spells, some mind control psionics, and gives you a psi-sword and psi-shield. Just in case.

Why yes, this is a reedited hunk of ornamentation from the first picture.



The Impaler

"Typically a sword but sometimes a spear or pole-arm." It does 1d6x10 M.D., it's a soul drinker, and has four spikes it can fire at people for 2d4+2, "so firing all four at a single target would inflict 1D4X 10 M.D."



_{Rifts® , bad at math.}

Oh, and the spikes can animate, so it can crawl around or hold other items. (So much for not having any moving parts.) Personally, I have my Impaler rune sword hold an Impaler rune sword which is holding another Impaler rune sword. One isn't extreme enough for a badass like me.

Necronstaff

Lets you cast curses and raise the dead, summon shadow beasts, drink souls, does 6d6 M.D. (double to vampires and the undead), can breath fire, spit poison gas, spit darkness, and it can bite you and make you sick.

Sword of Atlantis

This a super-fancy weapon with gems worth 1d6 million credits encrusting the hilt. Uh. We got prices for gems earlier, so let's check the bling.

A single carat diamond is worth 15,000 credits. So that's 67 to 400 carats of diamond.

It can heal, make you invisible, create light, heal wounds... oh, and close rifts. Three times a day. In case you run into three open rifts a day.

It can drink souls, of course, does 1d6x10, double to vampires and alien intelligences (like the Splugs), can be thrown and return, and can fight on its own with adorable little wings. But no moving parts possible!



Sword of Life

It has an angel on it, can do all sorts of healing spells, and fly and fight on its own, and does 4d6 M.D., double to the undead and vampires, as well as gods of death and demon lords. This sword gets no art, and it goes as far to say so.

occamsnailfile: I feel like my soul has been drunk reading these.

Rune Statues

Anyway, there are often heads or busts affixed to buildings or vehicles that can come to life. "Stone gargoyles and fire breathing lions are also favorites of the Splugorth."

The Splurgorth don't sell these, but may give them for exceptional service. This book would make way more sense if it was intended for a "Minions of the Splugorthites" campaign, given the amount of detail it keeps giving to things it reiterates PCs can't have.

Rune statues get:

• Intelligence and can communicate.
  
• Indestructible.
  
• Nightvision and see the invisible
  
• Supernatural strength of at least 20, Prowess at least 18, and Speed at least 33. (Even the affixed statues, seemingly...)
  
• A bite and fire breath.
  
• Can only be used by compatible alignments.
  

And have the following limitation:

• Can only animate four times per 24 hours for 30 minutes at a time.
  

Got it?

Dragon Heads

Anyway, these are ornamental heads. They can cast some spells programmed into them! And they do 6d6 M.D. instead of 4d6.

Gargoyle Statues

This can uh, gets a lot of stealth magic and can shoot fire and energy, can animate and punch and wrassle, can fly around, gets five attacks per melee.

Fuck soldiers, get yourself a bunch of these! They cannot be hurt , basically. Only the Splugorth could come up with an invulnerable soldier that laughs off Mega-Damage, then use it to drive rabbits out of their garden, basically.

Fire Breathing Lions

This is like the gargoyle, only it can pounce, sneak, and only gets four attacks per melee.

Combat or Guardian Statues

These are like the above, and are animal or humanoid statues, they're weaker overall but still invulnerable.

The Eyes of Statues (Eylor)

These are Eyes but on to buildings, and they get all the visual enhancements of the Eyes of Eylor, plus they record it all for Splugorth minions to review telepathically. They can actually be destroyed, and have 40-60 M.D.C. Oh, and sometimes they have magic programmed in them to cast to sound alarms or fire defenses.

Well, that was boring! Grand cosmic weapons were never quite so dull.

Next: The Market of Atlantis! Get bought! Get sold! Yes, unlike other games, you can experience the slave trade in first-person view!

_{Did you know the Splugorth have no immunity to soul drinking? That's right, they produce weapons that can kill them! Casually!}

Game masters MUST NOT feel obligated to make every kind of magic, magic weapons and cool high-tech weapons and items available to their players.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

Now, finally, the Dragon Mall Rat O.C.C.

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 15: "Game masters MUST NOT feel obligated to make every kind of magic, magic weapons and cool high-tech weapons and items available to their players."

The Market
The Dimensional Market of Splynn

Anyway, this is a big deal as far as shopping goes anywhere in the Megaverse®. They offer exotic, strange, and dangerous animals, plants, drugs, implants, magic, services, weapons, artifacts, and "pleasures". Of course, there are a liars and con men and you could easily get cheated etc.

It points out that if you want to make equipment from another game setting or time this is a good place to do it in. So now you can shut the player up who's always asking for a Veritech fighter.

The Availability of Magic & Super Weapons

It points out that GMs don't have to let the places have anything, because they might disrupt a game. Only it takes four paragraphs to say what I said in one sentence. The more useful bit is pointing out to make adventures around getting rad stuff.

Aliens, Monsters and Merchants

Most of the market is filled with monsters who will harass humans and D-bees, and that PCs can easily get into trouble on trumped charges. Congratulations, you're now running a slaves of the Splugorth campaign because a PC called a gargoyle a "roof-topper". Fun!

Cash or Trade

Often items will require services rendered on account of people not having 80 million credits in their pocket. There is a standardized barter system or services but many merchants manipulate it by just changing their price. Oh, and humans and D-bees often pay 50% to 100% more. Anyway, the services can include stuff like assassination, escort, gladitorial combat, servitude, or theft, or may require multiple jobs. Alternately, if a character runs a kingdom, they can promise various diplomatic aids and resources.

Selling to Merchants

Generally merchants only buy at 20% of market value, but may go up to 50% for really rare items.

Stealing from or betraying Merchants is not smart

Because monsters will fuck you up. We wouldn't want adventures to come from this sort of thing, we have to punish the PCs instead. Because they've been bad and gone off-script.

The Splynn Slave Market

They have a bunch of slave markets!

Slave Stock

Most powerful slaves are controlled with drugs, magic leeches, mind slugs, and zombitrons. Generally the mechanism is not included in the price, you have to pay extra for that. It also adds this is a great place to bring in strange animals or beings from other games and settings. Uh, if the players are buying slaves, maybe...

It lists slave prices! Highlights include:

• Humans are 2,000 - 120,000 credits, low price for laborers and high price for doctors and mechanics and stuff. The infirm and weak are sold for about 300 credit apiece in 24-packs.
  
• Superpowered humans: Superman will run you 4d6 x 10,000 credits.
  
• Dragons: Between 100,000 to 40 million credits, mainly hatchlings. Yes, they sell dragon slaves - mainly good or dumb dragons - even though they're citizens too.
  
• Faerie Folk: 4,000-16,000, on account of being annoying.
  
• Sphinx: 3-12 million credits, or "20 times more to the people that worship them".
  
• Mutant Animals: Buy your own furry! About 2,000 to 40,000 apiece.
  
• Unicorn: 2 to 600 million credits. "Super rare."
  

A Slave Note

It points out that a bunch of the slaves taken on Earth end up on other worlds under new masters or for sale there. Some are used by the Splugorth themselves, and others are just eaten.

There's no art in this section aside from a reused piece of art depicting toad stools, randomly.

Next: Guns of the Kittani! Apes in snake robots! Apes in horse robots! It's time to ripoff Robotech®... and add apes!

_{It constantly gives powerful crap with this book for characters to obtain, and ways to fuck them over it. It's the Rifts® bait 'n switch!}

This is a super all-environment vehicle of war that has annihilated many enemies in the past, including The Mechanoids.

posted by Alien Rope Burn Original SA post

Special jumbo-sized "let's get this over with!" edition! My mood:

Rifts® World Book Two: Atlantis Part 16: "This is a super all-environment vehicle of war that has annihilated many enemies in the past, including The Mechanoids."

Kittani Weapons, Bots, & Equipment

Oh, you didn't think you were going to get through a Rifts book without some new guns , were you?

K-1 Sniper Laser Rifle and Launcher

It launches lasers? I'm confused... oh, mini-missile grenades, right. Obviously, they can't make up their minds what it shoots, so it just shoots everything. It does solid damage, but can't fire bursts.

K-4 Laser Pulse Rifle

This is a knock-off of the Wilk's Pulse Rifle from Rifts Sourcebook and works pretty much the same. Boring!

K-30 Ion Pulse Rifle

Does moderate damage and high damage from a multiple pulse burst that is -2 to strike. Weaker than equivalent weapons, and boring!

KEP-Special Energy Pump Pistol

It has "pump action", even though it's a ion blaster, and there's no room for the pump to act. It does great damage for a pistol, but can't fire bursts. Dumb concept.


_{Every gun is special, silly!}

K-E4 Plasma Ejector

This is a ripoff of the Northern Gun plasma gun from Rifts Sourcebook, which was a ripoff of the Coalition plasma gun. Not significantly different. Boring.

K-500 Rail Gun

Much like the light Northern Gun rail gun from the core book, but with a fancy nightvision sight. Cut, paste, boring.

K-1000 Spider Defense System

The first unboring gun so far! It has a fancy sight, but most notably it has little legs it can use to move or hold onto thinks, and can fire under computer control. It does very solid damage, but it better at 80 lbs. And it can fire smoke grenades and try to dodge incoming attacks.


_{I'm surprised Kevin didn't make every pointy bit on this into a laser like usual.}

Kittani Explorer Armor

This has better M.D.C. than most humans armors so far (85) and a solid penalty to prowl. Also comes with a jet pack attachment. No meaningful description.

Centaur Body Armor

This has 130 M.D.C., gives a penalty to prowl and speed, and is only for centaurs. No real description of what it looks like. Not sure why they make armor for centaurs, they've hardly been mentioned in this book.

K-Universal Light Power Armor

And this is the mass-market suit the Kittani mass market, it can jump or fly for brief periods, and is basically a copy of the Terrain Hopper from Rifts® Sourcebook .

Kittani Serpent Power Armor


_{This art was reused at the start of the book!}

The Kittani like animal designs for their power armor, it turns out, and it's the most famous of theirs (they used it against the Mechanoids). It can dodge and bob on its tail to be extra dodgy, and works in both water and space.

It has solid M.D.C. (375), a plasma axe that does solid damage, a shield with mini-missles in it, a vibro-blade in the tail, fancy sensors, and it gets an automatic dodge .

For those that have been paying attention to earlier Rifts books, you'll know that's a nice combat-busting feature, allowing it to always defend without spending attacks. It has a neat design, though! Not boring.

Kittani Equestrian Power Armor


_{Maybe when Ewell did the centaur armor, he just really overdid it? I kid! He overdoes everything.}

This armor looks like a centaur! It's their big deal power armor that's supposed to extra badass. ANd it can fly in space. It has 450 M.D.C., fancy sensors, a tri-barrel super rail gun that does... middling damage, variable-frequency lasers that do pathetic damage, a "twin barrel pulse cannon" that does about the same damage as the rail gun, mini-missiles, a shield that is also a missile that can be fired, a solid array of hand to hand attacks, and an energy lance that does meh damage.

A glitter boy would tear it up in no time, but it's a neat design.

Kittani Manling Power Armor

This is like the Serpent Power Armor, only with legs, so it's clearly less rad. It can jump really well. Ho-hum.

Kittani ABSS-2 Simple Security Drone


_{Wait, which end is the front?}

This is a chicken-like drone with crazy sensors, little tentacles, and no weapons.

occamsnailfile: More sinister technologically advanced species should employ security chickens.

Kittani ABS-3 Basic Security Drone


_{It's made from all the parts that were left over from the other robots.}

What's the difference between "simple" and "basic"? Guns.

A flying drone with a big searchlight, tear gas, radio, lasers, and mini-missles. It can hover around and looks kinda bulby and modern art-ish.

Kittani ABW-4


_{Rejected to play the part of a new Mechanoid model in the next book.}

No, I have no idea what these abbreviations stand for. This robot can float and do manual labor. It can punch a man's head off, but that's just not enough in M.D.C combat. Scarcely worth the half-page of stats and illustration it gets.

Insecton Land Rover


_{Man-apes love pointy bits!}

Remember, not insecticon , insecton .

Anyway, this is built to look like a bit stag bettle and used for exploration. (The mandibles can get through trees, see.) It has legs on its back in case the 67 ton vehicle gets flipped. It has thrusters that work in water or space. And it has a bunch of searchlights.

It has 600 M.D.C., goes 100 mph, is 65' long, has some wimpy light lasers, tri-barrel light lasers that are marginally less wimpy, mini-missles, and a pulse cannon that is also wimpy. It can ram for solid damage and knock stuff over, though. It has the usual fancy sensor jazz.

Creax Armored Rover


_{Designed to catch all the prizes.}

This is a three-man vehicle used for exploration, construction, and salvage! That's why it's got a ton of combat stats.

It has hover jets that can be used to fly, has 500 M.D.C., wimpy light lasers, slighly unsissy "auto-guns" (whatever those are), a claw that can detach and fly around as a robot scout, and some respectable melee fu. And fancy sensors.

The Dragon Dreadnought


_{"Do you think four heads and six wings are really enough? It seems kind of subdued."}

This is the big kahuna, a Monster Zero-looking spaceship with four dragon heads. It's never been used on Earth, but they secretly have some here. It's 120' with a 120' tail and can go MACH 5, somehow, despite making a brick look aerodynamic. It does solid damage with its big lasers from the dragon mouths, or it can bite for less damage. It has wing turrets that do middling damage, but can do high damage together. It also has a bunch of beam guns on the wings that each do average damage. It has a laser on the tail for complete ridiculousness, which does average damage. It has medium missles on top and long-range missles on the bottom. It's solid (though kind of sad for its size) in melee combat, and has the usual sensors. Oh, and it takes a bunch of people to pilot it and fire all those weapons.

occamsnailfile: You were probably gonna already but the picture for the dragon dreadnought is the most Ewell thing ever, just about. Though it’s hard to get the two-page spread into a single image.

I could but that sounds like work.

Other Odds and Ends

Laser Wrist Blasters

These are the lasers the Blind Warrior Women use, as detailed in the Rifts® Sourcebook .

Double Blade Plasma Axe

It does 3d6 with an axe strike, or 6d6 with a plasma blast. Why use the axe strike, then...?

Plasma Sword

Like the Plasma Axe, only it does less damage. Fuck it.

Kittani Energy Lance

A fancy Energy Lance for borgs and power armor, intended for sniping, but only does marginally more damage than their regular sniper rifle.

High-Tech Arrowheads

The same section from Rifts Sourcebook repeated for some inane reason. Just like the Rifts® Sourcebook , bows are not given proper stats or regular arrowheads. Fuck it.

Miscellaneous Bio-Wizard Weapons

Jolt Gun

I think they mean "Techno-Wizard", because there's nothing Bio about this and the following items. It does light damage and is just intended for slave-herding, and can be recharged like most techno-wizard weapons.

Mental Incapacitator

Fires wisps of confusion, as per the spell, is apparently used by the woman on the left of the Rifts book. We have art, it must have stats. No details on how to reload.

Forearm Plasma Blaster

"-similar to the one used by the Slaver." Similar to mundane plasma blasters, does slightly less damage, double while on a ley line, techno-wizard device.

Plasma Rifle

Like above, but a rifle. Does slightly more damage. They must really be reaching to fill space, here.

Head or Helmet Laser

A rod you attach to a helmet or headband. Techno-wizard weapon, does pathetic damage. Yeah, this is totally just filling space.

Slaver's Net Gun

Fires the magic net spell, is the weapon used on the right woman of the Rifts cover. Techno-wizard item.

Splugorth Bio-Power Armor

Like the power armor used by the Over Powerlord, powered by an eye of Eylor. This is an actual Bio-Wizard item, unlike above. It has less M.D.C. and only lets you fly around, go super-fast, swim super-fast, heal wounds, speak any language, and a bunch of other stuff.

Oh, and the High Lords can take control of it and cast horrible spells into it to incapacitate the wearer. Just FYI. They sell them under the counter, naturally.

Talisman of Armor

Lets the user cast Armor of Ithan once a day. As used on TV by the Blind Warrior Women of Splugorth!

Splugorth Flying Ships & Barges

They're made out of stone or wood but are super-tough and fly because of maaaagic. They often have a rune statue attached to the prow to cast magic with. They look like sailing ships. Oh, and it refers us to Palladium RPG®: Adventures on the High Seas to find out more about sailing and gives a sales pitch for it. Shameless bullshit, since none of these work anything like the ships from that book.

The K-ATV Hover Jet


_{It has arms so it can... I dunno, either.}

Can turn partially humanoid like a Veritech fighter from Robotech. Has a really wimpy 225 M.D.C., pathetic light lasers, so BYOG. Middling melee combat and your usual sensors. Seemingly a more civilian craft. Can go nearly MACH 1.

Robot High Speed Land Skimmer


_{Why is a human pictured with this? Because! That is why.}

Another robot vehicle that can transform like in Robotech. In fact, it looks somewhat like an unused piece of Robotech art, even down to the bishie pilot. Has 200 M.D.C., goes 570 M.D.C while hovering, has a laughable light laser and the usual sensor array, but you can ram it into things for passable damage and knockdown chance.

occamsnailfile: Hey, it might not be unused, it’s been a long time since I went through those books.

Fan-Jet Land Skimmer

These are like cars, only for ape-people from another dimension.

The K-GTV Hover Land Skimmer


_{It flies fast and fills book space!}

A barely-armored 100 M.D.C. hover vehicle that goes up to 300 MPH. No weapons.

K-ATV Hover Land & Water Skimmer


_{Definitely the stuff that defines the "ass-end" of a book.}

Like above, but 120 M.D.C. and goes 260 MPH.

KM-700 Uni-motorcycle

We end on a bit of a treat, at least. Sure, it's only 100 M.D.C., only goes 220 MPH, has forgettable laser cannon, but it is a motorized super uni-cycle .

And that's all for Atlantis! I'm going to hop off on my unicycle and call it a day. This thing is completely rad.


_{Tell your mom | tell your dad | it was sup-er rad}

Next: Mechanoid Space®! It's not out, you say? It's okay, I can wait forever for that shit.

_{You know, I just might write up a book that isn't Rifts® .}